I Have Eyes

boogans - I Have Eyes



No way to know, no way to tell
Is this bliss? Or is it just hell
I’m going under, I’m seeing red
It’s like I need

Eyes in the back of my head
But they don’t start working till I’m almost dead
I guess I’m alive, because the feeling’s still there
But how the fuck do I try to care?

Don’t tell me when to speak, how to think, how to smoke, when to drink
It’s all just water going down the sink
Through the pipes, down into the sea
Swimming free where it wants to be

------ Up and over the valley of time
------ Fix the foul taste with a lime
------ Take a deep, deep breath and open your mind
------ Please find a way out of the daily grind

------ The clock ticks on and doesn’t lie
------ As I lay me down and watch the sky
------ Open up, and look inside because
------ I have eyes

Look into an alternate world
Of frosted buds and sticky herb
In this life, my voice is heard
To good to be true? No baby, it’s the pearl

Look into an alternate world
Of big fat buds and dank dank herb
In this life, your voice is heard
Can you say that about your schwag suburbs?

Look into an alternate world
Of green leafy buds and little purple herb
In this life, we are all heard
It’s not all bad, you can rest assured




I just wrote this. Thoughts?

 

i'm not gonna lie, that's not too bad at all man. watch out for your cliches though. go through that piece and look at how many lines are using cliches... it's well done, just be aware of that. got music for it?

 

Sporadic. All across the board. Some neat lines and phrases, but ultimately lacking a cohesive thought behind it.

 

I hate slang in poetry.. ex: Dank. Schwag. I just dont like the poem IMO.

 

nice man..*applause*

 

I enjoyed it.