okay so ive been hubby 3 ys and for all that time he's always insisted he hates porn. Isnt into it, and never interested in it. We actually only ever talked about it right when we first met and thats what he said. Now my bill for mediacom has 3 porns on it for 5 am, even on valentines day morning one was ordered. 3 in one wk for someone who dosent like it seems a bit strange to me, yes im pissed, hurt and even more mad because he never told me i found out by going into the car to get the bill, he alsways keeps it in the car for some reason, well now i know why!! I find it hard to beleive that a 1 timer would rent 3 in one wk, seemed more reg to me, he didnt deny it, only because i had the proof. I used to be a model for christ sake,im not unattractive by any means! So why the hell does he need to get off on other women?? Im more mad becasue for 3 yrs now i guess hes been watching it, and never told me.He says he dosent watch much but 3 seems on the much side! I feel like shit now! I thought we had a great sex life and i alwasy try to please him, even if im not in the mood. What the hell do i do now?? Im trying to shake it off like hey no biggie but ive never had a man in any of my past relationships do this, and if they ever wanted to, they would have talked to me first out of respect, guess im really hurt becasue he lied about it all this time, i still wouldnt know if i hadnt found the bill, he would have never told me.... anyone been here before....i need advice im new to this and really feel like sh*t right now. Im normally really confident about myself but now im doubting my apperance. God if we have a normal sex life than why does he need more, and to get off on other girls instead of me??? any adice would be great right now... sad girl
From a male perspective, most guys totally separate porn from their relationships. What I mean is a guy will use a porno for the sole purpose of getting off. But they separate that from making love with their spouse/gf. It becomes more of a tool to help them find a release. However, I would say there might be an issue since he seems to be doing this when he could be with you instead. Perhaps he feels like he has to hide this from you? Perhaps it is easier for him to grab a porno to get himself off than it is for him to face you? I don't mean this in a mean way towards you. I just think maybe he feels he can't be honest with you about what he might enjoy sexually because he feels you won't understand or that you are against it? Not that you ARE, but that is his perception. Am I making sense? I think you two need to talk about this. Not yell at him, but tell him that it hurts you that he spends so much time on these things. I am sure that if you are open-minded, you'll be able to relax him and get him to tell you why he finds it easier to go to something he doesn't have to interact with to get off. Is it possible that he feels inadequate with you? I am just throwing out some thoughts I am having on the subject. I hope I haven't offended you or anything. Please, whatever you do, do NOT see this as a reflection of your beauty or your worth. I can almost promise you that there is no correlation whatsoever. Find out why he feels the need to hide this, and why he is afraid to be intimate with you. There's something there... Nothing an honest talk can't resolve.
Thank you for your reply, you made sense dont worry Ill have to talk to him more, its not our sex life thats just it, we do fun stuff, im very open to new ideas and never been shy at all. He said he has a high sex drive and im ot putting out as much as he wants it so he started watching porn, i new in the past he got off alone i caguth him a couple of times but never with porn. Now it has escalated to watching girl on girl flicks, thats what he rented. So wtf ? when you have a hot girl right in front of you why go elsewhere when i already do as much as i can to please him in bed. Just weird to me, 3 in one wk and i never saw the last bills, he said he dosent do it often but often to me is 1nce a wk or every 2 wks. ill have to talk to him more...he jsut said he dosent know why he just does. hes not one for telling me the truth about the way he feels...
porn and masturbation are totally normal it's the lying to you part that you should be worried about, and it's something you need to bring up with him. Don't focus on the fact that he uses porn, because the vast majority of men and a good chunk of women do. Worry about the trust issues that it represents, his inability to tell you the truth about him and porn. Having an attractive person nearby doesn't kill the desire to masturbate, nor to use porn. It's just part of normal life for most people
Yes, some people watch it more than others, and outside of the hiding it part, if he is turning you down to instead be alone with the porn, there's a problem IMO. But I agree that you should focus of the fact that he watches porn, but more on the fact that he thinks he needs to hide that from you. Think of it as a tool to help him find sexual release when you are not available. That's ok. He's not trying to have a relationship with these women in the videos. He just wants some visual stimulation to help him get off. Now, if he begins putting you off to instead be alone with the videos... then there needs to be a talk about why he wouldn't go to you about it. I personally think he might feel like you wouldn't approve so he tries to hide it to avoid a confrontation. It's ok to not like it, but you need to be open and honest with him about it and maybe you'll find that what you think he gets from this isn't actually what he watches it for. You shouldn't feel threatened at all (in most cases). Him watching it probably has nothing to do with your sexual drive or prowess. So, don't view this as insulting, but let him know how you feel and have an adult conversation about it without screaming at each other over it. The more you try to ignore it or put it off the angrier you will both get until finally you blow up and then this thing will be blown all out of proportion.
hei dudette, say him you would like to watch porn with him.. like do it together.. so in this case you will show him you respect his needs and you wanna share the feelings and say you dont mind it.. and like just go along with it.. and maby you will enjoy it too?
