I thought I would make a post in the "Love and Sex" forum on picking up a girl at festivals. Despite all of the threads on sex and relationships, I haven't seen a single thread on seduction. From my experience at festivals I have seen guys get signals of attraction from females and I met a guy who told me he even met his girlfriend at a festival. The last time I was at a festival I even saw guys in the parking lot picking up girls (which gave me a bad impression because the guys I saw were losers). What it all boils down to is that I am interested in a hippie girlfriend and it is not my nature to just walk up to people and hit on them (I have done it before with positive results, but it's really, really hard and painful for me). Since I am shy and introverted, I am not big on the small talk either, which can be a killer as far as establishing social networks, to say the least. I am sure there are guys here who have picked up hippie girls at festivals and gotten some action. How is it that you were able to do it? Did you strategize before the festival or did you just walk up and do it? I would be most interested in those who strategized and picked up a cute chick, since I am not the outgoing type who could do otherwise. The girls can chime in too. How were you picked up at a festival? How would you like a guy to approach you? At Bonnaroo I remember a girl smiling at me and I believe she said "hi," as I was walking through a huge crowd. It seems like it should be easy to get a girl at such a huge fest, because people are in a good mood and have something in common. Among the problems I foresee: girlfriends/guy friends of the girl I like getting in the way. Approaching and getting accepted by groups shows alpha male status (what some term "social proof"), thus increasing attraction and rate of success, but for an introverted guy this can be much more difficult and in some cases impossible. So going after the stray female (and there are plenty) might be the way to go for me, which I imagine some are quite good at.
I would think if you were at a festival and especially if you are there alone, you would want to talk to anybody you could about the great music that's happening. That's a start. It always helps to know something that's relevent to a particular situation if you're trying to start a convo. Whether it's scheduling changes or unscheduled impromptu collaborations between artists, it's good to pay attention to what's happening around you. Meeting women is as easy as smiling and having something intelligent to say. It's true lots of guys get by on lots less than snappy repoirte, but it sounds to me like you could never be less than the intelligent person that you are, so I'd stick with that. You could also learn to drum or play another instrument. That works great for meeting peeps at festies or anywhere. Bottom line is the same as always...go be yourself, let your freak flag fly, dance like nobody is watching. People are attracted to others that are smiling and having a good time.
Thank you for your thoughtful response, woods_god. Your post made me think a little and it made me realize that the best seducers tend to be naturals. They don't study game plans on picking up women -- they just go out and do it. They are confident and show it. Nonetheless, there are men who far surpass the naturals when they combine natural ability with a game plan; and there are men who surpass the naturals by starting from scratch, although they are the great exception. Your advice about initiating conversation about what's happening around (music) is pretty solid. It's good to be knowledgeable about music since the girls at fests are big on music. I also think you touched on something important here: The alpha male grabs attention by not being inhibited. To convey this perhaps I should wear a "do" that really catches attention, or have some clothes that really stand out -- even in a psychedelic fest. It may sound stupid or lame, but the cutest girls are often with guys who stand out from a crowd (and often dress that way). I remember walking into a bar with a fedora hat and immediately a very attractive girl called me over to talk to her. It's amazing the stupid gimmicks that attract very attractive women -- but hey, you can't control the way they are hard-wired.
just be yourself man... if your not yourself... and some girl picks you out of the crowd.. you gotta carry that visage the whole time then.. and not be you...
precisely, just be yourself. but be your confident self... even if you aren't that straight forward of a guy. the confidence and the effort of exuding it, always works with the ladies. even if they can see you are shy behind it, they will admire you for showing it. it makes them feel like they are worth your effort... and if it pans out... it should be.
I don't know how you could hope to meet anyone without enjoying small talk, to be honest. The whole alpha male thing is seriously overrated. We aren't apes, we are people, and different chicks like different types of guys.
Let's drop the part about picking up girls at festivals and focus on picking up girls because that can take place anywhere. If you try to overanalyze it, youre going to drive yourself crazy. Don't think in terms of game plan or alpha male. The instruction book for being a playah doesnt exist (not in the abstract). Be yourself because if you pretend to be something else, the illusion eventually is broken and so is trust and integrity regardless of what your intentions are, whether they be something longterm of just random festival sex.
I can't say I wholly agree with the "just be yourself" idea passing on this thread. There are guys out there who have changed their behavior or modeled successful "players" (the word need not carry negative connotation, since many women drool over them while claiming not to like them, and in any case know what's up, despite pretensions otherwise) and gotten better results. I am convinced that life is much like a game of probabilities -- like a salesman you have got to figure out the way people think and adapt yourself to that in life; you have got to "sell" yourself. Despite the widespread notion that we are humans and thus somehow above the apes, we as humans are still limited by primitive urges and instincts and thus can behave in very predictable and stereotyped ways. Proof of this is in the way some of the best players in the world constantly mold their behavior to get the best results -- they know it's a numbers game and that certain behaviors will get them what they want, fake or not. (I am not going to get into a lengthy debate here, but I think the concept of "alpha male" is very much applicable to human society; to think otherwise seems naive since humans are not that distant from their nearest relatives). I believe the most useful advice came from woods_god, who went beyond the cliches and pointed out that it'd be a good idea to focus on what you have in common in a conversation (the music) and what is happening around. To the extent that you must be congruent in your behavior (displaying consistency), I will go with the "just be yourself" notion. Still, molding behavior does work, as I discovered by purposely conducting an experiment of walking into a bar with a cool hat. Immediately I stuck out from the crowd (this is termed "peacocking," and I am sure we have all done it consciously or unconsciously; certainly women do it) and became interesting to an attractive woman in the bar.
yea? but do you often go out wearing different hats? if you do.. then you're being yourself... you can still be yourself while trying to sell yourself... hell i go out in crazy clothes all the time... and thats me.. it sparks conversation.. dont get "selling yourself" and being fake mixed up
