Can't believe I'm doing this...

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by OceanStar, Mar 12, 2006.

  1. OceanStar

    OceanStar Member

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    Okay I really can't believe I'm doing this. I've never really written a poem before. I'd really appreciate some advice if anyone has any. Peace. [​IMG]


    Common Worm

    Little Worm writhing helplessly
    on the pavement beneath my foot,
    The rain has left your home flooded,
    you came up for air. I could crush you
    so easily...


    you are completely helpless.

    You are weak, and so, vunerable.
    Removed from safety,
    The moment you dreaded...


    and you are completly alone now.

    Looking down
    you are so much smaller.



    But something in me hears your
    lonely pleading, I get down
    to my knees...


    you are scared.

    Closer,
    I take you in my hand.
    The frantic twisting shows distrust,
    But I understand.
    Leaving you on a bed of earth,
    you are what I wanted you to be...


    Completly safe.
     
  2. osiris

    osiris Senior Member

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    I rather enjoyed it. I'll leave it to others to give you advice of a technical nature. I will simply say that you have an innate talent, the development of which is best accomodated by more writing.

    There are two things, in my opinion, which make a poet. Technical skill, which comes with time and practice. But more importantly, insight into the Heart. It is for every poet to be a bridge over the abyss between intellect and instinct, as well as between intellect and intuition. You have displayed some of this insight. But don't try to force it. Just continue to love it and nourish it and seek it. It will in its turn find you. People call that inspiration. :)

    Best Luck.
     
  3. OceanStar

    OceanStar Member

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    thank you for being kind. :)
     
  4. useless poet

    useless poet Member

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    Hello Ocean star,well i actually quite like it,i love the way you took a worm and made it into a poem,good for you,it is great to see something different well done keep it up.
     
  5. shaina

    shaina No War Know Peace

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    i love it cause i always feel so bad for the worms and i do the same thing and everyone thinks i'm weird but i don't care
     

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