The Relationship between Love and Lust

There is a guy at my school who may very well have been responsible for me coming out to myself. He's very good looking, so my infatuation seemed to be lust and nothing but. But its been about 2 years now, and though I have had sexual crushes on many other guys I know in that time, all of them passed easily, and I don't have much interest in most at all. But I am still nearly obsessed with this guy, who I at first thought was a lustful crush just like anything else. But I have a huge desire to be closer to him, not just sexually but personally. I don't know him all that well, but I have very strong feelings for him. I would not be satisfyed if we just had sex or something, I want something more. But I just don't understand why its like this when all it was was lust. How big of a role does lust play in love? I dare not say I'm in love with him, but just very very interested. Why him and not other people I'm sexually attracted to?

 

No one will ever really know. The equation of human attraction appears to be to complex and too individual to be fully explained. Some guys just attract you in one sense or the other more than the others. We have got to live with this, without ever figuring it out to the end.

Yup, there are sound reasons to believe that you can love without lust and lust without love. Men are more likely to divorce the two and are generally seen to be more capable (or less sensitive) to this rift.

One last word of caution: you don't quite know this dude you are kinda falling for. Catch a breath here and take it easy. Go and get to know him a bit before you let him break your heart

KD

 

hey,
kewldewd made some goods points:
there is no way to really fully understand the line between love and lust and why we are attracted to others. you just have to go with it.

but it does seem kind of confusing that you are into having a relationship with him rather than just sex. I dont get this at all though- if you dont' know him that much, how can you know that you'd want to be with him on a personal level? It soudns like lust is confusing you maybe. Maybe you're mistaking strong lust for a desire to know him. Because if he's as handsome as you say he is, I know I'd probably want him a lot too, and it wouldn't be a feeling that'd just go away.

I don't mean to sound annoying. Just trying to help. ANd i hope i did
Cheers, and Love,
Dylan

 

I know how you feel. I have a clear idea of my type, but the people I end up falling for are very rarely anything like that type. Love, infatuation, whatever it may be, just comes, there's very rarely any logic to it. I wouldn't over analyse it, because you risk undermining very genuine feelings for him. OK, he might not be your soulmate, but you don't want to tell yourself that any feelings that you're uncertain of are somehow less valuable.

To put it less grandly, there's been loads of guys I've been attracted to for long periods that I know I'm not really in love with. It's pretty rare that I'll be in love with someone who I'm not attracted to (i.e. lusting after) as well, although there's varying degrees of that lust. My last big thing was with someone who I was incredibly attracted to from the off, and who, the more time I spent with him, turned out to be damn near perfect, so my initial lustful reaction turned to love pretty quickly. OK, so that was over a short space of time, but certainly before I got to know him, I had a sexual attraction.

There's other factors. Over such a long space of time, he can change, you can change, and you can get to know each other better, all of which means more chance that, if you are compatable, you'll grow more attached to each other. You have a potential to love a lot of people who you never really get to know, and if you meet someone and eventually do fall for them, I think that's if anything more genuine than the love-at-first-sight scenario we all romanticise about.