Bpd?

Anyone here diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)? Just wondering, as it's interesting to talk to people who see the world in the same slightly-off way that I do....

 

I am not affected. Hope you are doing well!

Peace and love

 

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In the begining they couldn't decide it I was bi-polar, had BPD or had seasonal temperal disorder (ie, depressed in the winter, happy in the summer). They eventually cornered in on BPD after spending a LOT of time on my childhood... lol.

I tend to see things in black and white ( like, liberals good, conservatives bad)...and have a hard time figuring people out, because I question almost everyone's motives. Trust doens't come easy. I also have a hard time being "me", sometimes I become what i think others want me to be (this is especially true when I am around my parents). I have severe abandonment issues, which cause me to keep my distance from just about everyone.... but once I do trust someone, betrayals hurt even more.

All of this does cause me to get depressed. But, like other people with BPD, I have a history of addictive behaviour (sex and drugs were my biggest vices), so I refuse meds. I spend a lot of time meditating, which does help keep the worse of the bad thoughts and obsessive/destructive behaviour at bay. I've also been totally clean and sober for over 5 years now, which I do think also helps, although sometimes I still think about saying "fuck it" and lighting up a joint... but would it stop there?? haha.. i don't think so, and don't want to risk it.

How do you see the world and deal with it day to day?

P.S. My cat helps too... as i can trust him to always listen, love me and not to get disappointed with me very often!

 

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i wish yall would post more about your symptoms, and your experiences. also about how you view yourself and others. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but i feel more of a connection with borderline personality disorder. i don't really care about the terminology, and i've read up about the symptoms of each...but i'm just interested in how people with bpd interact and think. i dunno if that even makes sense i just know if have this really bad, recurring tendency to push people away before they can "push" me away. i do this pretty much annually and have done so for the past 7-8 years. i'll make new friends, be so happy and infatuated by them, then it gets comfortable, then i start being critical and paranoid and usually find things wrong with them, and then i cut my ties and and alone for awhile until i connect with new people. it's not a mean thing, and there are no hard feelings, but it's just weird to me that i do that. i still have a few good friends that i've had for years and will probably always have, but i dunno. and in relationships, sometimes they're so itense that i can absolutely adore/fucking HATE the same person multiple times in the same day for the most trivial things...we hang out and have a good time (i love them), they don't call me back or sound tired or grouchy on the phone (i hate them), and then my imagination runs wild and i overanalyze each feeling and they can change on a whim.
ok, too much typing, i'm done now.

 

sounds like you have abandonment issues.... with the pushing people away thing. I do it too. It's pretty much one of the cornerstones of BPD!

We've been doing most of our talking through PM, as some of the stuff might be hard for non-BPD's to understand.... actions, thoughts, ways of seeing things.

Drop me a PM...

 

I'm a non-BP, so I'm not going to try and butt into you guys' thread... but I do know a lot about bpd, more than I'd probably wish to know. Since there's been a couple of threads trying to find out similar behaviors, and if you guys want to talk to a larger community, there's a fantastic support site for bpd (diagnosed, undiagnosed, and non's) run by a lady recovered from it. There's tons of resources there, it's active, and they discuss everything from common behaviors, treatments, relationships, metaphysical stuff... everything, basically. It's at www.bpdrecovery.com.

 

My psychologist won't even treat BPDs...

 

I think I am borderline and I don't think it's a sickness. I just look at things differently. I can't stand fakeness. I am not an optimist nor am I a pessimist. I see what is there. It doesn't matter to me if the glass is half full or half empty. What color is the glass, what is it made of, how heavy is it, how does it feel? Also, what is inside of it, is it okay to drink, what does it taste like? These are things that matter to me. I can get lost in the way a certain fabric feels, I could play with someones hair for hours. I love music. I spend a lot of time thinking and writing. It seems that borderlines can understand most anything anyone says, because they already thought about it 100 different ways before it ever crossed the other persons mind. I've written too much.-END.-

 

I think I am borderline and I don't think it's a sickness. I just look at things differently. I can't stand fakeness. I am not an optimist nor am I a pessimist. I see what is there. It doesn't matter to me if the glass is half full or half empty. What color is the glass, what is it made of, how heavy is it, how does it feel? Also, what is inside of it, is it okay to drink, what does it taste like? These are things that matter to me. I can get lost in the way a certain fabric feels, I could play with someones hair for hours. I live from one sensation to the next. I love music. I spend a lot of time thinking and writing. It seems that borderlines can understand most anything anyone says, because they already thought about it 100 different ways before it ever crossed the other persons mind. I've written too much.-END.-

 

Sorry for posting that twice- didnt mean to.

 

That isn't characteristic of a BPD.

 

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I don't know why spooner's psychologist won't, but the situation is common. A lot of psychologists simply don't know enough about it... it's a relatively recent addition to the DSM (think of the DSM like a psychologist's dictionary), it's really, really hard to diagnose, and for a long time was simply thought to be untreatable. When I was in school (not all that long ago), it was never mentioned simply because my professor didn't think it warranted a separate definition. He thought bpd was just for people with multiple disorders, like people with (just an example) bipolar disorder who were also suffering from post traumatic stress disorder with some narcissistic traits. Basically, psychologists used to label people bpd when they couldn't define what they should be classified as. That's changed, but there's a lot of psychologists out there that haven't caught up yet.

Also, many psychologists don't want to treat them because it takes tremendous time and dedication to overcome it. Because of this, they won't take but so many patients. However, it is treatable. DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) is the most succesful approach. Anyone with bpd that acknowledges they have a problem that they want to fix should seriously, seriously look into it.

 

Look at some of the diagnostic criteria:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

He finds that there is a fairly general pattern they fall into; something along the lines of loving him for the first couple sessions, then they have a slight disagreement and they explode and quit etc. and then frantically try to get back. Repeat ad nauseum.

He just doesn't find them pleasant.

 

i am so happy to find this on here...i recently discovered bpd's existence while looking online for some kinda help for what i'm going thru. bpd describes me perfectly. what a relief to be able to connect the dots finally....but now comes the next step where i try to figure out what to do about it. i have always preferred only to take meds in absolute necessity...that may be now...but i have never taken meds for mental issues before and i'm not going there unless i feel sure it is right. i have found some good stuff online for healing...would be so nice to have a forum on here to share...misery loves company!!!! no really, it is healing to express and be understood...what symbiotic relating we could experience thru this....especially being mommies which brings a whole new aspect into the situation with added need for support. peace and love and thanks for opening this up

 

After several years of saying "what the fuck?" with me and my moods, my husband bought a book about how to deal with/love someone with BPD. It's called "Quit Walking on Eggshells", and it's really helped him to understand why I do and act the way that I do sometimes.

I would recommend it to anyone married to/dating/related to someone with BPD! Its help us a lot!

 

I second that... that book is fantastic if you have a loved one or even a friend with bpd.

 

No where else have I seen such a large concentration of bpd people. It took them (them being various psychiatrists, psychologists, and mood specialists) 8 years to get me the proper diagnoses of BPD. Apparently thats one of the key features, going through hell because your psychiatrist is so confused he makes up stuff (has anyone else here heard of a-typical ultra rapid cylcing bi-polar?) and I've also been on every medication assosciated with the various disorders I supposedly had.

I'm now on DBT - it kicks butt. I had to wait forever to get in, but it is so nice to have a therapy where I can see/feel my progress.

I didn't really go the addiction route, my biggest feature is my crappy coping mechinism of self harm/suicide attempts.

So yeah, there's some of me. Feel free to pm me or anything anyone that has questions/wisdom about BPD.