Opening scenes from new hippy movie i'm writing. check it out...

This is my hippy movie so far. My friend and I have been working on it. I have two or three more scenes that aren't near close enough to good enough to post, so here's the first two. Tell me what you think.

SCENE ONE:

Setting: classroom; students in desks in rows in the room. At the back of the classroom are two boys, KYLE, and NORMAN. Both have tired expressions and look somewhat bored. At the front of the room is the TEACHER, sitting at his desk.)

(There is noise of students chatting loudly in the room. Faint noises of traffic can also be heard. Loud music can be heard blaring from a girl's headphones)

TEACHER:
(stupid expression, sitting at desk, drinking coffee, smoking.)
(stands up)
Quiet! (rolls eyes in annoyance, puts hand up, class gradually quiets down.)
Okay class (takes last drag from cigarette, puts in out in ashtray on desk.)
We are going to do an exercise...it teaches you about..(reads of paper, says word as if he does not understand it.)..detachment.
Listen carefully. (Takes sip of coffee, moves nose as he swallows, puts cup back on desk.) On a piece of paper, write your four most important objects, your four most important pass-times, and your four most important places. (Coughs lightly) Lastly, write the four most important people in your life. These aren’t (Almost slightly sarcastic tons) supposed to be your favorite things. They're the thing and places and people that have had the most influence on you and things you can't live without.
(Runs hand over balding head, as if to think 'They're never gonna get it, I'd like to get out of here...)

(TEACHER sits down, drinks coffee, shots reflect that a few minutes of time elapses.)

STUDENT ONE: (Boy) Man, (Laughing very pretentiously, oblivious to his own immaturity) My favorite place is the playboy mansion...

STUDENT TWO: (another pretentious boy; shows shot of him writing down "XBOX"; Camera angle spins around the room.)

STUDENT THREE: (girl; looks upwards momentarily, then writes "Jesus" in neat handwriting, accompanied by a variety of girly-looking pentagram-style stars and hearts)

STUDENT THREE: (Boy; To student one) dude, (STUDENT ONE looks down at his page, and sees "Carmen Electra" written in messy writing; Both snicker to themselves.)

(Shows shot of KYLE and NORMAN writing down things, with very deep expressions in their eyes. Camera angles reflect the fact that they are much more introspective and thoughtful than the other students in the class. They have colour to their personalities, and it reflects that they are out of place, and feel this way.)

TEACHER: (Wipes nose with knuckle, inhales slightly)
Okay. That should be enough time. Write each of your selections on a separate scrap of paper. Choose one from each category to get rid of.

(gasps in the classroom, and then light breathing, suggesting light group laughter)

TEACHER (Looking somewhat stressed, and annoyed, not wanting to bother...)
Now has everybody chosen…okay, good. Now, choose another one

NORMAN: (To KYLE; look of wonder and depth in both boys' eyes)
I wish they really had to choose, man...it'd do us all some good...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SCENE TWO

Setting: NORMAN and KYLE sitting on the floor in Kyle's room. The room is very messy and is filled with books, posters, and plants. The air is hazy, and the boys have clearly been smoking marijuana in it. The lighting, angles and set suggest that this is a moment of enlightened clarity.

NORMAN: (Legs in yoga-ish meditative pose, speaking wisely) Listen to that song, it's really tr...(coughs lightly)
Really true, man. Makes me think about what this culture values. The whole fuckin' town is so superficial. Sometimes I just want to leave this goddamn place, don't ya think so..(trails off

KYLE: (Just finishes very large bong hit, cheeks are puffed, and eyes are wide open. Exhales quickly as he begins to talk.)
Huhhh...what? Yeah, man, totally...(Drops Bic-style lighter, and takes a deep breath)
Man, ahhh, fuck. (sighs) My mom says you're not supposed to hang out here anymore, because (bitterly) you're a bad influence on me. It's bullshit, man...

NORMAN: (Loses wise pose and now looks dumbfounded. Breathing quickens, eyes widen slightly.)
Fuck, I'm a bad influence on you? Before I met you I didn't know there was anything else out there...

KYLE: (interrupting slightly) Sorry about that, man…I just…..

NORMAN: No, man, it's cool. You opened up this world for me...and I love you for that...I feel myself now, ya know...it's like...(a bit embarrassed) I'm a catterpillar that just became a butterfly...

KYLE: Man, that's poetic...mmm...far out...(starts packing bowl in bong.)

NORMAN: (laughs, feeling a little superior) It's a fuckin' cliche, it is...

KYLE: No, I dig it...

NORMAN: (proud, but not entirely convinced) I was thinkin' of using in that song I was workin' on...

KYLE: That's be fuckin' awesome.

NORMAN: (No longer convinced, slightly mockingly)
Fuckin' pretentious...

KYLE: (Not understanding his friend's self-consciousness, and trying to be positive.)
No, man...

(Long pause.)

NORMAN: (Contemplating an idea)
You ever wanted to just get out?

KYLE: Like how?

NORMAN: Leaving...going to live somewhere, back to how things are supposed to go, man. In the woods somewhere, I guess, but I don't know...

KYLE: (In agreement) yeah man...I have. (Trails in with something unintelligable, finishing with) start a commune sometime or somethin'...

 

o m f g

that is awesome...I love it
i'm speechless

 

lol, thanks. i'm working on some more today, and i'll post some more a little later...

 

awesome man, thats fucking good. u schould become a script writer someday

 

Don't quit your day job.

 

man you writing bout school in 1963 or what ,,, teacher smokin in the classroom....

all sounds kewl in theory but ...... ehhhh as thudly says dont quit yer day job...

 

haha this is funny, it's like the most stereotypical things u can possibly write. Your tryin way to hard to sound like a hippy man and coming from a 15 year old it's just laughable. i guess it doesnt matter that much but i'm just saying in school now a days or at least when i was in high school in the late 90's early 00's the outcast kids were more punks and geeks and loners and just people who just were their own individuals including myself, but there really isnt 15 year old hippies anymore.

 

just think 'Kyle' is a cool name.

 

Wow, I really like it! I hope you post more soon...

 

don't let them put you down man

 

the majourity of your work will be mostly crap... and since youre 15 nothing is true-er than that.

but, keep writing. writers only get better if they keep writing.

...and i suggest reading scripts of many good movies and plays.

 

the poster above me is a raging homosexual

 

good for her

 

Enough homosexual crap. That gets annoying fast. You're not shocking anybody.

 

I'm shocked...

No- wait a minute I'm not... that was gas- sorry.

OK- back to the penguin races.

 

ROFL my point exactly

 

dont worry about people acting genuinely offended because you wrote a way they didnt like, keep writing brother.

 

That's pretty good dude. It's like, now I wanna know the rest. haha