hypothetical situation~wwyd?

so, if you were really into a guy, and he was totally into you, you matched well together, had amazing chemistry, etc. but he had absolutely no work ethic and was all about fucking the system by not participating in it at all (ie no job, no income, no ownership of property, living a nomadic life, trusting to the universe to provide etc), what would you do? would you get involved with him? or would you move along to someone who would be a more stable partner in terms of actually being able to eat and live comfortably~ie~roof over head, heat, electricity, internet, books and a place to read them (a power center) etc.

 

Definitely need some stability and a good environment if you plan to raise kids. Not that he is a bad person, but I personally couldn't live like that so we wouldn't be compatible no matter how much chemistry we had.

 

Yeah, building a relationship requires more than just love. If you don't have compatible goals and a compatible lifestyle, it's really hard to walk together and be united, even if everything else is totally perfect.

 

Building anything more than a transitory and superficial relationship, ESPECIALLY if you are going to live together or have children, requires some amount of stability and particpation with the system.

Not that the system is good. Believe me, it sucks, and I hate it as much as the next guy, but sometimes you can't avoid it.

 

*sigh* I've done this... I'm going to be vague so bear with me, if you want to ask me anything in private go ahead. I left everything, picked up with my kids and left because I loved someone and believed we could make it work. I did have fun but it was hard, not practicial or stable enough for the kids. Neither one of us had a road worthy trade and spanging is just not safe or right to do while trying to raise childern. I thought maybe we could compromise and figure out a happy medium in the end. Despite trying to press that, it did not work. Hes a great guy and I still talk to him, hes still a nomad but both of us have since moved on. I am now in a relationship with more of what I had in mind stability wise and I must admit, compatibility wise and have never been happier in my life... If you choose to do something like this make sure you don't go into it as niave as I did. Make sure you have a trade and way to do things on your own if income should become a problem or if worst case senerio comes up... your left alone, you can take care of yourself and not be stuck.

 

It's only acceptable for women to want to live off the proceeds of others.

 

this is hypothetical bc i faced this fork in the road when i was younger and chose not to take that path, instead opting for the stable road. i've always wondered if i made the right choice. i'm about to start dating again (eek!), and have found that life tends to let us repeat lessons that we didnt 'get right' the first time. still not sure about this one.

ps, irongoth, in the long run, it's not about the money. i'm fiercely independant that way, have a really strong work ethic and have worked for everything i have to the point that i would probably end up being the provider. then there would be all the weirdness that would go along with that. also, as a woman, there are times when i dont want to work and leave a baby, so yeah, i guess i feel the need to be provided for sometimes.

Earthy Mama~sounds like it was quite the adventure. probably let you grow in ways that made you stronger as a person/mother/partner. i'm happy to hear that you're in a good place now.

 

Nimh - sure. I'm just pointing out that the inverse has been what we have expected for generations.

"OK, you go out and work and when you come home you're buying us dinner."

 

Why don't you talk to him about it...

 

Will his personality and lifestyle be helpful or hurtful to your children? How will you get them vaccinated? (It won't be through his insurance.) How much do you like filling out government forms?

I would ask a lot of mean nasty questions like those before having children with him.

You are a 34 year old woman. You know the answer. Or are you waiting for us to tell you that he has an unstable lifestyle and it is unfair to force that lifestyle on your kids? Or do you think that second best is good enough for your kids?

 

this is hypothetical. just a mental exercise.

MikeE, are you having pms?

i can see a lot of reasons to opt for the nomadic lifestyle, at least part time. and it could be a wonderful experience for kids to travel to distant lands, experience other cultures, etc... it's just that so much ~freedom~ is kind of scary to me.

and ps, i'm not into vaccinating, but that's a whole other thread for another day.

 

what the heck