How important are looks to you?

We've all seen the stereo-type of the image-obsessed gay man. Do you think there's any truth to that?

I for one spend a good deal of time at the gym, always trying to improve my physique. The same goes for a lot of the gay guys I know. Are we too insecure about the way we look? And do we judge potential partners too much based on the way they look?

I'm guilty of these things. Not only that, but I seem to seek out guys who look a lot like me. I think this type of thing is typical among gays, but I could be wrong.

 

it isn't just gay guys that hit the gym to improve their physique, many straight guys do to. I think it is just a sign of the times, improve your health via exersize.

 

I don't hit the gym,but i do work out at home.I just try and keep in shape in general.I like guys that are thin-average weight.But it's more who a guy is,and what he means to me,than how ripped he is.Eye candy's cool,but substance is better.

 

I'll hit the gym once in a while to keep fit. But I'm not really worried about how I look I find that a good quality.

 

I do activites that may be classified as image obsessed, but there are many straight guys who also take part in them.

In my experience I have been drawn to attractive people, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't date someone because of the way they look.

 

His or mine?

I wouldn't say I'm a narcissist, but I do spend a lot of time on my hair, far too much really. If you'd ever seen it unstraightened you'd understand. I think it's less to do with the end result and more to do with the confidence I get from knowing I made a bit of effort to look alright before I went out. I'm not especially proud of it though.

 

Looks are very important. To most people around. Period.

Partly, this is a result of mass-indoctrination by commercially driven mass-media. The other part of seems to be deeply rooted into our hard-wiring. Guys who take care of themselves demonstrate a level of self-discipline. Furthermore, what to some may look as lack of self-confidence is often nothing else but a deep sense of self-respect. Our minds usually translate: self-discipline=geared towards success; self-respect=respect for the others (at least, there is a possibility).

Trimmed and groomed is often perceived as successful, not depressed, driven, energetic. A fun guy to be with... All clichees with plenty of truth in them.

Bottom line: Looks matter. This ain't going to change. Do all you can to look good. Always, always. Yet, do not fool yourself, looks alone and no real substance would do for one date and possibly one or two shags, if sex is any good. But that's about it.

You need great looks always, cause you want all the doors to be open for you. But walking in only to be shown out makes little sense...

KD

 

I thought it was just that time to groom = free time = no financial worries. Same reason why so many women/gay men go for guys who'll spend £50 on a tie or whatever; it suggests that if they're dumb&rich enough to do that, they're dumb&rich enough to buy them stuff as well.

 

I must admit--looks get my attention.

I worry a bit about my own looks. I strive to maintain a healthy weight, groom myself, try to dress in a flattering way, etc.

The real question is this: how much is too much?

 

I think the CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch will provide some insight. Behold:

 

lol...he looks like the type of guy who goes to a gay bar, and lies about his age...but nobody believes him

 

I only go with guy's who I think look good,but maybe Im into a different
thing all together.I like to share intimacy and sex with a guy,but I quickly get bored of muscle bound jocks even if they're gay,straight,bisexual or whatever.
I guess Im a fem guy who finds other effeminate men sexy.Guy's who
don't give a fuck about going to the gym.That's why I no longer go
to circuit parties.Boring baby!

 

When you spend longer getting ready for a club out than you do in the actual club? God knows. I don't think there's any such things as a quantifiable "too much". What is too much time for me to spend on my appearence is far too long for, say, Pete Burns.

Incidentally, that Abercrombie & Fitch guy was almost as terrifying as Abercrombie & Fitch.

 

I don't think anyone here would say they go with guys who look like a crock of shite though. It's more a question of to what extent looks are the reason you go with someone. Best way I've seen to measure it is to look at someone, and then think "How fucked in the head could this person be before they would cease to be 'doable'?"

 

I didn't mean to sound fickle,but everybody has they're own idea of what
looks good as well.

 

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Men are more sexually stimulated by visuals. This is a fact, a generalization, but fact none the less. Porn, sexy underwear, appearance. Women tend to be more mentally stimulated, or like I like to say, conceptually stimulated. Romance novels, (which, like photos, leave nothing to the imagination), roll playing & conversation.

That said, the way somebody looks is important to me. I like a pretty face, but I'm usually turned off by "magazine good looking" men. I might be looking at that tall slim dude who holds his hands in a pretty way, and I'll turn to my friends and go "He's so hot." And they're always like, "Him? what do you see in him?"

So yeah, I think it's true that there's somebody for everyone, the only problem with that is your someone might be me.

P.S. I just wanted to add, I give the award for prettiest man to: Cillian Murphy.

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There's something about the Abercrombie & Fitch guy that is downright unnerving. He seems to be working a look that just doesn't work for him. Perhaps you're spending too much time on your looks when nobody can take you seriously.

I will admit that a good-looking guy has an easier time getting my attention. My last bf was someone I met at a bar. A woman was showing me pictures from a trip, and one of them was of the guy who was about to become my bf. I mentioned that I thought he was hot. She smiled and went away, and I thought I had said something terribly wrong.

In fact, she had been talking to him just moments before, and he said that he thought I was hot. She introduced us. We talked for hours, and if he hadn't been so pleasant and easy to talk to and reasonably intelligent and we hadn't had so many of the right things in common, we wouldn't have gotten together.

 

The whole skill in fashion is to market a look that is incredibly successful on an airbrushed model who suits it perfectly to people who would look like shit in a $1000 suit. I guess it's inevitable that some people begin to believe their own bullshit. But given how plain and dull A&C clothes are it's amazing that someone can overwhelm that inherent blandness and make them actually look shitty.

Why does the American media bother to spend so much time establishing American men as the bastion of what is physically attractive, and then dress them for shit?

 

They're trying to do to men what they have done to women for years, make them feel completely insecure about their looks. (coming from someone who loves costume)

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The A&F CEO has become an icon (like anyone or anything else that gets nationwide publicity) of a Peter Pan. And Lo and Behold, more and more men around San Francisco, CA hittin' their 50s are now getting into that appauling mood.

There is nothing wrong about caring for your looks. There is everything wrong about doing it the wrong way.

KD