My parents divorced when i was 8. Its crazy for me to think as a 16 year old that for half my life, I havent been able to see my mother stand next to my father happily. I've lived with my mom since 8, and i only see my dad 2-3 times a year, as he lives across the country. we only talk on the phone for birthdays and whatnot. ive always heard that 'fatherless daughters' often turn out to look for guys that mimic their fathers behavior, whether good or bad. and while i see the logic and even have experience with that, im wondering if that rings true for and of you ladies. also, what are some other effects, outside of relationships with men, do you find you have? by this i mean do you find yourself detatching yourself from reality or just doing things that arent necessarily good for you? will i ever find a love that doesnt have something seriously wrong with it? any insight you have would be greatly appriciated! :H
Hmm, I agree with you to a certain extend. I also have had horrible father relationships. My sperm donor took off when I was in utero, and my "dad" who married my mom when I was @ 2, left when I was 20 and I haven't seen him since. Though he was there most of my life so far, we were never as close as fathers and daughters should be because he wasn't "biologically" my father. But anyway. I have had pretty horrible luck with men so far. I'm not sure i that I sought out guys that were like either of my fathers, but more that I didn't have a good positive male role model. I didn't have that person to base what a good man is on. The only advice I can really give you is please take your time with relationships. You have a whole lifetime to find someone. Make sure it is someone who is worth it. Don't base a man that you like on the initial lust. There is so much more.
I don't know how it feels for to be without a father figure but my heart goes out to you both and anyone else in this position. The only thing I can say is, yes, the men I've been most happy with were most like my biological father. This may sound odd but logically speaking, I had/have a pretty good relationship with him and I admire both my parents. It makes sense that I would want to be with someone who emulates traits that I find admirable also. More less of the basics can be found in the close friends I choose. So what I'm trying to say also is, don't feel terribly bad! You have others in your life that you might consider role models in one way or another. And I don't believe in the Freudian extremes. Interestingly I read an article not long ago describing how critical it was for young women to develop (PLATONIC) relationships with older men and how important it is for men in general to cultivate friendships based solidly on mutual respect and consideration for youth in general, especially towards female youth. It was something about opening themselves to being mentors and reliable sources of friendship and strength. (Undoubtedly the same goes for older women but this article was focused more on men and their relationship with youth, especially young women).
I think that regardless whether your fatherless/motherless most people are very attracted to traits that they would find in thier parent figures cause they grew up loving them. Ive noticed that i find striking simularitys to the girls i truly truly am attracted to and my mom. I know its a little wierdish but im sure its not a coincidence. I could always go for another good mommy. Haha.
Hmm.... my father and I got along when I was small. I was daddy's little girl until I learned to have my own thoughts and ideas and opinions (age 10 I'd say). He loved me and I loved him before that. When I got older, he stopped loving me and I started to hate him. He became abusive physically, emotionally and mentally. I've got no respect or love for that man. Actually, I'm a bitch, the only reason I keep in contact with him is so he can give me money when I need it. Otherwise I wouldn't care if he were dead. But that is my crappy relationship. However, I managed to pick out the few good traits that my dad did have (very hard working and he valued intelligence and knowledge) and find men who also have those traits, but don't have the bad ones. For example, I would never be in an abusive relationship because the second a guy calls me a bad name or treats me poorly, not only would I kick his ass, but I'd be out the door before he could figure out what happened. But I can't stand guys who don't work and don't aspire to learn more or get more out of life. And my boyfriend had a very close relationship with his mother (which I love about him) and I'm a lot like her (the good and the bad!). I mean yeah, it is all in what we are taught, that is the way life goes. But one isn't destined to be with someone like thier parents if they don't want to be.
