The cosmic carpet While we build our palaces high, The golden gods laze in the sky, And while we toil, and war and have no fun, They are sleeping on a velvet sun, Our world must be made of sand, It seems, once we have it, its seeping from the hand, Come sit with me on my cosmic carpet, It flies through time and space, Through the caverns of you mind, At an incredible pace We must escape this never never reality ‘Cos through these eyes I can see, How it’s a complete catastrophe Let’s take the cosmic carpet Along gods super high way Into the heart of history So that we can truly see The trippy plateau is where we end Fall into me my beautiful friend I want to feel the sound of the ground And its rainbow colours swim around Here flowers of cloth will grow from your skin And back into me Deny all sin So we can be reborn, refreshed and free. Constructive critisism please people. i want to make it better, and these maybe lyrics for a song that my girlfriend and i are writting. does it make any sense? what feelings does it give you? how can i improve it?
very nice form and rythm. also there is a great source of internal rhyme here. which sets a nice flowing pace. great job. i also love the words and imagery great job. enjoyed reading this piece.
