I wonder, does this count as a "confession"? It is one of those things that scares the shit out of me to tell people when trying to go out and socialize. One of those things where if I were to go out and make friends, and people asked me about it, how would I respond? I feel so ashamed of it, how would people react if they knew the life situation I'm trying to get out of? It's not that I'm worried about simple rejection so much as that my very combination of situation and ideas seems ripe for making people think I'm some kind of sociopath. I've been at home essentially isolated for almost a year. I have no actual hobbies, no friends, no job, nothing. I basically spend my days just reading, contemplating, web surfing, and then going out running or cycling for exercise, and spending a lot of time in a nearby state park. Again, this has all been lasting for almost a year, and I'm serious questioning my own sanity. Seems like everywhere I go, people are superficial and cruel. I've always been a very shy and timid person, but this worsens it even more as I have become very emotionally needy, which makes me feel even more guilty since that's another layer of social unacceptability, and a lot of my opinions on thing are also "out there" so I find it difficult to relate to people when I try my hand at getting out of this, while having to hide my emotional hunger and life situation while putting on a front that I am "okay," all at the same time. And my attempts (volunteer, some jobs) have often fucked up, which drives my motivation further down the shitter. It's horrible to admit it, but I wonder if there are people who wouldn't see this as something to harshly judge, ridicule, or tell me that I'm some kind of lazy mooching antisocial wretch, or that I need to start getting "responsible"... *sigh* but hey, what's the WORST that can come of this? ' The WORST that can happen is the very condescening moral bigotry I fear... oh well.
Well what's wrong? What is stopping you from working, or going to school etc. ??????? I think you need to find out. I don't think it's bad, but you're bored, and you won't stay sane. You're losing all of your social skills. It gets harder if you drop out to get back in ...
One must work to sustain life. Life isn't just "watching" game. You must interact and work. I do feel that you or anyone can get out. It won't be forced but more rather it will happen upon you. I wish I could explore nature for my life but their things in life(work) that must can not be ignored.
Are you scared of getting involved in situations where you will have to be face to face your fears, and it keeps you more and more isolated? My advice, go see a psychologist, you could be the kind of person some call agoraphobics...If it really keeps you from having a life... My bad side would tell you , smoke some pot and see if it makes you want to go out more, or not. Some people it just opens them up...But everyday, forget it, it will just get worst.
That confession could just as easily have come from me, domesticated...and ill tell you why im doing it... Because, where i am at the moment isnt right for me. I cant stand the people here, the streets, the dangers...they have a completely different mentality, and im waiting. Im waiting until i can go out and find new lands, meet new people, see new things. Im building on my own character before going out and doing this. By sitting alone, contemplating, dreaming, reading...you are not "doing nothing"...its maybe just a period you have to go through, another stage of your development. To everyone else, it appears youre doing nothing. That you have no motivation, that youre going nowhere. But my guess is, youre like me, and you ARE going somewhere...its all there in your mind, somewhere. But youre just using the period to rest, and maybe find it. Perhaps you could just never make a life for yourself where you are at the moment. Do the local people annoy you? Do you see no opportunity?...this is what im feeling, and eventually i decided to take my dreams, thoughts, ideas...and turn them into something. A goal, a plan of action...Eventually, im guessing youll be able to do this, too. By being alone, you get the wonderful opportunity of getting to know yourself...and by getting to know yourself, you can learn what you really want, and how you can get it. Hope the replies here have been of some help to you. Xx
We all face fears, and some are more crippling than others. It is hard for anyone else to know how much your fear paralizes you. I think your first step (asking for help) is healthy. A suggestion: Pinpoint your passion, and find people who share it. With a common passion, you may find someone who shares your fears as well. When you feel comfortable with the people you interact with, you can enjoy more the person you are. It is not by chance that like minded people migrate toward each other. San Fransico has become a Meca for a lifestyle that is not as accepted in all other parts of the world. But the people who choose to live there, do so out of thier combined passions, either in tolorance of the other, or embracing it. Good luck, your search can be a fun journey. Not everyone has the option to make big life changes, it appears that you do. Go for it. James
i think you should definitely listen to the advice some others have given you, such as figuring out what your dreams and passions are. and then go out and do it man. best of luck chris
ive been through pretty much the same thing so i know how you feel. my situation is very complicated... very.... but for about a year i had stopped going to school and couldnt work and my social anxieties started kicking in more and more... ive gotten to the point where ive broken most of that cycle and i wish you the best of luck. oh and fuck what anyone thinks. anyone who would judge you or your situation without knowing you is pathetic.
