My ex, Jen, called it off almost a full year ago now. But ever since then my life has gone completely off the rails. I quit my job, I got into drugs, I'm depressed, I'm stuck in a rut. I was with her for two years and nothing seems to be able to fill the hole where our relationship once was. My whole life feels like a mess. I miss her SO much that it makes my face hurt and it aches inside of me every day. I still love her beyond words and feel that I blew it all because I didn't make enough of an effort to see her when we were still together. I guess I got complacent and you don't realise how much you cherish something (or someone) until it's gone. I often find myself just staring at photos of the two of us, remembering all the moments that we had together, thinking about being with her, or wondering whether to call her. Every little thing seems to remind me of her. I can't escape it. I am so totally and utterly hung up on this girl that I feel it is killing me, literally. Her 21st birthday is on in a couple of weeks and she's invited me. However, I know she wants to be "just friends" and to be honest I can't handle that thought at all. I keep thinking that maybe I can win her back. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so unhappy, so sad, I miss her!!! What do I do to get over her and move on with my life?
Get a hobby... I'm not trying to be rude, but it sounds like you're SOOOOO obsessed about her, you've lost who you are. Explore new venues of fun and learning. Like animals? Volunteer at an animal shelter. Like sports? Join a sports team. If you spend your time doing other things rahter than thinking about her, you'll get over her.
I second that - and frankly were it me I would politely decline the birtday invitation and just send her some non-romantic birthday wishes....
Thanks guys. (By the way I was drunk when I wrote this thread! *slaps face*) Yeah I intend to decline the invitation. I think what is making it most difficult to move on is the fact that she keeps contacting me. I've told her that I'd rather be together or never see each other. She can't handle that either and insists on contacting me so we can be friends. I reckon she's being pretty unfair. It's almost like she's contacting me to feed her ego - she knows I'm still into her.
Yeah, that is unfair. More than that, it's cruel. If you really don't want her to call and you don't care about ever being friends again, just block her number. That sends a pretty strong message.
That's pretty thoughtless of her. Just tell her, you don't want to talk to her anymore because you need to move on, and if she doesn't understand that, you can always pay me to kill her ... I promise, no mess! Only clean cuts ... :sunglasse
why have you allowed yourself to become so depndant on a single person? i think that alone tells you that this relationship was headed for disaster. you should be with people because you WANT to be, not because if you dont then youll spiral out of control. take care of yourself bud, and good luck with everything. im sorry your hurting.
That's very wise words actually. You're very right. I let things fly off the handle after breaking up with her because (excuse the cliche) she was my rock. She was always the stronger one of the two of us. I think I became dependant on her because I respected her and loved her so much.
its good that you realize that and now moving on will be that much easier! in a way though, im kind of wrong. when you love someone, your not SUPPOSED to 'control' your emotions. your not supposed to say, "wait, back off, im getting attatched." love is love and theres nothing wrong with that.
I think it has all been said here... I agree with what dietcoketree says, and ofcourse you lose control after a break up, you just couldn't find your track back. That happens to alot of people actually. But you realized it so now you can do what DancerAnnie said, or maybe get a job, a fun job, at a bar or something, where you meet lots of people, if that doesn't work, call Hikaru Zero, get her killed, and I think you and Hikaru Zero would make a erm..killer?! killing-team!
I think it has all been said here... I agree with what dietcoketree says, and ofcourse you lose control after a break up, you just couldn't find your track back. That happens to alot of people actually. But you realized it so now you can do what DancerAnnie said, or maybe get a job, a fun job, at a bar or something, where you meet lots of people, if that doesn't work, call Hikaru Zero, get her killed, and I think you and Hikaru Zero would make a erm..killer?! killing-team!
wow reading that first post you sound exactly like my ex boyfriend. i respected his wishes not to be in contact even though i did want to be friends. and eventually he contacted me on his own terms but i can tell he's still now over it... it's bad because i still care, which is why i want to contact him, just to make sure he's alright, but it probably only makes it harder for him. it could be to feed her ego like you said. make sure you still have feelings for her. when it all comes down to it, she should respect your decision and feelings in the matter.
Never invest more into a relationship then your willing to lose. Go out with some of your guy friends. Personally, I would smoke over it and then see what comes to mind. ...but nothing is really an answer. There is nothing you can do to make the pain go away besides patience. Stop going to places where you went with here. I feel your pain. It sucks.
For what it is worth, my first wife hurt me in the same way. She was unhappy and left. We did not have any of the normal problems, no cheating on either side (this was long before I choose being so open minded about sex). I waited 5 years before I started dating (yes, NO SEX for five years, reference above "open minded" statement), and 8 years before I remarried. I would have cancelled the wedding if I had gotten a call from her the night before. That call came 18 years after she left. She had been through four other husbands and realized I had been "the one". I would not leave my wonderful wife of 3 years(who is much more loving and open minded) for my "true love" but it was hard to say no, even after 18 years. I don't know if me sharing this says to WAIT or NOT. I sometimes wonder if I should have waited. Ironic side note: First wife's dad waited 20 years for her mom to come back, he died, single and alone. James
I've been doing that on and off for 12 months. Believe me it makes it a whole lot worse. I got really depressed at times. That's very sad and kinda tragic. But that is also life and there are positives to draw from what you said. Thanks for your input.
