are you an age-ist?

Would you date a guy 12 yrs older? or a guy 7 yrs younger?

or if you're a guy would you date a woman 12 yrs younger or 7 yrs older?

guess i should make this into a poll.

should love transcend the boundaries of age?

discuss...


(and let's for the sake of civilized conversation assume that we're talking about consenting adults and NOT minors, okay!)?

 

hmm well heres my situation for you. im 16, and my boyfriend will be 22 next month. its hard to deal, but i do beleive that im falling in love with him. weve been together for 2 months. people seem to either think its fine, or be really against it. my mother, included. my 14 year old sister has been dating her 17 year old boyfriend for 6 months, and hes basically part of the family now. i know you didnt ask for minors, but thats my story.

i tihnk love can trenscend the boundaries of love. they are.

 

how much is "much" older or younger? I don't see myself dating someone under 18 because, well, they aren't an adult in my mind yet and it's a little creepy. Nor someone over 28 because I don't feel like we'd ahve enough in common as to where we are in life.

but that's just for me. I'd take issue with, say, 18 and 50, it would make me wonder why they're in the relatoinship together, if one or the other possibly has issues or if there's an ulterior motive at play. From either party, not necessarily just one taking advantage of the other. So yeah, i guess I am an ageist

 

Its my boyfriends 28th birthday in June. Do i qualify? Makes me smile how i do all the organising hes the youngest of us.

Xx

 

I'd say my range is 22 to ealy 30's.

 

I think over 30, maybe 35...id start questioning whether the age gap thing would really work. And id never go under 18. Sounds illogical but isnt. The vast majority of males under 18 years old would not be good for my spirit. So looks like thats my range.

Xx

 

...ehh im in an age situation right now...
24 & 15...
im not one to ususally trip on age, i think its what you feel, and what makes you happy and what you enjoy, what passion is there...
but there is an extent,
...for me... 20 would usually be tha stopping point...
but this cat that i speak of...
were kinda tryin to figure out what to do...
i dont want him to get in trouble, or even hafta deal with tha thought that he MIGHT get in trouble... so mannny things... he said hes feels like hes doign something wrong... and that he taking advantage of me...
which is NOT tha case at all... i mean, im even going slow for what id proabaly be at so far...
any suggestions? any similar situations?

 

shit...jus' read tha no minors part
so much for that
sorry =)

 

that's okay, lovedani. i figured that this convo would probably generate some debate about minors (that's why i added the disclaimer)

in relative terms a 40 yr old guy with a 45 yr old woman is going to be a lot different than an 18 yr old guy with a 23 yr old woman.

do age gaps become less important as we get older? when i was 20, the idea of hooking up with someone in their early 30's was not something that i was comfortable with at all. now as a mid-30's, the idea of dating someone a decade older is almost preferable

 

I'm 19, and am in a relationship where my partner is considerably older than myself.

IMHO, if both people are of legal age and the relationship is consentual, then age should be immaterial, full stop.

 

I would not ever date a guy younger than myself. I don't really know why, I just wouldn't. But, I generally date guys older than me. I set my age limit at 28-29, because other wise, as far as a long term relationship goes w/ the possibility of marraige... I would not want to be 70, and still alive, and doing stuff, while my boyfriend/husband.. whatever, is over 80, and either still alive, and fine... or at that age in a nursing home. I couldn't deal with being young still, and have my guy not be around.

 

My boyfriend is 2 years older than me but I can't tell! At my age, guys younger than me would annoy the hell out of me. Most older guys don't act the same as 18 - 19 year olds. However, I am sure their are some immature late twenties men and really mature 18 year olds. It depends on the case; however, I am happy with my boyfriend and don't see a need to look elsewhere. Plus, I probably need to date someone who is also bipolar b/c "normal" people would think I am crazy when I have mood swings! My boyfriend understands b/c he's having them too!

Peace & love

 

I worried about this sort of thing a lot because I could never get women my own age to date me; the only ones I could get to go out with me were always younger by 10 years or more. That's not what I shot for--THEY came on to me, not the other way around. I dunno why women in my age bracket aren't interested; I'm not very good-looking and I'm sure that factors in somehow.

And then my friend who was something like 15 years older than his wife got a divorce, and he told me that they just grew apart, which is what happens when you have a relationship with someone much younger or older than yourself. But my stepmother is only 9 years older than I am; her and my dad are still going totally strong, and doing better than he and my mom did originally. So who's to say?

I decided this: I will date who is willing to date me that I enjoy being with for whatever reasons. If we DO grow apart later, well, then at least that was X number of days or months or years that I was happy and not sitting around alone like I always seem to do anyway. *sigh* Be happy now, and take the future as it comes.

 

I am quite young by American Standards. In Australia, all your legal ages are two years prior to the American ones. I met my boyfriend when i was 15 and he was 21. Even at that age, i wouldn't have been able to date some one under 18...and certainly not now. I would nothing in common in with them. It seems farely common for younger girls to end up with older guys. I think it is the evening out of things. You know what i mean? I don't think things like this should have be constrained by legal ages and such. They happen and that's all there is to it. It's just the way nature works, wether we think it's proper or not.
I wouldn't dismiss a person because of age. In fact, i don't even consider age. It's barely a man-made number, not a true measure of anything. The only time i dismiss due to age is with the said age above...and who can blame me.

 

everybody i've ever been involved with has been older or younger. i never cared. they didn't care. *shrug* what difference does it make? if i'm lucky enough to connect with somebody i don't worry about insignificant details. all any of us has is today anyway. planning out your life is an illusion.

 

20-around 27ish I used to be a 30-40'r but you really can't have a healthy relationship with somone who is a lot older then you. A guy who's in a different place then you entirley is never going to respect where you're at. i think finding somone who's in the same place in life as I am and who I can be really good buds with too is much healthier and that usually correlates with being the same age.

 

Lynsey, I'm starting to wonder if you've got the right idea.


I have dated men my own age. The youngest was 2 years younger than me. Most have been older.

However, I got involved with a man who's A LOT older than me. I don't even want to say how much. A LOT. I was 21 when it started. Almost 12 years later (We weren't together that whole 12 years, just on and off, mostly long distance) he STILL wants to work something out. Only, way back when, he had his own things going on and I had mine and everything was alright. Now he's at a totally different place in his life than I am. Totally. He's retired. I have kids that I'm focused on. He just doesn't get it.

I don't know how much is age and how much is culture. He's very sweet sometimes, but he's very persistent. He sees no reason why we can't be together. He's pretty much done doing everything, though. And I'm not. He thinks 'no' means "keep pestering me."

So, in some ways I regret getting involved with someone way older than me.
I know for a fact that when he was my age, there is no fucking way he'd have given any thought whatsoever to dating a woman his current age. Not at all.

 

And as for dating guys much younger than me...that grosses me out. Ask me when I'm older.

 

It's so the right idea...so nice being on a level playing field with no games or crap or prior baggage. Ya gotta be in the same place to start something together ya know? or else you're not starting together you're giving up yourself for somone else...