I love her, she doesn't like me

I am in love...I have been in love since i first hung out with this girl on february 2nd...This girl is everything I wanted...
I use to say shit like money brings happiness, and that Id take money over love anyday...But now that I feel what love is, I know that love is happiness...And I feel ignorant for ever telling anyone that money is happiness

I don't know what to do anymore..This girl is amazing I haven't tried everything yet but heres the story..BTW Keep in midn I am 17 and she is 16----

I started talking to this girl after we first hung out on February. I began to text her, and at first it was always me starting the conversations. One day I put in my away message "You know it would be nice if you texted me first once in a while." Sure enough, a half hour later she texted me saying whats up. At least I kenw she cared enough to look at my away message, and realize it was to her.

So now we went back and forth talking for about a week or two...We never really talked bout us just about each other...She began opening up to me, telling me anything...She told me about all of her X-BFs, what she has done with them(cause sex in these parts isn't all that common, but it dose happen)...Anyways, she claims she was in love twice and got her heart broken both times...I find that hard to believe you can fall in love twice, but I let her talk and I just atkled with her about all this..

Eventually I began talking to her about us hanging out after 2 weeks shes like YEAH YEAH this weekend is good, and we should drink and blah blah...She was totallllllly for it...So on about the 3rd weekend after talking to her on the phone/text/computer we hung out...We went to go see a movie, When a Stranger Calls...The movie sucked-Ithink- but I was more concerned of impressing her...Keep in mind it wasn';t only us two, but their was about 5 or 6 friend sthere...We both had the same friends, and thats how we met...

That night we held hands a little, but it wasnt anything romatnic, she held my hand and the girl that sat next to her on the other sides hand too...I never even thought about kissing he that night- which we didnt...If anything, it was more of a friendly meet up

Anyways after that the conversations became a little bit more "serious" I guess you can say...I talked to her abuot love for a good hour one time, and I called her up cause she claimed she was crying over this convesation...We were talking about the man she thought she loved, and how he broke her heart and she was close to suicide and blah blah..She told me shes afraid of gtting hurt again, and doesnt want to trust anyone anymore because of what happened to her..I told her that night that I would never break her heart- this is before we ever talked about us...She kind of blew it off shes like, I dont know I dont know and sobbed, and then we hung up cuz she said she didnt want to talk anymore...

Anyways that night I felt the closest to her I ever felt before...We talked the next day, not erally about that but just casual conversation..Anyways, that weekend we hung out again..This time we were both invited to the same sweet 16, and we hung out there..We danced and she bragged about me to all her friends and showcased me...It was awesome, I felt imoprtnant and she defffinitlyy liked me at that time...By the end of the night she was sick and aws leaning on my shoulder in the corner of the party room- it was the perfect oppurtunity to start kissing her cheak...But I didnt- I was nervous and afraid....Anyways the night winded out and it was overall really good...

Then I finally brought up the idea of a date...Im like so this weekend Im taking you out on a date, she just said something like lol ok but you dont haev a car how are you going to do that...I dont drive yet, i got my permit this year...So I am planning tot ake her on a date- a double date- with a frien of mine who drives and blidn him up with someone..Anyway that as for next week, it was the weekend again in no time..

The weekend came by and I went to her friends house...She was there obviously, it was like 6 guys 8 girls...Not supposto be anything romantic..Anyway it was a horrible night..I felt the worst Ive felt my entire time of talking to her...Her X-BF was there, and she still had a thin for him...And he was an absolute prick to her the entire night...She and him got in a huge fight and she pretty much ignoored everyone all night and was upstairs while everyone was in the basment...She was txting her X the whole night about god knows what..So we barely talked the entire night

The day after that horibbbbbleee saturday she imed me and is like im sorry blah blah i dont like him we talked about everything and we're ompltely done...Then she says in an IM with me later that night..(its sunday now)...He just IMed me about you...I figured he hated me, so im like oh shit what is he saying?...Shes like its good, he told me that he heard you like me so much and that your going to treat me righta dn that you would be the ebst thing for me right now...

unfortuantely my friend new her X-Bf and told him all of this...So I had to actually tell her- through AOL- that I liked her...Which was kind of korny..But II said "Well he's right, I've never liked anyone so much in my life...I really do like you..." Her reply was like and thats why I felt so bad about not talking to you all night

It wasnt exactly what I was expecting, but it wasnt a huge let down...Anyways the next weekend she got grounded so we couldnt hang out- it sucked...We talked about a bunch of crap yet agian for the week...But we also played a game- she asks a question- i ask a question...My last question was "Do you want to go on a date with me" her answer aws "yes"...So now I know she likes me !!!

So the weekend goes by and its next week, and I still havent scheduled a date...We never did cuz it was hr sisters bday on the wednesday when I was going to take her out with my friend nd blah- so our "date" never happened..

This weekend(march 25) was where it all went spiraling down...We talked about going to the mall on the saturday and me bringign friends for her friends..And we were supposto go back to my house after the mall...The Saturday, about an hour before she goes tot he mall, her parents say she has to come out to eat with the family from 6-8...So she cant go back to my house anymoer...shit i was so mad

Anyways I did meet up with her at th emall..It didnt go horrible or great..Just normal...She made a fewcomments about leaving the mall early for my house- but nobody else wanted to go...pricks...so we stayed at the mall until Laura had to leave

The night came as quick as the day ended...Everyone at the mall went to this girls house..We hung out there all night and everything was going greattttttt...Me and her were with each other all night, my arm was around her talking with everyone in the girls room...

The last half hour of the night comes... and while everyone is upstairs(the bedroom had an upstairs and a downstairs, teh girl was loaded)...Her and her friend were downstairs..Me and my friend who were each hooking up with one of them went downstairs..My friend took the other girl into the bathroom...And I took her hand and i sai, lets go into the closet..She looked at me smiled and said "I dont know" about 5 times and just smiled dumbly at me...She didnt want to go

Im heartbroken now...I go and I sit at the computer and just relax there..Everyone else comes down now...Their are a few ppl upstairs, and a few ppl downstairs in the bedroom..I go upstairs and the girl I asked to hook up with me foolows me up..I sit down for 2 min she sits down...THen I go downstairs to get away from her, she follos me and stands right next to where Im sitting...I ask again Im like"is there any reason your following me?" I took her hand and I said this is the last chance"Want to be alone wtih me?"...Again her respone is I dont know...

The night ends and we all go home...
Rejected, and heartbroken...

I talk to her on AOl two days later..(yesterday)...and she starts telling me how she tried to like me but she just couldnt.And some days she felt closer to me then others...She told me that she loved me so much as a friend,but doesnt know if she can fall in love with em..I told her u barely know me, we hung out a few weeks...Its been great and blah balh...She said she gave me a chance, and she loves the person I am but she doesnt no if she can flal in love with me

Now she tells me she just wants to be good friends and taht it would be ebst for us right now...

WTF Do i DO...I love this girl so much...I really do

Now here is my questio after my novel...

Do I just play it cool now...Do I pretend she was just another girl, and that I did get over her...And then after about a month of pretending she's just a friend, I try again...Except I change the way I try, and instead of being the nice guy, i play hard to get?

Or should I pronounce my love to her in an extraordinary way? I was thinking showing up at her work with 12 roses and 1 plastic rose and write her a letter...And at the end of the letter put, I'll love you until the last rose dies...And the last rose is plastic and it never dies...Lol yeah...

Shoudl I pull off somethng romantic like that, or play it cool?
What do you do if you love someone so much but they dont love you...

 

yowza, you need to summarize that a bit more, not a lot of folks are going to be able to make it through all that...

first off, well, I'm going to make some generalizations about women. So please keep in mind that there are of course exceptions to every generalization, this is just my set of perceptions.
First off, women want rich-context communication. We don't want text msg's, or IM's for someone to show that they're interested in us. We want face to face or phone communications, we want to hear your voice. IM's etc have no context, no tone no body language no nothing from which we can try to figure out what you're thinking, what else is going on. It's LESS MEANINGFUL than rich communications such as face to face or phone conversations.

Second, she's testing you. No, really, even if she doesn't realize it, she was testing you the whole way through to see if you'd measure up to her wants, whehter or not she's aware of what she was doing. That amount of testing and hoops to jump through can be a strain on any relationship - she needs to realize what she's doing and restrain herself from such activities.

Third, when you ask a girl out on a date we expect it to be ONE ON ONE. We don't want our first date to be a double date, especially not once we're 15+. We want to be able to focus on that one person and see how we really feel about them when we're alone, because people behave differently aroudn their friends compared to with their girlfriends/who they're interested in.

Fourth, SHE WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH YOU and you screwed it up! She wanted to go to your place, you could have just told your friends you'd see them tomorrow and the two of you leave the mall. Don't blame others for not wanting to go, you aren't literally joined at the hip with any of them so far as I'm aware. Asking a girl if she wants to go into a closet with you is NOT ROMANTIC. Let me repeat that, it is NOT ROMANTIC. It makes us feel cheap, like meat, like you just want us to kiss and grope even if we had been having a great conversation before hand. Yes, it's something that can work once you two are at least semi-serious in the relationship game, but when ya'll havent' even had a serious kiss yet, it makes the girl feel like a piece of meat.



Lastly... do you really want to be with someone who puts you through so many tests, who makes you jump through so many hoops? I mean, some of it you'll learn along the way, they're just silly mistakes that can happen to anyone. But -this many- tests from just one girl seems like an awful lot, even to me.

 

Well first off IHMuria... I really appreciaet you answerg all of my questions...keep in mind 3 of us use this name, all brothers within a year of age...And I thank you for answereing this names like last 4 questions...haha

Anyways...The backround story was just a way to get the feel of the situation..

The question I want to know is...

Well I love this girl so much, it's unbelievable..I cant just stop, adn I cant try and forget about her- I wont...For all of you in love, you know what it's like

I know shes liked me at a time, and she kind of still likes me, jus tnot enough..My question is..

Should I play it cool and pretend that this isn't effecting me all that much?...She doesn't know I love her, she just thinks I like her a lot...Should I pretend that she was just another girl that I liked, and that it's okay if we are friends and just talk instead of have a relationship...Obviously after pretending I dont like her all that much, I will again pursue her...But not right now I wont

OR should I do something extreme and out of the ordinary for her...Should I do something rommatnci..Like send her a letter to her house explaining my love, and hide a present in her room..Or put roses and a card in her locker...Or bring roses to where she works and put one plastic rose in the dozen and tell her Ill love her until the last rose dies..Should I do something extreme like that?

But for those of you who were never in this situation...Imagine having someone you dont have feelings for telling you they love you and putting you on the spot in something as extreme as those 3 situatiions..I dont want her to be forced itno telling me she will be with me...

What would you do.....???

 

I think you gotta do what's in your heart. Do you want to persue her? You could try something really exstravgant and if that doesn't work, wait. Because right now she is in a state were she doesn't seem really over her old relationships and since they were so rough she's afraid to start a new one. She's afraid like she said and you should give her time to heal herself. I think she honestly realizes that you're a great guy but being a great guy and loving a person friendship wise is differnt than falling in love. You can't make yourself fall in love with anyone even if you know that person is right for you. It's unfortuantly uncontrolable.

So why I would do is profess your love for her in a very romantic way (face to face) so she really gets it from you and sees it's from the heart. Don't put pressure on her to love you right away or else you'll be making her feel guilty. Just tell her you love her and then say to her "don't feel obligated in any way to go out with me, I just want you to know that I'll always love you no matter what. Even if that means we are just friends I want to be there for you." Something like that. That way she knows how you feel and she isn't pressured and feeling guilty when she doesn't return the feelings then wait for her to make the next move if she does. Unfortuantly you're probably going to have to suffer a wait for her and she may never come around. But think of it this way. At least you have her in your life even if she is just your friend. I mean it's better than never knowing her at all right?

 

Well...first thing I noticed was just said that you didn't believe someone could fall in love twice. That's not true, though it is a little less likely for a 16 year old. She probably was infatuated or thought she was in love at least one of those times, though I can't really say, different people have different feelings. Anyway, basically, she's rejected you, which gives you two options: let it be and give your heart time to heal, or continue pursuing a relationship with this girl. The best way to do that is like Ihmurria said, better communication. Feelings aren't projected well through text based things, face to face is the best way to talk, but phones work for when you can't. Obviously she was interested in you at first and you may still have a chance to try again. But leave your friends at home this time! Meet her at the park, go for a walk, do something that doesn't involve a vehicle. Cars are definitely not a must for a good relationship (I know this from experience! My bf and I were involved in a fairly bad accident last week and now have to resort to bumming rides from people or walking, but we still have the ability to see each other). Just devote some time to just her, and let her get to know you. It sounds like you've been doing an awful lot of talking about her and not much about you. Maybe she hasn't had a chance to develop feelings for you. Maybe she never will, but she might, you'll never know if you don't take the chance.

Your post is a bit lengthy, though, summarization is always a plus, though I'm one to be talking...haha.

 

Now I tell her two of her friends want to hook up with me and she gets mad all of a sudden...

She told me on the phone that she doesn't like me, and that we should just be freinds- but she get sjealous when I want to hook up with her friends?

Seriously, what is this..I think she just wants to keep me close cuz shes lonely or something..Or does she actually have feelings for me....?

Anyways I think the REAL problem is that she thinks im ugly..One of her friends that I know made a comment about it... I said to him im 10 x hotter then him(jokingly) and hes like are you serious, I can make you cry right now dude...

I met him through her, and basically she is the only friend of his that I am friends with a well- it was the first time me and him hung out...He knows I like her and talks to her about me a lot...

Anyways if she thinks Im ugly but likes everything else about me- I think thats why she might be torn...Or maybe she doesnt like me and just actaully wants to be friend

It cant be though, I love her, I thought this shit was always mutual.....!!!

 

challenging someone on their appearance is NEVER gonna be a good thing. You never say to someones face that you're hotter than them, even jokingly (and most guys have this ego/competition thing going, so you basically gave this guy a challenge to fuck you over)

 

If she's going to judge you entirely on her perception of your physical appearance, she is not worth your time at all under any circumstances. Beauty comes from within.