"Sidney died today" I open my eyes. It's funny, the things you remember when you're moments from sleep. You don't even remember them really, it's more like you're dropped back into that moment in time, reliving the same events. Your emotions and reactions are new, everything is happening for the first time. I close my eyes. "Your great grandmother has lung cancer. She is going to die, and you're never going to see her again." It seems the Dead are reaching out to me this morning. I roll over and curl up into the fetal position, trying to ignore the renegade tears. "Are you alive?" I open my eyes to see my mother standing over me. She has picked up my hand and dropped it with a thud upon my chest. I just snorted a bunch of oxy. I don't answer her, just close my eyes and slip back, unconscious; dead to the world. I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I can still feel my mother's hand on mine, I can still see her standing over me. I'm in my old bedroom, the black lights are on. It smells like pot, but I don't care. It's funny, these things I'm remembering. Memories of death and near death flooding into my brain, not letting me sleep, when it's the one thing I need to keep me alive right now. My chest hurts; it's hard to breathe. I close my eyes again, praying for sleep to come. I'm sitting in the tub. My mother comes running in, tears streaming down her face. She falls to her knees, wraps her arms around me, kisses me. I'm too young to realize what my cousin has done. I think I’m in trouble because I told on Melissa. She always said people hate a rat in the family. The death of a child….but I can shed no more tears for Her. I open my eyes and release the breath I've been holding. Then I cough for a long time, and spit out the phlegm.
