he is cheating on me with his car, at the garage. i don't care what people say, it might not be a person, but it hurts to know that he would rather be there than with me. he is gone every single night from the time he gets off of work, until 1 am. he doesn't want to do anything with me and he doesn't want me there with him. i understand hobbies, and him needing alone time, but well, if this were another person that he were spending time with, everyone in the whole world would tell me to leave him. i just wanted to write this. i don't really care if anyone responds.
Perhaps you should beat him at his own game and cheat on him with the shopping mall, using HIS credit card
if u cant take it try to talk to him about it...and if that doesnt work then you'll have to end it i guess
you are funny, thanks for making me smile. even though i know it seems silly, it really is something that isn't healthy for our relationship. i have tried talking to him about it, but i also don't want to seem like i'm nagging him or not being supportive of his hobby. i don't mind him having a hobby and doing what he likes to do, but at the same time, i wish he liked to do things with me every once in a while. last night he said that a whole bunch of the guys girlfriends and wives showed up there and their kids and stuff, and i was talking to him on the phone, but he didn't invite me. then he got home and said oh i'm sorry i should have invited you to come (i don't know where it is so i would have had to get directions from him). i just want to hang out too, ya know. i wasn't doing anything but sitting at home watching gay tv and he knew i was bored. he should have invited me i think. i mean if i were in his shoes, i would have.
you should talk to him about it for sure, but the bottom line is that you can not expect him to change and if it is a real issue for you then either find something else to do to pass the time while he's gone, or get rid of him.
you just sat around watching TV? fuck that, i would've called my friends and gone out drinking, then came home at 2 in the morning all drunk and woken him up...hehehe...but i'm just weird like that.
Basically you have to to talk to him to have him pay attention to you. Otherwise if the car is more important you have to make a choice to leave him.
I agree with sonador_hermosa on that one.. I mean just sitting around and watching t.v certainly isn't a great relationship.. I mean actually just sitting there watching t.v. I think you should at least talk to the guy... maybe you can take an intrest in his cars as well (kind of like a team thing)...
or go to the garage . . . oh yeah have fun with it. mabe dress up a little, curl your lashes back. tell him you were in the area, thought youd stop buy. introduce yourself politely to all the guys, . . . hang out for 1 beer, a smoke. then say good bye, give his friends a hug good bye if it feels right, that will get him thinking about ya. then mabe some night when hes there alone you can think of some think original to do, kind of "chrisen" the garage.
You all are quite funny. This is a serious relationship, we aren't a bunch of kids here. We are planning to get married, and we have been an exclusive couple for 5 years, friends for even longer. Like someone else posted their mate is cheating with his work, same principle. I've actually done some reading about this and it isn't as easy as some of the advice given here. Of course that is my fault for not explaining the situation fully. See, I don't normally just sit around and wait for him. I have an extremely busy schedule. But that particular night, ALL of my friends were busy, and I was broke. I don't really have any desire to just sit around a nasty bar all night getting hit on by drunk losers either. (I did have plans for the next evening). And it isn't about my prancing around all "done up" and cute because I do that all of the time, in front of him, his friends whoever, I can't help that I'm cute. He is normally more impressed when I put on my yoga pants and a tank top anyway, he hates when I wear make-up, so it really isn't about my getting dolled up. The thing is, the garage is his space and his hobby. I don't want to invade it, bother him or start "stealing" his friends or time away from home and worries. It is normally all guys there and cars really aren't my thing (at least not as much as they get into it). I like having my things that I do, like going out dancing with my girlfriends or playing volleyball or hanging with hippies at the coffee shop and doing my poetry readings. And I like him to do his own thing. I don't want him up my ass. It just started to become and issue when he would be going to the garage every single day after work until midnight, come home go to bed (after I'd already be asleep) wake up grumpy because he didn't get much sleep, be angry at me for it and repeat. Then on the weekend, instead of hanging with me (after being at the garage all week long) he wanted to go back to the garage and do the whole car thing again. Not to mention the lack of sex and affection in our relationship because of this. It just seems like he has a choice each time he goes there, to spend time with me or to go to the garage, and it seems like he always chooses the garage. It feels like the garage is "the other woman" so to speak. Apparently, according to these books I have read, this happens a lot, but it is usually with married couples and children. Usually one of them "escapes" the relationship by spending all of their time and energy with the children. Even though that is great for the kids, to have that time (usually with the mother) they also do not see the parents interacting like a loving couple. That is the problem. We haven't got kids, but we aren't interacting like a loving couple. Or sometimes the man will throw himself into his work, thinking that he is doing something good by providing for the family, but actually not being there is doing harm. And I mean I could have just stopped by there, but I have no idea where the new garage is. I haven't been there yet. I used to stop by the old one, just to say hi, now and again. But I needed him to invite me and give me directions. It was different this time, because it was more like a party than anyone doing any work. Everyone else's significant other showed up, brought their kids, etc. and hung out and talked (none of them drink or do any drugs). And I was on the phone with my boyfriend twice that night, he could have said, hey you should stop by cause a bunch of people showed up and we are just chillin. But he chose not to. Not to mention the fact that he said he would be home at 11pm, but he didn't show up until 2 am. Without calling or anything. The last I heard from him was 10 pm. Then the next night, even though I was out and I didn't care what he was doing, he said he was out at the garage until 5 am. To me that sounds like an affair. And the sucky part is, that I haven't even got another woman to blame or compare myself to, because he is cheating on me with a stupid fucking car. It just doesn't seem fair, that even though I go out and do my own thing, and have a busy life, that when I have free time I want to spend it with him, and when he has any free time, he would rather spend it at the garage. Don't get me wrong, I have thought about smashing the car many times when I have been angry over it, I told him not to buy it to begin with, but I can't do that to him. I couldn't do that to anyone. Two wrongs won't make a right here. And breaking things never solved a problem as far as I'm aware. Just not my personality I guess. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he looks at it as I don't want him to do anything that he wants to do, that isn't true, but I guess he just isn't seeing things from my point of view. Maybe I should conveniently become busy every night, come home all hours in the morning and then he will feel like what I feel like.
the fact that you can't have honest open lines of productive communication with him regarding this situation should be cause for alarm. Marriage? I wouldn't even discuss that until you work this situation out. Sounds to me like he's taking this relationship for granted because you've been together so long. I don't know if you have plans to or not, but throw children into the picture and see what happens. How do you think little Jimmy will feel if pop is in the garage instead of cheering him on at his little league games? I can understand hobbies and alone time, but this seems problematic and not condusive to a healthy relationship in the long hual.
Thanks dhs, we aren't seriously into the marriage thing, just where our relationship was headed, or so I thought after 5 years. And I'm not going into that until I'm certain our relationship is up to par, so we don't have major problems like this down the road. Trust me, we aren't in a hurry to get married, or have kids for that matter. But for the time being I would like to explain to him how this makes me feel. And I just wish that he could understand, that he really is making a choice. I want to understand why he doesn't want to spend time with me. I want to know why he doesn't miss me or want to be with me. I really do feel taken for granted.
I am in a different situation than you, so don't apply this to your relationship one bit. All I want to tell you is that I know how you feel. The love of my life does not care how hurt I feel by her actions and has completely played me over the past three months. In the last week, I have made the decision to move on for good from her. (we're not together, but she keeps stringing me along making me hope that we could be again someday. we were together for the better part of 7 years at one point.) Like I said, completely different scenario, so don't apply my situation in the least towards yours, I just want to say I know how you feel - such actions even though unintentional hurt to no end. I'm sorry for you, I truly am and hope you can work this out. Just keep trying, don't give up. Not exactly the best advice from someone who just gave up, but like I said completely different situation.
