The New Religion

So I was taking a shit last night, and when I went to wipe my ass, my fecal matter took the form of Godm, for lack of a better word, and began to talk to me. This is what he said.

God - John, you must tell the masses of this meeting between mortal and God. You must tell them what I have told you, and must not change the word of God in anyway that will disrupt the divine essence!

John - I don't really beleive in religion, only something greater than us. So why me?

God - Because you are pure, uncorrupted by the evil ways of man and his power of deception in the name of the Lord!

John - Ok, well what do you want me to do?

God - Tell all the people of the world, that all religion's are mere creations of man, and that man is part of the lord himself, so all is one and one is all. There is no need to bicker over such petty things.

John - But what about the non-beleivers? How can I prove you even talked to me? How do I prove to them there is a greater power?

God - Do not worry my son, because those who do not beleive in a greater power will show respect to the sun, a creation by yours truly, to represent the giver of life. For if there was no light, then life itself would not be present. So tell them if they must honor anything, it is the sun, that falls and rises, welcoming them each new day with warmth and the power to sustain life. For if they do not beleive in a supreme power, they will take it into their own hands and hopefully help out fellow man. If they are non-beleivers who kill, steal, lie because they have no fear of God, then they shall be judged fairly upon the arrival of death.

John - Ok, well what should I tell the other religions?

God - Tell them nothing, for they still have faith in something greater than themselves. This earthly existence is merely but a test. There is no hell, only judging, and reincarnation. Those who kill in the name of God will not be judged, but sent back to Earth in order cleanse themself of the evil seeds planted by man in the name of the allmighty.

John - Yea, ok, no one's going to beleive me.

God - Don't worry, the time will come when every person shall understand. Whether it be death, through experience, or contact with the allmighty, they will understand.

John - When is that?

God - It is now, it is the past, and it is the future, for all is one. My lesson to is you is this. Do not preach in the name of God, help people understand. Do not kill in the name of God, but make them understand. Do not sin in the name of God, for you are no better than the shit in this toilet.

John - So what do I do now?

God - Flush the toilet, spread the word.

Flush

 

That's, uh... creative. I take it you were on the throne for a while, and thought this up?

 

Red <3 Massage

 

I believe him.

 

hahahahaha This is the new religion im following lol.

 

I love your avatar!!

V for Vendetta was amazing!!!



And on the subject of shits... when I take a shit I get depressed I dont know why though. I do get some good philosophical thoughts in every now and then, but usually I just get sad, unless its one of those shits where when you go to wipe theres no shit on the toilet paper and then you get all happy because you dont have to wipe your ass any longer...

 

Oh yea, and there are no wars with my religion, because all humans are equal. There are no World Wars, only Word Wars. Our God is represented by the sun, the giver of life yo!