Friendships

are your friendships purely organic, natural things. Or do you have to work at them? Who reaches out more often, who organizes seeing each other more often? After how long of not seeing or contacting each other do you consider yourself not friends with someone any more?







*sigh* I've kinda been having a rough time with one of my friends. For a long time she was my best friend, and now, I'm not so sure. I mean, I know she's going through a rough time too, but she's pretty much unreachable. Never at her parents house, in the midst of moving to her bf's place but hasn't given me the number for there yet. So I have to email her to reach her, but she doesn't respond for like three days, so I basically need to try and schedule a meeting with her a week or two in advance. It's rough, because lately there have been a few days where I needed to talk to her, and I couldn't get ahold of her, couldn't talk out my problems with her at all.

I feel like I'm always the one reaching out, trying to contact the other person, and always getting shut down (not just by this one girl, but by most everyone as well). It's getting really tiring, when people keep saying "yes, we should get together sometime, call me, but I'm not going to tell you when I'm available, never return your calls nor your emails"
it sucks

 

the only person you can always rely on is yourself....


you are the MOST important person to YOU..

friends come and go, enemies accumulate...

 

I'm a bad friend like that to my friends.

 

i can't remember who said it


"love is a friendship set on fire"

thats great

 

I have good friends (5), and everybody else I hang out with falls under drinking buddy, running partner, acquaintance, chick i want to hook up with, ennui friend, and people i'm trying to ditch but won't leave.

 

Well my friends and i generally follow the 'smoke' around so it isnt difficult to meet up and none of us really try to hard which is a good thing but on the other hand all we do is 'smoke'.

 

With me...Personaly and Most Recently...I Have to Work on Friendships the Most...

So much That I Have Now Decided to Give up...

I Was Always Better at Being a Loner...Life Seems Generaly Less Stressful That Way...When I am my Only Concern...

-I Can't Believe the Major Typos I Had in There!

Hehehehehe...

 

I'd be a loner to if i didnt get along with people fairly well, its like if i click with some one yeah we'll be friends but its not like im gonna put effort into all that shit.

 

ihmurria, I'm going through something very similar with someone who is very important to me.

I find that I tend to do more than 50% of the heavy lifting in most of my friendships. You may have to be patient and sit down with someone and ask what's up.

 

One friendship it is completely pure and organic, never being forced or worked on unless we are fighting. All my others I have to work on.

 

I totally understand what you mean ihmurria. I've pretty much given up on most of my friendships or seeking new ones. I'm sick and tired of reaching out and getting burnt all of the time. Doesn't make you really want to try, you know? There is only so much rejection you can take, and I've had entirely too much.

My one true best friend is just the most loving and genuine person. Our relationsip is an organic one, and she and I are so much alike it's scarey at times. We're both in the same boat, married, kids, and we can understand that things get busy and just because we may not get to talk as often as we'd like, that we still love one another and that the next time we talk, nothing will have changed, it will be like we just spoke the other day. She's a wonderful friend. I only wished we still lived closer to one another. Not that we're all that far away, about 5 hours, but it's not easy getting together like we did when we were younger and lived closer. But such is life. I believe that she and I will always be close...we've been friends for 15 years. Wow.

 

I guess it could go either way but most of mine are the organic I suppose.. I really pout forth about 0 effort to maintaining friendships, so I guess it's pretty much all that way.. I just bump into people when I do.. I don't think any length of time would make me no longer friends with someone if I have no other reason not to be..

 

I lash out at my friends alot at the moment..

At the time, I really don't care if they come back or not...


When they do come back, I invariably decide that they're friends I really want to keep.



I still have to work soooo hard to keep my friends though..

And they mean more to me than anybody else... Family.. Lovers...

 

I'm reading and rereading the posts on this topic because I'm going through an unbearably rough time with my best friend.

We used to get together three or even four times a week and talk on the phone almost every evening.

I haven't seen him for five weeks, and we haven't spoken on the telephone for a week. I feel like I'm being phased out, and I'm very sad. Input?

 

You know what's really messed up? A couple of hours after I posted in this thread, my phone rings, and a friend of mine that I haven't talked to in almost a year called. Go figure! It was kind of awkward though. She and I have been on and off again since high school, best friends, enemies, best friends, enemies (the enemy parts were never my doing, but the friendship make-ups were) We were really close during the friendship times, but she tends to be possesive and doesn't like the fact that she has to share me with my kids and husband. She wants my undivided attention at all times. It's always been this way.

It's sad because she and I have had some really good times, but I didn't say a whole lot on the phone, I let her talk and listened. She doesn't really care about my life anyway, always brushes things I talk about aside and talks about herself. If I happen to talk about my kids she's like "uh-huh, yeah" in a painfully obvious bored and uninterested tone of voice so I have learned not to talk about them much at all. Sad really.

My husband positively hates her, has never been able to stand her. I can't blame him in a way. He saw her put me through some hell in the past when he and I first moved in together. She lived across the street from us and would have her friends over, sit out on the front porch and if they saw me come outside they'd yell "bitch" or start laughing at me. Any why? Because I was happy, in love, and getting married, all of things she wanted but didn't have. It hurt.

Anyway.

I just thought it was crazy that she called today after I had made that post earlier. *cue Twilight Zone music*

 

whats happened to you has happened so much to me to, so much in the past years that i've basically given up on trying to maintain a good friendship around here. Normally during the week they are rather busy, which is easy to understand, but on the weekends i used to try to call many people to see what they wanted to do, since they asked me to call em, and they said they call me back, and never do...its just complete bullshit, and i'd rather expect nothing then get my hopes up.

every few weeks or so i get a phone call from one friend, and its a good time, but i never feel its enough. it would be nice to have at least one good friend to call on more often

 

exactly, oh so exactly

the worst part is, this best friend and I have had so much in common in our life, been through so many similar things at hte same time. We met in freakin kindergarten. I spent four hours in the pouring rain with her one night, looking for her work keys while she cried ($300 to replace hte locks in the store, because management was stupid enough to print hte stores name on the keys)

And today (we went for lunch with a few other people) she was talking about how her and her sister aren't getting along. Talking about how she's reached out so much and keeps getting burned. aha, and most of us were pretty quiet on that.. I think she's been doing this to a few of her other friends as well.

It just tears me up. I mean, I'll be there for her, I can't not be there for her it's just not in my nature to abandon someone. But it hurts, that she talks about this problem with her sister when she can't realize she's doing the same damn thing to the people around her. I tried talking to her a wee bit today about us, mostly about how I can never reach her by phone (parents say she's moved out though she hasn't yet, isn't ever home to get messages, and didn't give anyone her bf's number where she does spend most of her free time). She just brushed it off, said "oh just leave me a message, I'll get it eventually"

I shouldn't have to schedule a friendship like that, it's driving me craaaazy. I had a really rough night a few days ago (ehem, the fuck this thread) and I couldn't talk to her about it, I couldn't reach her by phone at all.

*sigh* such stress, such drama

 

It hurts when you want a friendship to work, and you have to continusouly struggle to do so. Yet there's something about that person that draws you to them, that makes you not want to abandon the friendship, and you hold hopes that things will work themselves out.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

I have one friend in St. Louis who I've been friends with since 3rd grade- granted I don't see her often since we moved but we still talk all the time and hang out when I do go out there. I have another friend near cleveland who is like my sister and we talk when we can but we both know we are busy and stuff and see eachother when we can. Locally, I have no friends. Acquaintances at work who I might go out and have a drink with now and then but thats it. All my 'friends' in this area dropped me when I had my son. But honestly I don't really mind right now b/c I don't have much time. But it sucks knowing I only have 2 true friends who I can count on for anything. (unless you count my mom who is my best friend then its 3)

 

i was consider myself a good friend.i tend to stick to a few close ones though.i have to work on the ones that i don't really hang out with outside of school because a year can go by and classes change and you might never see then as often and you just stop talking to them.

i have one best friend.and we've never had problems with eachother.unless it was just some silly thing.i don't see any pressure on having to fight for her friendship.if someone doesn't seem interesting in beng my friend then i don't force anything upon them.i just let it be.