This is for my Creative Writing class, I just handed out last night. We will be critiquing it next Tuesday. Just wanted to know what you all think about it? It is long. Sunday The cold, crisp breeze of an early winter’s morning greets me as I stepped out of his house. He kisses me, his lips cold and distant, then whispers to me, “I love you”. Before I could reply back, he shuts the door, leaving me alone while the rest of the world remains sleeping. At that moment I felt still, with no cars flying by or dogs barking, the world was at a perfect peace. I walk to my car, waking myself up for a long drive home. I wanted to cry right there, but I knew this situation as gone beyond a crying stage. I did not know what to do, so instead I just turned on my car and allow myself to become warm and numb from all the emotions I was feeling. What just happen? “Is everything ever going to get better”, I asked myself out loud. “Or will I always be in this state of hopefulness forever?” I put my car into drive and ease my foot onto the gas pedal gently. In the rear mirror, his house, the house that was filled with tension was growing smaller and smaller as I drove away. Is that how our relationship has become? Slowly fading away and becoming nothing more than being distant and gone? What happen in the last twenty-four hours that allow this relationship to become incomplete and dead? Friday Today was our 15th month anniversary. We don’t necessary believe in celebrating every month together. But seeing in my planner that it has indeed been 15 months is a crazy thing. It just seems so long ago when we first met. Now it seems like a dream. I was sitting in work hoping that four o’clock would soon arrive. It was dead all day but what I really was waiting for, seeing Lucas after work. Since we both have school and work, our schedules haven’t exactly helped our relationship. So any chance we get, we see each other. But tonight was something else. We were finally able to go out, like a date, to eat. Lucas suggested it since he had this gift card to Outback Steakhouse since Christmas. I didn’t care what we did; I just wanted to see him. So there I was daydreaming about tonight and just being with him. “Jenna?” I looked up surprised that I didn’t hear Maggie come through the door. Maggie was an employee, just sixteen. She normally came in Fridays at 3:30, so I knew my time here was almost up. With the music going on in the background and my daydreaming, I bet almost anybody could have come in here without me knowing. “Hey Maggie, what’s happening?” I get out of my chair, the only chair in the small cramped store that is the Vinyl Shop, for Maggie to sit down in. “Eh, nothing much. Tons of homework I got to get done. Has it been busy?” “It has been real dead today. Surprising for a Friday afternoon.” “There must be some sale down at the Best Buy. Heh, at least I can get some homework done.” Maggie got out of her books, ready to settle down for a long night of homework. I, on the other hand, was waiting for Eric to get in here at 4. Since it was so dead, I figure I would call Lucas up real quick to figure everything out for tonight. I just was excited that I can finally see him. I had to go outside because I had better receptor with my cell phone. It rang for three times before someone picked up. Even before I could say hello, a voice yelled at the phone, “Hold on!” It has to be his little cousin, as I hear feet scurrying down the basement steps. Lucas was living with his cousins. Ever since his mom died in the summer, he had to relocate somewhere close to school. “Hello?” His voice sounded sleepy, waking up from a nap, I bet. This was probably likely, since all he does anymore is sleep, besides school and work. “Hey, it’s me.” “Oh hey, what’s up? I just woke up.” “Surprise, surprise. So what is the plan for tonight?” There was a quick quietness that leads me to believe that tonight would not be what I thought it would be. “Oh tonight. I can’t. I got hockey tickets from a guy from work. I promised my brother the next time I can get tickets I would take him.” My facial __expression went from super excited to a complete disappointment. “Oh.” I just wanted to freak out because how long we have been planning this and yet does not call to tell me these change of plans? I just wanted to kill him right there. Why does he constantly do this to me? Always canceling plans and everything, I hate this. I hate him. “I hope you are not upset, maybe I can see you tomorrow or something.” I did not feel like arguing wit him. It would only lead of a day not talking or seeing him. I did not want to ruin that chance. “No, I’m fine, really. I’ll just get some homework done or something.” I mumbled as I kick the rocks in the parking lot. “Have fun tonight, alright. I will talk to you tomorrow.” “I love you.” I muttered those three words back and closed my phone. What am I going to do now? As I walked back into the store, Maggie looked up to see how sad I looked. “Jenna, what happen? Is everything alright?” I knew she meant well, but I know that if I started talking about it, I just would want to cry. “Nothing, everything is fine. Really I am.” She didn’t believe me, but instead of furthering asking anymore questions, she went back to her work. Just then, Eric came in. Relieved at the perfect moment, I gathered my things and was out the door before Eric could say anything. All I know was that I had to head home. I couldn’t be around anybody tonight. I just wanted to be holed up in my room for the rest of the night. Saturday Sleeping past nine for me seems to be a rare occasion. Any chance that I don’t have either school or work; I savored every moment in my bed. So I felt good when I woke up seeing that it was already 10:30. The sun was shining directly through my windows onto my bed; it put a smile on my face knowing I was going to see him today. Although I was quite angry with him last night, I didn’t let that be hung over for today. I just wanted to be in his arms more than anything. Plus, it was an understandable situation and I would be a horrible girlfriend if I was angry about something like that. I knew that he was a late sleeper, so I decided to watch some mindless television while I awaited his phone call. A little after one, my phone rang. I jumped so high when I heard it. I guess I wasn’t expected to hear from him until two or three, tops. “Hello?” “Jenna, hey.” “What’s up?” “Just waking up. Didn’t get home until after one. It was such an awesome game though.” “Well I’m glad you enjoyed it.” “So what are you up to today?” I wanted to act calm and collected. Yet who I was fooling, I wasn’t going to lie. “Hoping to see you?” “Okay, that sounds cool. I just have to run a few errands today. I want to play a quick game of poker tonight too. But other than that, I’m yours.” “How about I come down there and run errands with you.” “Awesome. I would love that.” Hearing the happiness in his voice, I felt butterflies. Anytime he would directly or indirectly compliment me or say anything remotely sweet, I grin from ear to ear. “Okay, I’ll be down in an hour.” “Cool, see-ya.” “Bye.” I just wanted to jump up and down like a person who won the lottery. This was one of the few times where after talking on the phone with him, I didn’t feel upset or sad. Today was going to be a good day, I just knew it. Sunday Being on the road so early in the morning almost feels like a dream. No cars riding your car, all lights becoming green as you glide on by. Although it sounds like an amazing experience to not have to deal with people, my mind was already occupied. Right now, I don’t even know if I’m in a relationship or not. I was scared that I may lose him. I couldn’t get my mind off of last night and what had happen. Did I do something completely terrible? Just never seems enough for him, to make him happy. Yet how much more can I really take of this? All I kept thinking was why I even went over there in the first place? Saturday Night After coming back from going to stores with Lucas, we found ourselves surrounded by his little cousins. We thought we could get some privacy, but seem impossible that time. There were people all over the place. So there we were cuddling, while we watched his little cousin play video games. Eight rolled around quickly. Imagine that. I felt that I was only there to run his errands. Disappointed with how the day went I figure I mind as well go home. So I start to get up and leave. “Where are you going?” “I figure I would go home. You are playing poker anyways.” My voice filled with disappointment. “You don’t have to. I’m only playing one round.” He held onto me closer, I couldn’t let this go. I mean one round is what, an hour. Plus maybe I could convince him to crash over my place. I didn’t mind anyways. What would I be doing anyways? “Okay. Sure. I’ll stay.” He hugged me tighter. It felt incredible. I went upstairs with the kids while the adults played poker. I ended up just watching Disney shows all night. But when the hour passed, I figure he must be winning, so I didn’t bother going down. I got comfortable, just lying on the couch that felt to be almost velvet. Pretty soon, I was getting more and more tired. Before I knew it, I saw ten o’clock and then I was out. I woke up to the sounds of their friends leaving and them closing the house for the night. I just wanted to stay there, pretending to be sleeping until Lucas came to wake me. Yet that never happen. I grew completely in a daze of being upset and very tired. I don’t think my brain was even awake. I walked down the stairs, figuring he was cleaning up or doing something. Yet there he was all in his glory, well not really. He was just lounging on the couch watching television, without a care in the world. I just didn’t know what to do but got completely upset. I think the not being completely awake added to the situation. “Uh, why didn’t you wake me up?” “You were sleeping.” His eyes clued to the television. He couldn’t see my anger, my tears. “Well, yes. But how come you didn’t wake me up? You know I hate driving at night, especially now that it is almost one.” “I’m sorry. Didn’t want to wake you.” My tears started to stream down my face, I couldn’t control it anymore. I couldn’t stand this anymore. “I waited for you. You never came up.” “Yes I did. You were sleeping.” Anger filled with rage went all over my body. Why was he doing this, I thought. I felt my face heat up. “You should have told me to go home, hell I should have gone home when I was tired. But no, I waited. For you.” He just rolled his eyes at me. That put me through the roof. I didn’t want to deal with this. Just then, he got up and went to the other side of the basement. By this time I was fully down in the basement, trying to wake up and make sense of it all. When I went over to him, he had his hands on his face. I could tell he was angry with everything as well. “Lucas. Come on.” “This is always so freaking stressful. I hate this.” “It’s not that bad, really. You know whatever.” “No, everything in my life is so freaking stressful. I hate myself. I ruin everything.” Whenever anybody says that, sometimes you feel there are no words. I remained quiet. “I wish I had a gun. Shoot myself right now. I hate everything.” That is where I started to lose it. I couldn’t stand hearing that. I know this was more than about us now. I know this was referring back to his mother’s death. How since then him and his brother are separated in different homes, his family life completely destroyed. What can do after that? I try to give him a hug, to comfort him. He didn’t want any of that. “Lucas, don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.” “I just hate this shit. All the time.” “Can I have a hug?” Then he got all frazzled again. You would have thought I was asking the most personal or wrong question in the world. I just wanted a hug, maybe to calm him down, but he didn’t want any of that. He started to make real moaning sounds; he was completely pissed off now. “It’s just a hug, Lucas. That is all.” “No.” I didn’t want to deal with him anymore so I just went upstairs, crying at the fact that a simple hug was too much for him. A little bit later, I heard him come up. “You sleeping up here?” “Yeah.” He shuts the basement door and goes downstairs. All I wanted was a hug and even that was too difficult. Has it really come to the fact that I have to beg for a hug?I couldn’t bear to be around him at that point. It’s strange how an argument starts out with something stupid like waking someone up, and then it goes onto a deeper level. Seems to happen too much anymore between us. I didn’t know what to do. More than anything I just wanted the sun come up and me to go home and get away. Sunday So the night was horrible, the whole weekend was horrible. I just wish I could start over, sometimes knowing what I know now. I wish I never went over there. I did not want to hear those words. Those words of killing oneself. How can anybody say that? Especially after losing your mother. All that I want to do right now is climb into my bed and sleep the rest of the day away. I wish I could say the same about the weekend. This awful weekend. Nothing went right. As I pulled into my driveway, I found myself with a strange feeling that nothing was ever going to be the same anymore. I look around me and see that the sun finally arrived at full force and birds chirping. People were awake now, waking up to a new day, filled with endless possibilities. I just wanted to get rid of the one I just had. Closing my eyes for a long day’s nap, I kept hoping that although it was a horrible night, will I ever get to see him again? I love him too much to give up. Have I become desperate? I didn’t want to think anymore and settled into a nice long nap.
