why is it...

that i look for some concrete answer out there and i feel so sure that i can get an answer to questions that have no automatic answer...
meaning i look and seek out an answer for a question from somewhere or someone that will tell me if i should do something. when really, the only way to find out the answer is just to take a shot it. i want someone to tell me how someone else will react when there is no way of knowing until they actually react.

and why is it that i really, really feel that the answers are out there somewhere for me to find? i know that it is just me looking to be less vunerable b/c i would know how someone would react to what i say before i say it. but you can't actaully know that. and when i get advice it does help but i still search for something to scream "this is it" "this is what you should do", so when i don't get that i either chicken out and don't do anything, or make some akward move trying to be open without being vunerable (which is impossible really).

so i am trying to figure out how to, for example, that if i want to tell i guy i am into him, no one can tell me how he will react to that or what he is thinking. and so how do i go about being vunerable and telling him without being to serious or coming on to strong. how do i make a move with some kind of confidence and without looking and feeling like an idiot. all other aspects of my life i am very spontaneous and wild and prefer the adventure of not knowing what's next in life, but when it comes to my heart i am very guarded and without feeling like i know they will react how i want for sure, i won't do anything but wait for them to make a move. but at the same time i act really aloof while wanting them on the inside. usually the guy doesn't think i am interested and won't make the move because i act so non-chalant around them.

basically i am just rambling thru the thoughts in my head here. i just see stuff i have been doing forever that felt so natural to me and i never questioned and now i look at it and think, 'that doesn't make any fucking sense at all' and how could i think that was rational or ever going to get me anywhere. and i am stuck between seeing what i fucked up but not knowing what behavior to put in place of the old way. it is just i am confronted in a situation now and i am trying to figure out how to tell this guy i like him without it being wierd. i am not looking for anything serious really, just friends with benifits..and like go to shows and camping or something together, but i am not looking to have to see or be with someone everyday.
ok, i am done now rambling on. i'd love any opinions of my muddled maddness (if you can follow it, lol) if not that's ok too, i am just spilling out the contents of my head...

 

you know how I feel about this

 

but i don't

 

nor do i? whats up with that

 

yes dhs i know how you feel and i am agreeing with you. i want to tell him what's up. my problem is finding the right way or right words to say it without making it into a big thing. i need to figure out how to communicate what i want to say without it scaring him off..any suggestions?

 

Well, for those of you who are curious (I hope don't mind firequeen)

I will share...


http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18625

 

No day but today, chica. Forget regret and fear, 'cause it doesn't do anything good for ya. Take him somewhere and talk. See what happens. It's worth a shot.

Hope this helps - and good luck!

 

Did anyone else click this because they thought "FireQueen" said "FireQuint"?

 

no, sorry...

 

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is just how long you want to keep torturing yourself.

Hey, we've all been there. But it's those moments when we put it all on the line that define us. That's when we really know what it means to be alive.

No regrets!

(good luck)

 

I disagree with everyone....


RUN GIRL RUN!!!!


If a guy likes you, he'll tell you. When you approach a guy, you are setting yourself up for failure. The world is not warm and fuzzy and guys are idiots. Never be vunerable, it only leads to pain.

 

it's just so hard to put yourself on the line. and as someone who isn't used to doing that, i am trying to find a way to feel comfortable in my own skin enough in order to take that step....it's just so hard for me to find the words to say exactly how i feel the right way. i really am trying. just talking about it here is leading me on the path to doing it. i am supposed to hear from him this weekend to hang out and i am planning (well actually trying to plan) on doing it then. i just need to find the words and the nerve...which is tricky haha!

 

OK MEN....SO, IS SHE RIGHT???
cause what missfontella says is like my instinct and my greatest fear in all of this! so is she right?

 

don't buy into her pessimism/sarcasism

 

I'm not trying to be anything but helpful. Every single time I have said something to a guy first, it ended in disaster. My friends were always "go for it!", "you only live once", or "whats the worse that can happen?" after I explained all of the details about the guy, trying to figure out if he dug me. I wish that someone had been my real friend and told me the truth. I'm trying to be that person for you.


Flirt with him like crazy. If he likes you, he will pick up on it. If he doesn't or asks you about it, there is a chance to deny. You don't get a back door out of it if you just put it on the line. The only safe way is to hint

 

that's a pretty me-centric view on things. so, what your saying is its better to 'play games' and wait for the man to make a move.

 

That view only perpetuates sexual sterotypes which are ultimately harmful to all women. Anything you can do to subvert the dominant paradigm is good for womankind (and for mankind).

The status quo is the ENEMY!

 

I didn't say I liked the way it is, I just said it is. I just went thru this. I went after the guy I wanted, he was polite about it, and while my feelings were growing, he was looking around for someone that he liked enuff to go after. It sucks but I'm not trying to save womankind, just protect my feelings

 

I'm saying its better not have your heart smashed into a million little bits

 

I can respect - I've been played too, but the door swings both ways, women are equally as guilty as men and when it gets to the extreme, generally woman are a helluva lot more succesful when it comes to alimony