Virgin sex - serious question.

Hi,
I just cancelle the massive thread that I was going to post, in favour of this vastly summarised one :-

I'm 29 years old, only had one sexual partner that I lived with for quite a period of time. Fumbled at first but after the first time, it was easy. Gained reasonable experience and learned plenty.
Met a 27 year old virgin about 18 months ago. Her parents attitudes stopped her having sex and gave her a complex about it until my persuation and her trusted female friend suggested that she "didnt know what she was missing"
Plenty 'fooling around' over many weeks led to one planned night that was to be her first time. Absolutly knotted in nerves (although this was her idea) we set the scene real nice. Meal out, nice music, comfortable, warm etc.....great.
End product was that we were not successful. foreplay didnt work as I expected. She was real wet but I dont feel she was aroused other than her extra lubrication.
since my previous partner was sexually experienced I've not yet run into the problems caused by a vagina or indeed 'mind' that is not ready for sex

So, please help me out with the following points as far as the differences that happen inside the vagina prior to normal consenting intercourse

on arousal, am I right in assuming (that even on a female who has previously not had any sexual activity) that on arousal the vagina opening enlarges (making entry easier) and as well as the obvious lubricating that the cerivx which normally comes down into the viagina will pull out of the way as the vagina lengthens ?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is the following true on arousal :-

1, extra lubricating noticed on surface
2, vaginal opening enlarged making entry easier
3, Cervix relaxes / moved up out of the way
4, vagina lengthens and straightens slightly



P.S - I can see that we need to take more time, to be more relaxed and spend time on foreplay to be sure that the above 4 points have been taken care of


Please advice with your constuctive comments and advice

thanks for reading this


Paul



P.s - can you give me any point as to how to get her 'in the mood' other than what I already know, how to get her nerves to subside. She is fine about bieng naked and dresses sexy to impress me, and she's keen to get involved in sex play... she really likes the idea of it...... but just locks up at the last minute !

 

she was probably just nervous.

 

Sexual arousal does nothing to the cervix. The cerix is affected by ovulation. Around ovulation the cervix opens slightly and is lower, when not around ovulation it is closed and up higher.

 

Oh p.s.

In my experience, as long as the girl is nice and wet, its good to go

 

I think I may have found and confirmed the information that I was lookin for on the following website : www.the-clitoris.com - see below. Does seem to be the case that the cervix does pull upward on arousal, and I feel that this was likely the biggest part of the problem. More time is the key to killing those nerves, then I'm sure things will turn out better.

Vaginal lubrication begins first, within 10-30 seconds.
The inner two thirds of the vagina expands.
The uterus and cervix are pulled upwards.
The labia majora flatten and spread apart.
The labia minora increase in size.
The clitoris increases in size.
The nipples may become erect as the result of muscle contractions.
When highly aroused the breasts may increase in size.

 

Actually what happens is when the woman reaches orgasam the cervix pulses up and down. (During ovultaion this helps fascilitate the sperm to its destination.

 

Sounds like your partner is very nervous about the whole thing and probably even thinks sex to be a dirty act, thanks to her up-tight parents.

I think it would be a wise idea to first get her to stretch her vigina on the daily-basis for a certain period of time. She could start by inserting one finger first, and gradually increase the number of fingers until she is comfortable with three fingers in herself.

Once she's gotten to that point, she might even try something like a dildo or a vibrator of a reasonable size, to further get her vagina used to having something equivalent to the size of your penis within her vagina. All that can be done during masturbation, or you may also want to help during mutual masturbation or foreplay.

To lessen her emotional stress due to her upbringing, you have to be patient and make sure she understands that being sexual is one of the most beautiful and wonderful aspects of being human. Well, I'm sure you already know all that, so I'm done talking for now...

Good luck!

 

I hope you forgive me for sounding like I havent got a clue on this subject, it's partly true I know, but having only had one experienced and relaxed sexual partner I've never experienced this 'nervous response'.
During foreplay, having had a gentle explore with my finger, I can only conclude that what I can feel an inch or two inside the vagina along the front wall, and protruding downward and making for difficult or impossible entry is the cervix.
I do find this discussion and subject generally facinating, and I'm interested to know that I'm learning about something that was never apparent during years of lovemaking with my previous partner.
It's such a shame that some people are so programmed into thinking that sex is a dirty and bad practice, and in this case my partner is going against the advice of her parents who she obviously loves dearly. Her head wants the experience, but her body firmly does not know what to expect. We're going to take our time, we'll practice a little more as she gets more comfortable things will hapen naturally I'm sure.

having had 10 or more years of thinking that sex was bad and avoiding the advances of boyfriends, with parents that believe only in 'no sex before marriage' wouldn't you be nervous about your first time ?

........infact, if I cant find it on the site I think I might just start a thread entitled "what was your first time like ?"


thanks for the advice

Paul

 

Thanks to everyone who is posting here, it's always helfull read your advice. I just feel really sorry for her in a sence, she has led a sheltered life, and her sexuality is supressed, she is quite a sexual person and it really does show sometimes....but she's learned to assume that it's bad, I'll show you how sheltered, you'll like this :-

One night we'd been on the train to the next town for a night out, I'd had a few drinks but she hadn't as she was driving home later. There was only myself and my partner and her other female friend who is firmly sexually active and of similar age. I was larking about and brought up some conversation about living together......."Oh" she said "Don't mention the 'M' word" she'd meant Marriage, but I blurted out "Whats the 'M' word ? Masturbation ?" - to which she replied "....... Whats Masturbation ?"

if there was ever a comment that you could retract, that must be it !

 

forgive me, what do you mean by 'YBH' ?

 

HAHAHA...Accepted

 

Very funny ! (or perhaps you're serious?)

good luck.

------- thanks for the help anyway
Paul

 

Well, I've only had experience with one person and I'm married to him. But I can say that it took quite a few tries to fit himself inside of me despite how aroused I was. I think he was afraid of hurting me too, so it took us a while, but once we got situated, it was absolutely fantastic.

 

do you mean tries on seperate occasions ?

could you say that the likely problem was nerves or just the fact that your body was not used to this new activity ?

 

i agree

 

I can understand the nervous feeling, I get that nervous about it that I feel sick and I know all about parents that "hide" sex from you. I had no idea about sex when I left school at 16 and to be honest I have little idea even now......

 

dont arrange to do it on a certain night, coz then she's fretting about it. She needs to be relaxed and then to just work up to the event. spend time together in each others arms, maybe just sleep with one another for a while, to get used to each other more. And if she doesnt ask you to stop then slowly go for it. maybe have some extra lube on hand. but as a virgin, her vagina will be smaller than someone who's been having sex remember. keep reassuring her that its all ok and then just slowly start to penetrate.

 

Thanks for the advice. I've had a little more luck since, we're still getting on great, and still spending more time in bed mucking around than actually sleeping...hard to belive I know to still not be having actual sex, but it's fun nevertheless.
I've finally confirmed that it was simply her nerves the first time, and likely because it was so 'arranged' (by her mostly you understand)
I've found out that much more time spent on foreplay and a much more relaxed and playfull attitude toward the whole thing makes a huge difference. Manage a tiny bit of penetration but it suprised her so she pulled away.. not saying a thing...nor did I. - was great fun, just not rushing is fine with me. Maybe she isn't a virgin now.....but only by half an inch !
Got a holiday planned, cruise around the Carribean in four weeks, plenty of time to ourselves I think.

thanks for the advice

Paul

 

And if a guy is unusually large and bumps the cervix... wooo eeee hes in trouble! but if you are super endowed there is an inch of extra runway if you do it doggy i hear...

 

The cervix moves during orgasm, where it does a sucking motion that sucks the sperm into the opening. Other than that, itm ight move up a little as the vagina lengthens.

The vagina does become looser, allowing for easy entry.

I think she was really nervous. Just give her time.