I am going alittle fucking apeshit at the moment. I dunno what to do with myself! I was livin on the streets for awhile trippin around and havin a good time, then I fucked up and got too mixed up with coke and other various shitty drugs. I moved in with a buddy of mine and its fucking wierd. I dont do well in boxes. I was so fuckin happy before and now I just get this sick feeling in my stomach most of the time. People who I once thought were family look at me like Ive got the fucking plague or something and I dont know what to do about it. I either sit around and watch t.v. ( i know i know) or go downtown but since all my freinds dont seem to be friends anymore, or something like that, all I can do is sit in the laundromat or the fucking library all day. And I can tell you that this is not the way I want to live my life. It is getting ridiculous. So I figure I should get out of the fucking box and start trippin around again. I could care less about a job, I mean the only reason I'd have one is to get money and the only reason I want money is to get fucked up and Im tired of getting fucked up so I guess thats really a no brainer. But I cant stand just sitting here, killing time, watching people I care about ignore me for some reason. I may have fucked myself up alittle but I hope its nothing permanent. I think thats all just in my head but I dont know what else to think. So a warmer climate is DEFINATELY looking good right now, maybe I'll go down to quartzite, but I dont really want to hitch 1400 miles all by myself! Especially since Ive only been through california once in my whole life. Im defiantely going to nationals this year but fuck their like 5 months away! I cant just sit around on my ass till then. I need to get my head straight. I need to find someone to go with me cuz I really need to get the fuck out of here. Everyone who would have went with me are already down there so I dont know. Im at a loss. But I really do just need to get the fuck out of here. Is my confusion making any sense? To anyone?! Im felling alittle hopeless and thats just not me. Help?
Dude, don't worry about how people say you fucked up your head or whatever. You typed great english and you sure don't sound fucked up. It sounds to me like you think you need a little more purpose in you life then you have right now. Like that you aren't satisfied with your life being based about just getting fucked up all the time (though it's fun in moderation ). In my feelings it just sounds like you need to get out there and do some charity work or something like that. Help out some brothers and sisters out, especialy since you don't really care about having a high paying job or any shit like that. Go see a great band, go make some new friends since you other ones don't seem to be working out. I don't know man I'm just trying to help. Anyways have a lot of fun at the gathering. Best of luck. Peace
hey, thanks man. I appreciate the kind words. Reality is beginning to come back to me, alittle fragmented but Im piecing it together.
get job and buy a caravan.you'll travel with your house and I hope you'll feel better..I adore travelling and that's one of my dreams
Don't do drugs. They will make you a slave to money. You should do something productive, that will benefit society and maybe you a little (not like a job, because in most jobs you just waste your life making money for the share holders of some greedy corporation). I think volunteer work is a good idea, or read and write stuff. Make new friends. It'll be easier to meet new people if your not stuck in a library or laundromat all day (those places are boring by the way, I think I'd die of bordem if I were you or I'd just sit and read all day at the library).
I definatly agree with green. drugs arent the only way to feel free and get awsome experiences out of life. Just do what you love to do-travel and see where the wind takes you and by not doing drugs you'll be able to remember it! lol my personal dream is to just take a bus or anything and just see where it takes me and keep a journal about the places and people i meet on the way.
hell yah after i graduate im traveling, and keeping a daily log of my journey. im gonna go from chicago to arizona. and im not going straight there, im gonna zig zag around and go site seeing. man its gonna be great... oh and the only drug ill be bringing is marijuana. fuck i cant wait to travel...
take a journey! it will help your soul, get you away from the junk, and keep you occupied. If your just loafing around town doing nothing you might aswell take the journey! you can come visit me!
I began my travels when the streets and drugs got to me, I enjoyed it so much. The experiences and things, you can even stay in shelters about when it's a cold or rainy night. Free things are everywere, sweetie, and happiness is one of them. If winter is too cold for you, settle down for that time. Generally there a squaters rights (if you stay some were, come winter that cant legally kick you out till spring) which count for anywere, pretty much, and also you can do other things. I'm back in school for the winter and getting things set up. I htiched all by myself, and as long as your careful, its all fine. If not, get a good friend at a concert or get together, or simply seek out some vagabonds and travel together. Most like to travel with a buddy, it makes those lonely nights not lonely at all, and makes for an interesting time. -Mikki
