This came up in a heated conversation between me and some friends with kids (they think they know SO much more about these things, because they've personally been there... ) I claimed that in most situations, it is better for everyone involved if baby breastfeeds, bottle-feeds on pumped milk when neccessary, and formula feeds only in dire emergency. No argument there. Where we disagreed was in duration. I think that the child should be the leader in the weaning process, mostly because that's the kind of environment I grew up in, and I think I'm better for it. My friends claimed that a kid should no longer nurse once they're old enough/smart enough to throw an "embarrassing" fit in public, screaming something to the effect of "Mommy, I want booby!" All I could say about this is, I've known lots of 4-y-o kids who still nursed and didn't do anything of the sort. ...but then I got to thinking, how did their parents stop it? Seriously, how do you teach a young child that such a tantrum in a big public space is inappropriate? (I know, not everyone considers it inappropriate, and even the best-behaved must have their slip-ups, but I'm curious...) I know breastfeeding is a very popular topic up here, so I apologize if this subject has already been covered a hundred times. I didn't see any old posts about this, and my curiosity got me!
I would think you would teach the child that any tantrum in public is inappropriate. Or when in public and the child wants to throw a tantrum in public take the child to the car and let her throw the tantrum there.
Exactly It's just general teaching of decorum about anything, with the same ways to deal with it. To a degree the child will learn themselves through socialisation, seeing how others handle it and mimicing. Also in growing up they learn other ways to express their emotions. Don't see why it'd be embarassing for them to have a tantrum over wanting to BF; to a child it just means 'I'm thirsty' or 'I need comforting'. If they're that old you can reason with them to a certain degree. So it can explained that BF is just for in private (if you so wish). Then work through other ways to meet their needs during other situations.
Agreed completely. As for the "I want booby.' in public, after about 2 and a half or so, we kind of slacked off on the nursing in public, only because by about that age, the kids could wait until we got home, and a sip cup of water or even juice was fine. I was NEVER embarassed about nursing in public, just reducing nursing is gradually part of the weaning process, even if that takes years. I NEVER had any of my kids have a tantrum about "booby" in public. Ever. If I said, "Can you wait until we get home? I have some graham crackers and juice for you until then?" They almost alway said, "Ok." If they still asked, it was almost always because they were either coming down with being sick or scared. So, I nursed them. No big deal. I never had to deal with an "I want bobby" tantrum. But, even if I had, I can't see why it would be any more embarrassing than a "I want candy" tantrum. Only people who are really uncomfortable with breastfeeding THINK that a child asking for the breast "in public" is in any way embarressing. Once, when my nephew was about two, my sister and I were in a resturant and we were talkng and the child asked to nurse, and she didn''t hear him (we were having a hen party, I guess) and he asked again, and she kinda did a "wait a minute, sweetie" and he stands up in the high chair and yells, "I WANT NUMMIE AND I WANT NUMMIE NOW!!!!" We laughed so hard, we almost fell off our chairs. The old couple next to us offered him some of thier French Fries, (our food hadn't arrived yet) but my sister said, "Thank you, but that isn't what he wants. Thanks anyway." And she "whipped it out" and gave him what he needed. It was funny, not embarrassing. Even the old couple thought it was funny, once they realized what he was yelling about.
If your child needs to nurse so badly, and you have put it off so long that the child throws a tantrum, you are being a neglectful parent. There are lots of signs that a child of any age needs to nurse (and yes, it is a very real need, even for an older child). Most mamas who nurse beyond the first few years of life are very tuned in to their children's needs, and would nurse the child before it gets to the point where the kid has to throw a fit. as far as why nurse beyond the first year or two? Because breastmilk and nursing never loses benefits just because child reaches a certain age. because children's immune systems are not fully mature until they start losing their baby teeth. because children have a very real need to nurse, and attached parents choose to meet their children's needs rather than force them to comply with arbitrary rules and unfounded wishes or societal norms. because they wouldn't still be asking to nurse if they didn't need it. here's some really good information http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
You are right. My sister was not neglectful, she just misread his ergency at the moment. Even in a two year old, you can almost always read when they need it.
we must have cross-posted! I didn't read your reply up there before mine... Neglect was too strong a word, definitely, especially in a case like that. There have been times I have not been aware of my child's need to nurse, and she did indeed throw a fit because of it, but it wasn't for lack of signs that she was ready to nurse, but lack of my awareness of it.
No problem. I actually went back and edited the post, because I remembered the story about my nephew and it was so funny. Don't worry about it. boogie, how old is your little girl? The one with the dreads, she is sooooo cute, and looks about my youngest dd's age. Sage is six. She looks about 5 or 6, your little darlin'. You boy is about 3?
Thank you for all your stories and words! I knew I felt right in this argument, but being childless I was out of my element and my friends could easily pull that "oh, you just haven't been there" crap. So I figured I should ask all the wonderful mommies up here to back me up. You made great points, and I'll be sure to bring them up next time the conversation (inevitably, knowing how my friends breed) turns that way. ...and I'd also like to second Maggie's opinion that mammaboogie's babes are gorgeous. You know, my bf finds it extremely amusing, how much time I spend up here these days, but I love the people here so much! It makes a shut-in like me feel like I have some actual friends!
My son was never breastfed as far as I know. He went into foster care the day after he was born and then to us at 5 months. We bottle fed him. It is possible that his foster mother breastfed him for the time she had him. I don't know. But he has a serious boobie attachment. If he is tired or not feeling well his hands go down my shirt. He will rub my breast with one hand and suck his thumb on the other hand. If he is feeling happy and wants to play he will often run up to me and knead my breasts yelling, "Boobie, boobie, boobie." He alternates hands much like a cat kneading something. When he does this in public I just take his hands and tell him to do that in private. I don't want someone thinking anything out of the way about what he is doing. He will stop when I tell him that it is private. Kathi
they are both girls, DD1 will be five in April (the one with dreads) and DD2 just turned 2 in November. They both still nurse! DD1 only once every week or two. DD2 at least 4-6 times a day.
Extended breastfeeding just seems practical to me. That's what they do in most of the world, anyway. Free food made right in your body- free food that is specifically made for the child. Besides, all tantrums in public are embarassing. Why would anyone think that this be any more embarassing then any other?
