Death is Good.. You die and go to Hell It saves you from Family Kill youself Or Get Killed It's a choice you have to make A path you have to take In order to die You need a plan Wake up before everyone else Walk quietly into the kitchen Take a knife from the second drawer on your right Put the cool knife blade Upon your warm wrist Shivers go down your spine you start to have second thoughts But then all the pain and suffering rise against the thoughts They over power and crush them Until they are no longer thoughts But notions... You look down at the blade....Resting upon your wrist A quick swipe and your blood falls....It rolls off your wrist and onto the kitchen floor... Which is by now soakinh with blood You look at the sink and gaze at the future you have thoughts running through your head Should I clean it up?....Should I now grab courage from Him and run?....Or should I keep cutting and die.. You take the third choice...You cut your arms, wrists and hands...over and over again... Sheading every ounce of blood there is to spare... Then all of a sudden you feel light headed// Your eyes start to close and you feel your body hit the ground with a hard thump!..Your eyes are now closed...You start to see a light...Your heart stops beating.. Nothing moves....Theres NO feelings left NO pain NO heartbreak NO sorrow Just death....An over-due death That was finally meant to be taken... She finally did it..........After carefully planning and thinking it out......... She finished the job......That they had started...... She succeed..Her destiny was chosen and done............................................Its over
That poem needs a central idea I think, it was just abunch of thoughts about suicide in a row. It needs your spin on it so to speak. Oh, and you wrote it in first, second, and third person, which i didn't like. Is it just me or are all poems about slashing wrists really narrative and would most likely be better in paragraph?
yeah i agree with josh the small, but i understand what you were trying to do and trying to say, because i deal with suicidel thoughts as well, and i know whats its like to stand in my kitchen with a knife held to my wrists, so it says something extra special to me. i think it came from your heart and tahts all that matters. but it could use a lil more structor, and maybe some more metaphors. just keep writing, thats what ive learned as a poet.
well thanks guys for your opinions.....they help...good news is that i finished my poem book which means ul see more of this stuff....love life and death..hope u guys like the 1st one....
Now in darkness there springs light Wall of Sleep is cool and bright Wall of Sleep is lying broken Sun shines in you have awoken LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE LIFE sorry just makes me happy to say that Peace
I have to say that I actually like how you switched between first second and third person POV. I tend to do that too, kinda without thinking about it. But I agree with Any Color You Like... life is beautiful man... death is depressing... LOVE LIFE!!
