Hi Autumn What a wonderful opportunity to face the place within you that asked for healing, and growth. The way we look at things will make a difference as to how we see ourselves, and fear what we fall short of. Often when we have said I will Not, Or I would never.... we find we end up doing that very thing. I think maybe just too keep us humble. For example. I remember when growing up, hearing someone repeatedly saying that if they were asked to choose they would not choose the one making the demand. Yet over time when the theroy turned reality, and for many reason outside, and in, they choose the one demanding. We each face the bottom line. CHOICE. Sometimes its just the fear of loosing what you had no power to hold on too. We make a million choices changing our lives again, and again. When we are so emotionally attached we can not see beyond the reaction, we often miss the greatest opportunity of growth within us all. That place of trust that say's we are more for the experience, and lesson. Also there is a glitch in our hearing what we want, and not always what is said. Giving room for the changes all will make, when they have to eat, or live by their own words, gives room for each to see their true self. Love does not make demands. Love is not selfish. Love embraces the connection, not the the relationship that binds one to another. We will not always be the same. We will all change. And what seems as one loosing, or being left behind is nothing more than living by the choices we make, and the ramifications of those choices. A friendship, and or relationship is not about what they do for you, or help you become in the process, but about what you bring to the relationship, and or connection. If the ground is shallow and or filled with needy places within us, we often find time, and expectations will help us wallow in depression, and self pity. We react instead of act. What if we became that which we wanted. Would we not then have that which we so desired. To be a friend opens you not only to your own inner places, but to the open embrace of letting go when asked to. The more we struggle to hold on, the more we will loose along the way. So let go of the emotional attachment, and walk in a peace of knowing what ever is best for each individual, is what they need to grow. Rejoyce in these changes, and bless the opportunity to know you will always be a part of the greater whole. How you choose to be, in that part, is up to you. Depression can become an addiction, or place for us to bind us to our own excuses, and demands within us, that we do not always understand, will set us up for what we most need to face within this part of our path. Do not get attached to the feelings. For like a spoiled child having a temper tantrum they will seek to control us. set a priority list, and move beyond the desire to hide away. Make each choice be one you want to live with. Let go of what if, should be's, regrets, guilt, sorrows, and live with what is in this moment. The moment will change with time, and how you see will change the way you hear. Life then becomes an opportunity, and what you make of it is yours to do. This is where you discover what being true to you, and your purpose, and reason for being really means. This is where you learn to fly with your own wings, and not those you have held on too. Bless those coming, and going, and by example become that which you want and desire to be. In the end this is what will matter the most, and show you what you are really made of. In the places we are most vulnerable we often find our greatest strength is trying to show us we are more for all those we loved, and trusted to fly on their own, as we let go so we may cheer them on. This is what love is. Wishing you well in your nursing. Healing is many things.
AutumnLove, My apologies for posting – I see this post is for old crone, but I thought I could add my opinion. I’m no physic, but I do have a knack for seeing one’s thoughts through their words, and sometimes, they can be more telling that one would think. We all deal with depression every now and then, it’s a part of life, some of us snap out of it, some of us refuse to come to terms with ourselves, and let it grow, until it affects every facet of our lives. Losing a loved one or friend can be tough, whatever the circumstances. You are a strong women to deal with going to school and taking care of two children – believe me, its a tough task (I have 3 of my own, although they’re older now). As for your friend, I’m a little puzzled why such a comment would spark such hatred, but then again, I do not know the situation, only what you have written. What I can say, from reading your words, I assume that his boyfriend has an issue with the two of you being friends, thus the comment you made about him trying to get his boyfriend away from you. Also, I suspect that he thought this would be an easier way to cut things off, to appease his boyfriend, rather than admit to the real motive/issue in his own relationship. I also question the feelings of your husband, as to why he gave you an ultimatum about the friendship. He too, it seems, shares the same views as his boyfriend, whether or not their feelings are real or imagined. Perhaps this friendship is causing alot of tension from both sides; and since you cannot blame your husband for feeling this way, it kinda points to perhaps a deeper connection with this friend, beyond a friendship level, that others may see in a way that you might not. Sometimes, through all this stress and confusion, we tend to lose focus of what is important – family, then career, then friends. Try to focus on your school and forget the bad things that life will always throw your way, and try to repair any damage this has caused with your husband – in the end you’ll be happy. I have had many friends come and go, but when you lose a part of your family, theres no greater loss (I speak from experience). Spiritrunner
AutumnLove, Glad to try to help sort your feelings out. Sometimes its refreshing to hear an outsider’s point of view. In my experience, when you look to ‘choose’ a good friend, 9 out of 10 times that friend wasn’t the right choice. Friendships will develop all on their own and shouldn’t be forced – don’t think anything of it, you seem to have a good heart – good friends will find you. With friends, sometimes you just never know who true friends are until they’re faced with some sort of adversity or friction towards you, and then certain things come out that you’d never expect – people are people; I always say, don’t hold your breath trying to figure out other people’s motives – it’ll drive you crazy. I hope you do manage to overcome any complications in your life to focus on school – nursing is a great career. Good luck to you. I’m new to this forum and this is a great place – I’ll be back often. Spiritrunner
Hi, Welcome to the forum! Now that you said that, it makes alot of sense. The friends in my life who are good friends (unfortunely they now live in other states) I wasnt choosing it, it just happened without any thought and no drama. And Ive known them for years (25 or less years) It's hard to find that as Im getting older. Im going to just live and try not to get caught up in things anymore. Thanks again, Autumn
