Boyfriend paying for my school

I'll keep this short. My boyfriend has offered for me to quit my full-time job (which has recently made me completely miserable to the point where I have breakdowns on the weekends), and pay for all of our living expenses while I follow my dream and go back to school to get a teaching degree. He thinks that it is better if I do it full-time (I've been taking classes here and there when I can fit them in my schedule) and have a set goal, than for me to do it "half-assed" and struggle with time management, obligations, etc.

My boyfriend makes a lot more money than I do and he can afford to pay for everything if I am in school and working part time to pay my truck payment and pitch in money where I can. But I just feel a little weird about doing this. He wouldn't be paying my tuition, I'd have to get student loans and financial aid for that (or see if my dad will pay, though I doubt it) but he is willing to pay the mortgage and all of the utilities and the car insurance and groceries and everything.

I've tried to weigh the pros and cons to this out. Most of it is just my silly feelings of pride and insecurity in the situation. Logically, it makes more sense than how we are living now. He already pays more than half of everything as it is because I can't afford to. I'm scared though that first of all his parents will hold it against me or say some nasty comments about him paying for everything (they have in the past because we don't split bills evenly) or that he will eventually resent the fact that he is essentially "putting me through school".

(If it matters, we have been together for 5 years and yes we do plan to get married, we have a house and cars together already, and no we do not have any children)

What do you guys think?

 

I would wait until you are married to accept that offer and then obviously have no problem with accepting it. I was there and never married him and felt really guilty for it.

 

I think that is really sweet of him. He sounds like he loves you a lot! I think you should fallow your dream! I mean it sounds like he wants to make you happy. I think you should take this opperitunity. But what ever you chose to do good luck.
peace & happyness
Shannon

 

well i think you should take it. if you plan to get married then it's not like you'll be in school forever anyways. and apparently he loves you a lot to pay for it. if you get that degree then you'll get a better job and then you could split the bills evenly. peace.

 

We are planning on getting married. Here is the deal regarding that though. He makes quite a bit of money. If we get married then I can't get financial aid which is what has been paying for school thus far. If he has to pay outright for my school and pay the bills, well we probably can't swing that. But if I remain "single" and don't claim his income, with such a low income from me on the financial aid paperwork then I can get aid and he can pay the bills.

I think I'm going to go ahead and take him up on the offer. I would do the exact same thing for him if the tables were turned. And if we were to split up, the last thing I'd be worried about is who paid for school at that point.

oh yeah and thanks for the replies everyone. you all are the best!

 

Personally, I wouldn't do it. Simply because I don't like to feel like I'm living off someone else. If you two ever were to break up (which, look at divorce rates)...you'd be back to square one. I work full-time and go to school full-time, I manage it pretty OK...maybe you should just try part-time work and full-time school...that way at least you'd be bringing SOMETHING to the table.

Just my opinion, of course.

 

I completley agree.

 

exactly.... even working one day a week, an 8 hour shift or what have you, can bring in something, it's better than nothing. You can still contribute that way... I'd feel weird living completely off someone, I've felt weird asking for money since I got a job and weird if I don't do a lot of the chores, pay for my own food and a portion of the bills ever since I lived on my own (I live with my mom again, but still pay a good portion of my costs)

 

Oh come on life with a person is a team effort. If you can lean hard on a single player so that later in the game the team can gain from it, then you do it! Your relationship is a team and marriage is not needed, its just paperwork to satisfy the goverments end of the deal.

You have to do what you feel is right to you. His parents ect are not part of this, we are not part of this. As for you pulling your share, when your out of school will you earn lots more than you do now? Here you have a hippy forum and they dont understand the meaning of working together to achieve a common goal, totally crazy!

If his job is enough to make it easier for you to work harder at your schooling to achieve a better job so that then together you both will have an even greater advantage in life and perhaps be married, have kids and offer them a great future what exactly is the problem. Becuase you shifted "work for profit" time into "work for better returns through education" time thats bad? I can see it if you screw around and dont invest that new free time in to greater study time, perhaps added classes next term ect but seriously if you are dedicated and utilize that time, the hell with what is said by asshole future inlaws. Inlaws normally suck anyway so who cares!

 

Thanks Yank. That is pretty much the conclusion I've drawn. And I think either some of you misunderstood, or I didn't phrase it right. I am planning on working part time, every day for at least 4 hours. Right now I work 2 jobs one full time from 8:30am until 4:30pm then I go straight from here every day of the week except for the one day I have school and I work from 5:00pm until 8:30pm. Then I race home and try to prepare a meal for my boyfriend who wakes up at 10pm to go to work (he works the night shift) then I collapse into bed after doing the dishes because I'm exhausted. Some nights I fall asleep on the couch. Then on both Saturdays and Sundays I'm back over at my part time job. And when I'm not working or cleaning or cooking, I'm studying.

Pretty much I'm really fucking burnt out. I have had a nervous breakdown because of this and pretty much something, or a couple of somethings have to go. I can't do it anymore. If you can be superwoman, hey that's fuckin great for you, but this is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. So while we were deciding as a couple what I should do (because what we decide affects both of us because we are a team, a family unit) he said that it would be best for me to finish my degree the right way. It was his idea for me to go to school full time because he thinks I will be more successful that way, I will get finished sooner, and once I'm through I will be able to bring a whole lot more money to the table for our future. If i don't finish my degree I'm going to be stuck making very little money for the rest of my life. (not that teaching will make us rich, but it is more than I make now, and it is something I love doing). Anyway, to clarify something, I would still keep my part time job at night/weekends, I would just be giving up my day job so I can go to school during the day and take more classes, because as it stands I can only fit 1 class per semester into my schedule. If I go full time during the day I can fit 5 classes in, and do well in them. I would still be depositing my check into our checking account, so it isn't like I'm just going to sit on my ass for 4 years and do nothing.

Anyway, I've talked things over with Jer and we did decide that it is best for me to go ahead back to school before we have children and while he is still at this job that pays a lot of money. I'm not happy at my day job anyway, so I might as well give this a shot, if it doesn't work out I can always find another job. Regardless, we are a family, the two of us, and we take care of each other. That is what family does. And if we break up one day down the road, so be it. What if we don't. I can't predict the future and neither can anyone else, but I'm sure as hell not going to base my life on what ifs.

 

Hey I had a good idea? Damn how did that happen..... I need to work on that one.

 

Yup, you make complete sense to me.

I just find it ironic because if I had come on here and said that I had decided to stay home and take care of my children everyone would be like yeah that is a full time job, good for you, etc. But since I want to go back to school, and better myself and further my career, it isn't as important or as difficult as a "real job" or taking care of a family. There are plenty of other single income families out there, so I'm sure we'll be ok. It will take some getting used to, but we'll be fine. And I'm in a position right now where we do not yet have children so I think now is the best time to do this.

 

I understand what you are saying but I still wouldn't be able to do it. When money enters a relationship of any sort it can change things permanently. Be cautious, sounds like things are great with your boyfriend but who knows where things could end up. Whatever your gut feeling was on the situation, stick with it.

 

i totally agree with yankNburn..... im sure if that is who you can gonna be with long term as you say, you'd return the favor later. no worries. its for the better good for you both

 

Because this isn't a rash decision or a short relationship, and you're thinking of him as well, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea.

Getting into school now and getting that dream job will only make you happier and more productive later on. So when your boyfriend/husband gets burnt out and needs a change, you CAN reverse the tables and support him in his efforts to be happier and more productive.

If, however, HE starts holding money issues over your head or causes you any sort of guilt, get out of that situation. Because that wouldn't be good for you at all.

But as long as you both know where you stand, and this is a relationship you do see going somewhere, DO IT! For the both of you!