Well,I got a call today from my ex.He said he was just calling to say hi,but i think not!We haven't spoken in a few months,and i haven't seen him in a year.He moved to Vegas right after we broke up.He mentioned how he's been out of work,and that he misses me.He was pretty much the alcoholic,and I'm sure he lost his job cause of it,and his roomie wants him out. He didn't come right out and say it,but the way he was talking ,i can almost put money on it.Well,I'm not going there again! This got me to thinking about the bad luck I've had with the past few guys I've dated.I am soooo sick of alcoholics,guys with drug problems(don't get me wrong,I like to party on occasion;a few drinks,puff a bit,etc.)jobless guys,or guys that work way too much that they don't have much free time.I'm sick of the drama and bullshit as well. None of these guys shared any of my interests.I couldn't get them to go camping for a weekend,get into any of my music,go see a show or two,none of the things I really enjoy.They seemed interested in the beginning,but it never happened. Am I in a slump,a run of bad luck?I hope.I don't think it's me.I mean,is it too much to ask for a boyfriend that works,likes to party a bit,have fun,and shares some of my interests?I don't think that's too much to ask. I just got pretty bummed out today,cause talking to him brought back alot of negative stuff from the past.Sorry,I needed to vent,and this seems like the best place right now.
aww i'm sorry to hear that. and it'll be okay, i'm sure you'll find someone who likes those same things as you. i've got that bad luck thing going on too though. but i believe its just that and that i'll find someone who i can share some interests with. but oh man that negative energy, i know what you mean, i had that same thing a few days back. it'll go away again soon, its not you who put yourself in this its talking to your ex that triggered it, so i'm sure you'll feel alot better soon
Its not you just have to stay away from people like that or get them away from there addiction. I have had to do that to a couple friends.
hey Treyola, no it isn't you, nor just you. You're probably a super nice guy and there are some that know that and will take advantage of you and your friendship. I know this is patheticly lame but the right guy will come along, just hang in there.
Peaks, troughs, yadda yadda yadda. It's possible to work yourself into a rut if you date someone who hurts you, and then you date someone else who you probably wouldn't have normally because your confidence is down... and so on. As for meeting guys with your own interests, I know how you feel, and it's a bit shit and there's not much you can do about it. [insert usual spiel about not looking, waiting for love to find you, etc.] For some reason, most of the guys I attract are professional carers of various kinds. I guess they see me as someone to mother. I don't meet guys who like my kind of music, respect my emotional privacy, that kind of thing. I think it's just that people like me don't want to date people like me. But beyond that, it's frustrating that people who don't share your interests very often won't even try and get involved. I've never understood that and probably never will. Um... can't really offer advice really. Saying this kind of thing is normal is pretty pointless, because I'm guessing that's what you're dreading. I guess your best bet is to do the stuff you're into anyway, and hope you meet someone in the process. It's not foolproof, but it's probably more likely to work than anything else.
Thanx guys for the kind words.It totally helps right now!I guess I kinda blocked alot of stuff out for awhile,and today BANG,it's back.I know I'll find the right guy someday,just wish I didn't have to sift through so many wrong ones to get there.
OK. Many of us have been there. Sometimes, it was just that drinking problem. Sometimes other compulsive behaviour was involved. And though, I am free to speculate that most guys here 'love to party', we also draw lines somewhere and never cross them. We all know, the consequences can be simply too dreary even to speculate... This is what helped me: 1/ I learned to 'let go'. I bonded with someone, cause I liked him and I trusted him and yeah, I was hopeful that we could have a future together. Things did not pan out that way. I did not stop loving. I learned that I had to let go, close that chapter, sublimate my love to rest in my thoughts and move on from there. In the beginning, I used to be sick for weeks. Then, I decided, I was allowed to grieve for a week only. These days, I wake up in the morning, and yet it is another day and the trauma is over. No bad feelings. No negative energy. We parted. Period. 2/ Love happens. There is little you can do about it. But you can be ready. So, I have a great, wonderful friend with whom I travel. I have friends who I hit the movies with and some other guys, I generally hit the gym with. So, if my future BF does not like any of those things, cool. He has got to come up with some of his stuff and we'll see where this takes us. I would like to fall in love and I am hopeful that we may achieve minimum compatibility. I have learned to demand little and respect other people's choices and preferences, so that mine can be respected, too. 3/ I have learned to be a happy single guy. I have been around for a while. I have had few steady BFs over the time and yes, I spent some time being on my own. I even used to believe that all the 'lucky' and 'deserving' guys have got BFs and that all of us 'loosers' always go back to an empty home. Little did I know... . That you can have a BF and be terribly lonely. That some guys really do not know and do not care. That loving someone certainly does not mean that he will love you back. And the list rolls on and on. So, being single and feeling reasonably good about it is in no sense inferior to being in a relationship of any kind. It is just a different form of happiness. 4/ So, where do I go from here? All my options are open. I am meeting up with guys whom I deem interesting. I have a complex professional situation and work and travel a lot. (Sure, that cloud too, has a silver lining...). I am hopeful but I am not pushing for anything. I have learned that I should also pray that some of my prayers remain unanswered, as the saying goes. I am truthful and I only have hopes and no expectations. Hope this helps you a bit, too. KD
Great advice KewlDewd, I might add that if the guy likes you he will do things with you just because he likes to see you happy. (even if he hates phish) But I have to admit I didn't get past the second date with the perfect guy when I found out he lisened to Country. What keeps folks together and makes a relationship tight isn't shared interests, If that were true heterosexuals would never last together. What makes a for a good relationship is shared values, what ever they are. I like to ask a guy about his values before I get too involved.
whats wrong with country ? haven't you ever heard "ride'em cowboy ?" hehehe it an old one, what you get when you play country music backwards ? he gets a better job, he wife returns and is sorry for leaving and the dog lives.
Treyola, you need to get out and meet new people. I've also been with guys who didn't share my interests, and I know very well what it's like to be with an alcoholic. Right now it's very tough for me to meet new people. However, we have to keep our heads up and keep on keeping on.
Hey antigay, Woman can leave a guy too you know I think you're not anti-gay, I think you just might be anti-human Maybe you should get one of those inflatabe sheeps no real sheep please cuz: 1. poor sheep 2. the sheep might leave you 3. it might tell other sheeps you're his/her's first time
Yeah, I was with a (budding) alcoholic too... The relationship seemed perfect, until it was over To this day, I cannot stand to be around people who are drunk. On a positive note, I have found someone mentally stable, that loves me and that I love, and we are very happy... So yes, it CAN happen I think the people before me have given good advice. Except antigay of course, but no one in their right minds would take him seriously.
. bearfoot, You know what else sounds like country played backward? Punk. Old-school, three cord, loud and larynx-straining, angry punk, like The Adverts or The Germs. I like to listen to it -it helps me relax. Next, I might spin some Storm And Stress. The combination would surely drive any Country fan up the wall. I don't play Devendra till much later in the evening. By not dating him, I'm really doing the country fan two favors: I'm not subjecting him to my madness in the form of music, and I'm not ripping his head off for subjecting me to his. :X .
^^ another scintillating comment from the TRUE closet dwellers.... I don't understand. Please explain, drumminmama. .
