Am I just looking for a Father Figure?

My father was never around, he was in the navy so he was always on deployment for 6 months to 1 year at a time. Then my mom divorced him when I was 12, and I saw him only two times a month when he was in the US. I think a part of that expereince is why I'm gay now. I think it's why I long for a male partner. I think I'm just longing for a father figure, as George Michael puts it since I never had one in my life. That doesn't mean I'm looking for a old man. Just someone to learn and exchange my male energy with.

I don't believe I was born gay. I believe my expereinces with not having a father figure around has led me to be gay more then anything. Anybody else feel the same way?

 

It's doubtful, because 90% of people in the same situation as you have turned out to be straight.

 

I had that same "feeling" for a while but I don't feel that way anymore because I've come to terms with that issue psychologically and still have homosexual feelings.

Like henry101 said, most people in the same situation turn out straight. Plus, it's a little too Freudian for my taste to think that wanting a father figure could cause you to have a sexual attraction to other males. You may have an emotional attraction, but I don't think necessarily physical.

 

You know that old old song?
"I wanta girl just like the Girl that married dear old dad?"

The queer version goes something like this:
"I wanta a boy just like the boy that married dear old mum."

or something like that.

 

well it's not like I'm looking for a daddy. I long for male companionship. I desire traits of an "ideal" father would have. I've longed for that since I was young with my father not being around. For some reason I just believe the absense of having no male energy around in my childhood has affected and influenced me being gay, as well as not getting along with most guys, gay or straight. I never have had any good male friends. Maybe cause the only way I know how to interact is in a feminine way, thanks to being raised by mostly my 2 sisters and a mom.

 

Maybe I just really desire to be spanked and disciplined. lol

 

magic, I wouldn't fret too much over it. A few of my friends grew up with single moms, and none of them are gay or fem or anything like that. I think you are basically just a sensitive guy, who misses having his dad around, and who happens to be gay. No harm in that.

 

I agree with henry, in a situation like that it seems like your homosexual inclinations could have to do with a missing father figure, but I don't really think that is the reason behind them. It's just the way you are...

 

Hm, well, I can relate to you on this subject.

My father has always been an asshole to me, so naturally I lacked a father figure, too. Four years ago my parents finally separated, so since then I've been completely distant from him.

Being a gay guy who is a self-claimed "mama's boy," I often wondered if my father's role influenced my sexuality. After all, those psychological claims can be quite convincing and even reasonable. But, there were other reason to consider.

For example, like you, I was never really friends with guys and hung out with girls since I was in school. I usually stayed away from doing typical guy stuff like playing sports or being really really "boyish." So yeah, I lacked male energy.

When I look at it that way, I was always like that. I feel like part of the reason why my dad was such an asshole to me in the first place was because he knew I was feminine. My mother even mentioned that to me here and there in the past few years how he was always concerned about my femininity because I was possibly going to be gay.
Now, don't get me wrong, he was an asshole to everyone, but, he was always more harsh with me and it seemed like there was this "rejection attitude" he always had with me because he disliked my sensitive, feminine side.

And naturally, he had a better bond with my younger brother because he was a "real" boy and he did guy stuff so, they often did that kind of stuff more. I mean, it wasn't like I was really interested in the first place, but, it would've been nice to at least know how to throw a football right or swing at a baseball, you know?

Anyway, don't always regard your sexuality as a psychological issue...Consider who you were even before anyone ever inflicted any influence toward you...

 

Your father not being there has nothing to do with it. That is just some BS that some Christian fundies made up.

 

If not having a father around made you gay, most boys in this country would be gay.

 

Perhaps it was more about his response to not having a father around. I have no idea.

I think about how my mom seems to have very negative and critical/degrading outlook on men that she speaks of veeery rarely, but I'm good at picking up things like that without people having to say them. I certainly don't know, but that could have something to do with me being not-straight.

 

There is little chance that the world would agree as to why are gay guys gay, in our lifetimes. A recent article on the subject says that being gay makes sense even in the terms of evolution, as the gay guys were 'meant' to help support other numerous siblings. Whatever. It really does not matter: born or acquired, you are gay and hopefully comfortable and happy about it. (I sure, am.)

You are in charge of your life. If you feel a genuine need for a father figure, use lots of common sense and good judgment and get yourself one. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your desire to do what you feel is right for you, without hurting anyone else.

Some environments are more tollerant vs. intergenerational gay dating than the others. Admittedly, media, even gay media tend to vilify such relationships and most young guys feel that they may appear to be some sort of 'freaks' before their peers, if they date a slightly older partner than themselves.

There is little need to heed their views here. In fact, most people have adopted the views suggested by the media and are spreading them and selling them around as their own deep convictions without ever having given them even the slightest thought.

The truth is that having a proper father figure you need, might be one of the most wonderful and enriching experiences in your life.

KD

 

Nicely said, kDewd

 

KewlDewd, you are spot on. I don't believe that we would see a consensus even after all the scientific facts are found. I mean, there are still folks who believe in creation over evolution, how dumb is that?

I just wanted to add, that you said slightly older and I beg to differ. While I'm unsure exactly how the media or gay peers perceive intergenerational relationships between gay men, but I think what your talking about is pederasty and that is illegal. It's illegal for straights too.

But some of the most successful gay relationships I have known have had about a 9 year difference between the partners ages. I'm talking legal adults. This happens so much that I am not the first person to comment on it. People have written about this. One of the reasons may be that men are very competitive. Even gay men. As we cycle through life, our goals change. So that a 28 year old man may wish to accomplish something different than a 37 year old. Having separate drives and desires seems to keep the competition for achievement at a minimum and allows both partners to bring different things to the table.

 

Thanks for the kudos guys.

I was talking legal adults.

KD

 

lot's of good advice in this forum.