A rabbi, Priest, and polish man walk into the bar... The bartender says "What is this.... some kinda joke!"
A priest and a nun come out of a parish meeting late at night and the father says to the nun, "Sister, would you mind if I walked you to you door?" She answered, "OK but just this once." They walked quietly the her building and the father said, "Sister, would you mind if I kissed you on the cheek? And the nun answered "Ok, as long as you don't get into the habit." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Guy #1: "They say brunettes have a sweeter disposition than blondes and redheads." Guy #2: "Don't believe it! My wife has been all three, and I couldn't see any difference." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:" Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?" Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes: "And what does that tell you?" Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants. "Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says "No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what what wrong with your pecker?" Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"
Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps, are a French guy an American guy, an old Greek lady and a young blonde Swiss girl. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. The Frenchman thinks: The American must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The American thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Frenchman again.
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said t he little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work." Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"
The Three Wise Men In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise man came from afar.'" ------------------------------------------------------------ A father was giving advice to his son just before his marriage. "Son," he said, "in the beginning it will be tri-weekly. After ten years it will be try weekly, and after twenty years it will be try weakly." ------------------------------------------------------------ A man is strolling through the Olympic Village and he sees another man walking along with a great, long stick over his shoulder. He asks the man, "Are you a pole vaulter?" To which he receives the reply, "No, I am a German. How did you know my name was Walter?" ------------------------------------------------------------ Q: Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors? A: Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
A man stands outside a swanky hotel late one evening when he notices a newlywed groom standing outside alone. The man decides to strike up a conversation with the groom. "Just married?" "Yeah." The man looks at the groom quizzically and asks, "Well, why aren't you up in the honeymoon suite sealing the deal so to speak?" "Well I can't. She's got gonorrhea" "Man, that's rough, but can't she give you a nice blowjob- this is your honeymoon isn't it?" "Yeah it is but we can't do that either- she's got pyorrhea." "Awww man, will she let you do her up the ass?" "Nope- diarrhea" "Jesus Christ! Why the fuck did you marry her? What good is she?" "Well she has worms and I love to fish!"
