Question for "young" mothers

Hey, I'm new. Not sure if this post belongs here or not, so forgive me.

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that society seems to look down on women who have children before they're 30 (okay, maybe 20)? I really want to have kids soon (like before I get out of college) and everyone keeps telling me I'm nuts, and that I'll regret it, yada yada yada. I wish people would understand that it's natural for women to want children, even when they're still fairly young. (not putting down those who don't, that's fine too).

Does anyone have an opinion on this matter? I'd like to hear from some mothers who are happy they had (or are going to have) their children while they're still too young in society's eyes.

 

I had my first when I was 19 years old. And my second Before I was 22(by like 3 months lol)
Needless to say I wouldnt have changed a bloody thing! I am greatful for my family. the only thing I would suggest is making sure you have a baby with the RIGHT man and have a 2 parent family. that way baby gets ALOT of attention from both parents.(It is hard for a single parent to beable to do this no matter what....THey try and make time yes I will totally give them that but it is hard to be a full time working mom and a full time mom. )
Make sure that when you have a baby you are all prepared. know what to excpect and everything.....
Know that you will have to stop partying and all that other crap.....I dont miss it at all....its been 3 years since I have stepped food in a bar or smoked or drank or did drugs(well al ittle longer for that one but cclose enough)

Its amazing..... seriously.... I give my 100% All to them and never looked back.....

now I am married to the most wonderful man in the world with my big baby boy and his baby sister....

 

I can see your point. No offence to young mothers, I take my hat off to you, but I just couldn't do it.

Much as I love children and want a houseful I'm not in any rush to get knocked up.
My reasoning is that children take a lot (time, money etc wise) not to mention finding a father figure who won't morph into a jackass. And I know that it would be incredibly difficult to do at this stage.

There is also way too much going on in my life. I've just been accepted on the perfect uni course and that's three years long, by the end I'll have thousands in debts (damn student loans), then I'll want to rig up a career, travel around a bit.... so it all adds up. Not planning on bringing a baby into that equation. I want to have really lived before making a new life.

So no I don't have children, well not human ones anyway. And that will suit me fine for the next oooh ten years
(I'll be 28/9 by then, which is a fine baby bearing age IMO)

TTFN
Sage

 

There are positives and nagatives to any situation. I am a young mom. Once you are a mom you area mom forever no turning back. Just ask yourself if you are ready to be the foundation of another human's whole life.

 

At least wait until you're out of university. It will be extremely difficult to focus on homework when you have a screaming baby. I respect young mothers, but if you can you should wait until you graduate so that you can get a good job and provide your child with everything they need. You need to graduate uni first. Don't assume you'll meet a man who can take care of you all your life. Men come and go: babies are forever.
-Kate

 

Hey there; welcome to the forums.

Yes, i think society tends to look down on young mothers--especially those that are obviously single, or at least appear that way. As advanced as our society is, you'll still get two kinds of looks, the ones that seem to say "you poor thing" and ones that clearly state "you little slut." Everyone seems to have an opinion, verbal or not. Of course, we're from a small town, and you know how that is, haha!

We had our first child when we were barely 18, and still in high school. Like i said, we live in a small town, so everyone had an opinion about the whole thing. I hadn't realized what an exciting story it was until the guy who sat in front of me in Art History leaned back and whispered "psst...i heard a rumor about you..." i said "Oh yeah? Well, it's probably true" He looked doubtful, and said "oh, well this is a pretty big one" to which i laughed out loud and said "Yes, i am pregnant, and it's no secret!" He was relieved, haha.

I have never regretted having my children young (our daughter was born when we were 19, and married, but we heard more times than i can count, a sarcastic "don't you know what causes that?" so obviously you can never satisfy people, lol). At least i can still keep up with them!

i DO, however, regret that we weren't more financially secure first. We didn't have our own house until our daughter was almost 1.

i also regret that their daddy and i couldn't have been married first--not that i have qualms about having children out of wedlock; what i hated was the fact that the man i had loved for years, and was having a baby with, wasn't allowed to spend the night with me because that wasn't "proper" according to my parents (i'm only talking about the first pregnancy here, of course). i was very lonely and angry until our son was born (and my man was suddenly allowed in the house--how much sense does that make?). So we'll never know what it's like to *just* be married, without kids, which has worked out fine for us, but i wouldn't say it is the preferred way. It's kind of hard to go from playing the part of daughter, to mother and wife, literally overnight.

 

I've been a young mom, had my first babe just days after I turned 19 and now I'm an old mom, 53 with a 2 year old. There are positives and negatives on both sides of it. When I was a young mom I had a lot more energy than I do now. I was able to get down on the floor and wrestle with the kids. Now I think I have more wisdom. I think I take more time to figure out what's really important and what really doesn't matter. But I think a lot of young moms do this also. It just took me a while to get to that point. And a lot of old moms can still get down on the floor. I think the most important thing is to have kids when you are ready for them, not when society says you should have them. Make sure it's right for you and it will work out.

Kathi

 

Thanks bunches everyone.

 

I wasn't as young as some of the mamas here. I got pregnant after I got my first BS degree when I was 23 (I got through school fairly quickly.) My man (we got married when I was 4 months preg) had finished college and had a good job. We were lucky. I was able to finish a Masters and also get my IBCLC (lactation consulting certification, it is equivelant to an other Master's.) The first few years, with two babies by the time we were married 2 and a half years, were kinda rough. We did buy a house, like a week before I found out I was pregnant! It was a handyman's special. Thank God, Bear was young and strong! I had wanted to go to medical school, but would not have left my babies for anything!

I applaud the mamas and papas who make it through harder times than we had. Babies are really a great thing for many people. There are some WONDERFUL mamas on this forum. Age has nothing to do with how good or not so good a parent is. I see some fantastic teen and early 20something mamas and also some terrible womyn MY age who are having thier first one. And visa versa. Being a mama has to do with how much you are willing to give your babies, not how old you are.

Our society makes no sense. I was maligned when I had my first baby at 24,(mostly because I looked 16) I was maligned when I had my last one at near 40. The first one I was "too young" the last one I was "too old." Womyn can't win!!!!

I guess society wants a womyn who is 28 years old, has a perfect job, which she can leave for a "respectable amount of time", has a college degree, is, of course, married, has a husband who is perfect but of course should never be "expected" to support them, as long as she is able to work, is in perfect health, "planned" the baby, and has a private nanny to take care of the child while she makes $400,000 a year in a part time job. Anyone else will be given a hard time.

 

I was 19 when I got pregnant the first time. And 24 when I got pregnant with dd2. I am 26 now, but still look 18-20! I get the "look" too, especially when I have my 3 yr old sister with me!! I don't really care, though. There are plenty of uptight people who will have a problem with something. Like it's a burden on them! Especially since we are on food stamps now...but only until I finish college..nine months to go!!!

 

I am a stay at home mom and a young one...It's kinda annoying when I take my son out to do things people really think I am a teenager. I am 22. Poeple ask me if I am still with the daddy and things like that. As if it isn't possible to be young and have a family. But that's their problem. It's aso annoying how people treat young single moms. Looking down on them. The women who work extra hard for their children and themselves. But people will always be up in other peoples business like they know what's best for them. YOu just gotta hold your own and keep moving foreword.

 

Did you mamas get the "sneak peek at the ring finger" when you were pregnant or with your little ones? I always caught that. I also get "And who is this one's daddy?" about Sage, assuming that if you have kids a decade and a half apart, there has to be more than one daddy. Four kids, all one daddy. People are freaked that we all have the same last name. No one can beleive we got married so young and had kids so young and are still together.

 

I get the sneeek peeek at me from other guys but when they see the ring finger and the baby they run off....hehe. I am repellant

 

When my first daughter was @ 2 yrs old (long split from her father), I went up to the coffee shop where I worked with her to get lunch. This lady who was a regular customer said "Oh, I didn't know you were married!" when she saw Madeline. Not "how cute" like most people say. You should have seen her face when I said, "I'm not!"


It's funny how people don't realize that pregnant women's fingers swell up sometimes, and it is UNCOMFORTABLE to wear rings!

 

some people just dont think before they talk, a lot of people assume lilly is my moms daughter when we go out.................... or they say to my mom "you don't look old enuff to be a gramma" whis is basically them saying i am too young to be a mom...........fawkers

 

You are right, sugmag. People say stupid things to pregnant womyn. I also couldn't wear rings during pregnancy. I remember at one OB visit with my first baby being told, "You may want to take those rings off before we have to cut them off." (Meaning the ring, not my finger!) It got the rings off my finger right away. My freind's mother had to go to the ER one hot day and have her wedding ring cut off. People are SOOOOOO rude to pregnant womyn. I actually had more than one person say to me, when I was pregnant with Sage (the fourth one, and long after the others) "So is this an accident?" JEEZ!

 

I am frequently asked if the little girl with me is my granddaughter. You should see the look on their faces when I reply that he is my son.

Kathi

 

I think it is a wonderful thing that you can have your children when you are nice and young, if you are ready that is, cause you need all the energy that you can get to chase the little ones from one end of the planet to the next!!

But seriously, I would say that if you have the support you need, whether it be your partner, and/or parents or friends, it is preferable to be younger. Your body is in better shape to handle the stress of pregnancy. You will still be young when your children are ready to leave the nest, and probably be in a better position to relate to them. Please note that I don't believe that this is always the case, because I didn't find my hubby til I was 28, and I had my first of four just before my 30th birthday. My bod handled it exceptionally well, and I'm the same size I was when I started, give or take 5 pounds! I'm so grateful that I found a man that loves children so much. I would never want to be in a relationship where I was expected to be the sole nurturer, cause that causes burnout at a rapid pace.When your emotional bank account runs dry, then momma is not a happy camper.
I also highly recommend having a midwife, as they are so much more in tune with the natural rhythms of pregnancy and are a wonderful resource. I had the last two babies at home, and wish I had them all that way. But that's a whole other story..................

 

I know how all of you all feel, I'm 21, married, with a 3 month old. People always assume so many things, why can't they understand that I WANT to be married, and I don't know what I would do if my son, Danny wasn't here. So many people I know and used to work with always thought I didn't want to get pregnant or married, but I did anyway, because "someone" was "forcing" me to. (Like anyone can force me to do anything!!!) Is it hard to believe that I got married because I am in love and had a baby because I want lots of kids?