Good one liners!

I wanted to see some god one liner jokes, feel free to add to this thread:sunglasse
I'll start with a Rodney Dangerfield classic:
"I went my psychiatrist the other day and he told me I was crazy I said I wanted a second opinion so he said "All right your ugly too!"

Hope I didn't butcher that one!

 

Resize your sig pic you ass.

 

I tried but it wouldn't budge, but thanks for "kindly" pointing that out!

 

Take my wife,please! - Henny Youngman

 

"I remember the back in the day when the radio played great music: that was a Saturday, right?"- Uh, me...

 

I used to be into bestiality sadism and necrophilia all at the same time but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse

 

Polka? I barely knew her! (Pronounce "her" as "ah")

 

From my grandkids:

"Don't give me bread with my hot dog - I'm allergic to bread"
"Maw Maw, I think my guitar's in the dryer"

 

Rectum? He nearly killed 'em!!

 

Pedophiles are fucking immature arseholes!!

 

Our bulletproof vests come with a lifetime guarantee!

 

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face?"

 

LOL

Two antennas sitting on a roof decided to get married... well the wedding wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

Incest is best kept in the family

 

pedifiles ? are u fucking slow buddy ? i mean he dint mention pedifiles in the joke so where u come up with it ? Btw: Necrofilia-study of the dead
Sadism-worship of satin
You-are fucking stupid
sorry that was a tad harsh but dang...

 

Lol, I think he was just carrying on the sex theme. Read what he said again

Paedophiles are fucking immature assholes

Think about it...

 

1. This ain’t no beer gut; it’s a protective cover for my rock hard abs.
2. Don’t rush me. I get paid by the hour.
3. A man is not complete until he’s married, then he’s finished.
4. I’m retired, but I work part-time as a pain in the ass.
5. Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
6. Official chocolate taster. It’s a rough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
7. I fought the lawn and the lawn won!
8. If I got smart with you, how would you know?
9. Smile - tomorrow will be worse.
10. I think I found the sap in your family tree.
11. Is it recess yet?
12. I’m a jeanious.
13. Drink coffee. Do stupid things faster with more energy.
14. I smile ‘cause you’re my brother. I laugh ‘cause there’s nothing you can do about it.
15. I’m not 50, I’m 49.95. I’m not 60, I’m 59.95.
16. All men make mistakes . . . married men just find out about them sooner.
17. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
18. We get along in our RV because we don’t have room to disagree.
19. Women want me, fish fear me.
20. I suffer from a superiority complex.
21. No outfit is complete without cat hair.

 

ey some of those are pretty good.. pretty neat

 

Wow... umm, don't tell me. Both their parents are your kids?