Just lately I have really been missing my brother. I thought that I would be over it by now, but the pangs seem to have come back with a vengeance. No, he's not passed away, he is still very much alive but controlled ... He's barely recognisable as the brother who I knew, who I was close to, etc. I know that life, career, marriage, children, etc, change us forever from our former carefree selves ... tis all part of the rich fabric which we must accept and partake ... but I feel (and several other family members agree) that his wife is controlling him. First it was little things like choosing a hairstyle for him, getting him into different clothes, but he has been seeing less and less of my parents (who live just round the corner from him) and even when a couple of weeks ago, my mother went in hospital for an operation, neither he nor his wife bothered to phone and find out how it went. We don't talk anymore. Even when I was living in Canada and he was back in the UK, we talked more and emailed more than we do now. My marriage may have changed me in ways, but me and bro were still really close. It's only since he met and married this particular girl that things have gone wrong betwixt the two of us. He didn't speak to me for about six months because something I said to his wife had been repeated back to him out of context (by her, naturally) and then she told me that my bro had always resented me because our parents gave me more attention than him. I even raised this issue with my parents and they said that actually ... bro had a better time than me because by that time my parents weren't quite so poor and they could afford more treats like school trips, camping trips, sports gear, etc. So if anything I ought to have more reason to resent HIM ... but I don't. I just want us to be closer again ... obviously I know it's different now that he's married and they have a daughter to think of ... also I moved far away (but not as far as Canada!). Sorry for the rambling, I just wondered if anyone could empathise or offer advice? Thanks for reading anyway! :sunglasse
If you want to reconnect, you have to take the first step... you can't wait for them to change, for him to make the first move, for her to stop being such a controlling freak
Hey, sorry that you feel your brother is so distant from you. Honestly, it seems to me that you are a little bit jealous of his wife. This woman is his wife now, and he listens to her, not you...anymore. He can't be close to you as he used to be when he was single. And I think you shoud be proud of him when he protects his wife (""""He didn't speak to me for about six months because something I said to his wife had been repeated back to him out of context ....""""")...may be six months is extreme, but we dont know the whole situation. Do you think it would have been better if you,or somebody else in your family said something negative to his wife and he supported you, not her...? My b/f has also changed a hairstyle, and clothing style after my advice...he does listen to his family, but my advice matters too, sometimes even more than that of his family. You do not have a right to be jealous, or want him back....he is still there...She is the woman he loves. You are his sister. These are two different things. A man will please a woman he sleeps with, first, and then women in his family. May be, praise your brother for being so dedicated to his wife...it should bring you two closer. Whatever I said -do not take it offensively, it was just my opinion
it doesn't seem so much that she's jealous of his wife; she just wants a good, close relationship to a member of her family whom she GREW UP WITH. i feel it's perfectly valid to want that. i also feel it's perfectly valid to be concerned for him...i would be very concerned for a family member who was in a marriage with someone who controlled them so much. marriage isn't about obeying each other, it's about harmonious compromise. just my opinion.
