seperation on a solar level, cast across the afternoon blue. the sky is not the sun's canvas, but rather it's looking glass. only the moon lives there. through this radiation telescope we are the pinpoint, the target. in the western sky we are the weapon. in the maroon dusk of the 19th hour, spreading wings, changing form. waking in the dew bed of 8 AM, i will breathe light and slow, drop late sleep, & think of all lost in furious instinct. this crow feather brought a message, reflecting symbolisms, am i supposed to fly away? dances and mantras, and buddha's recycled breath. in the dead space of later day, i smoke, speaking softly with friends and peers. i drift along your words, leaf like, in the wind, painting such pictures. green grass smoke signals lift us to cloud level, bringing about meditation eyelids. good things shared amongst old friends, kept close. we were just living, just playing, making shadows in afternoon light. winding down in ceremonial waters at day's end, deep sleep is imminent. still always wishing, thinking something was missing. drowning out sounds, thoughts, vibrations, sinking deeper inwards. trying to, anyway. maybe later days will reveal what these hours couldn't...or not. on some level, always looking, always searching, flying pourous skies of awareness.
How playful. This line appealed very much to me, I don't know exactly why - this was the one part, out of all that stood out. Perhaps it is my current state of being. Lovely over all...just capitalize! Unless of course you don't like to, and in that case, it's fine.
Man, that was wonderful, beautiful wording, really made the imagery feel familiar and real. Only bad part was the indecisiveness in the last part. But then again, I think we can all relate to that.
Thank you both for your comments! I'm glad you liked it. Psychadelicbird, I usually always capitalize, but I had the "notepad" open, and was just sort of lazily typing whatever came to mind. Didn't want to go through it all and fix it, haha. BTM, I guess the indecisiveness at the ending is sort of a reflection of my present state. Plus, it seems to be human nature to always wish for more, or better, even when things are going great. That's what I was trying to convey, people's insatiable thirst for more. Not necessarily a personal trait of mine, but as you said, pretty much everyone can relate to it on some level. Thanks for commenting, both of you.
how the fuck did I miss this poem? It's beautiful. Actually.... IM me, whenever you're online next at the same time as me, because I have a question for you regarding this one. I LOVE IT.
wonderful poem, full of concrete images. very solid, the flow is wonderful, word choice moves well in a whispy kind of way. i really enjoyed this poem. could be some adjustments, but not sure if that critique is for this site (my profession is writing so tend to ramble about technical aspects) any how wonderful job. keep working and enjoying your wonderful relationship with poetry.
