The London Rain's In Bloom This place is unforgotten, it's embeded in my soul. London Rain fills my head and the flowers are In Bloom. Burning still in the pit of my womb this place has made me a star It took me away. The ocean skies sip paint from a leaf and the dragon's out of fire. Your name is wicked in the clouds- the mistaken fairy tail of fear Bring me down from this fantasy sky, the bar was set too high. Take me away from your candyland and bring me back to hell. i can't tell if i like it yet or not, i just know it makes me sad.
I like this, apart from the last line. I particularly like "the ocean skies sip paint from a leaf and the dragon's out of fire". I don't know why I didn't like the last line, I just thought it was weak compared to the rest.
I also like this, but as littleskinny said the last line is a little less strong compared to the rest. But other then that, I really like this.
I don't know about the last line, but here are some corrections: embeded - embedded. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but you might want to check just in case I'm right. tail - tale, as in "fairy tale". Unless of course you meant this as a pun referring to the dragon in the previous line.
i thought it was great, hun. i'm so glad you've decided to start writing more, you really have some amazing talent.
I like your descriptions and simply what you choose to describe. Though the pace makes the poem hard to read without akward pausing. Try dabbeling with the rhythm, or mixing the lines up...?
