I really really reallllllly want to talk to some people and hang out and call people on the phone but........... kjdkfjdskdsrjei dammit I never talk to anybody. I never call anybody. I never hang out with anybody or have friends over (or go to friends houses). I know I have some issues. What are the issues? I have really low self esteem. Its really onesided. If somebody I didn't know called me, anything, or tried to insult me in any way, I wouldn't be affected the least. I'd only feel bad if somebody I respected called me something. This is the worst most horrible way to say this, but i really have to say it. sdt I feel stupid right now I really don't like myself... sometimes I do. I used to be really depressed, but its gotten much much better. I used to think of suicide every day for hours, but now I rarely very rarely do. I'm not suicidal. My entire life is a waste. I want to enjoy it but I don't. dtasdtteeeieieieieie I don't think my life will get better. Thats what they say, highschool sucks, but I'm just going to be a slave all my life. I'm going to end up at some corporation or starve, and then I'll work until I'm 85 or drop dead because there will be no social security or retirement. Maybe that might not turn out that way, but my social life I think will always suck. I'll ddyawye still be ugly, boring, and unable to live up to anybody's expectations. I'm depressed. You know what is ironic? I don't get depressed because I don't talk to people. I get depressed because people talk to me and I don't like what I say, and I feel so awful about what I said, or I think bad things about myself when I'm around people I want to talk to. I suck. I am a boring person. Nobody would want to meet me.
hmmmmm.. are you nerdy? not the kind of nerd that carries around his math and biologybooks everywhere, but the HF kind of nerd?
Dude, just go die! Oh god please keep reading I was just joking. Hmm I probably must admit first that Im not going to be able to help you that much (thats ur job think about it), but I will tell you a few things. First of all you must fight this, dont accept to yourself that ur depressed, constantly work on improving yourself because trust me there is no amount of work not worth doing to get out of this. And I know this is going to suck to here, but your not going to wake up one day completely fixed. Lastly this is just my advice its properly going to be a bit misleading youve got to do this urself for urself. Things to Remember to Help You: being 'depressed' changes how u think you actually cant see the good if youve got the same problem going through ur head, maybe the question ur asking is wrong there is alot of good in this world and most people are generally good you should never fight yourself learn to be your own best friend your probably going to fail a few million times but trust me its worth it Most Importantly: Learn how to love yourself! ps i was in the same boat as u, and to be honest i still am but those are a few things ive picked up along my ways [edit: Also think about this, how can you expect people to love you and find you interesting even when you dont, come on stoping being such a bitch ur better than this shit!]
Hey Green. Ever heard of self-fullfilling-prophecy??? Google it and you'll see you are victim of it (you are what you believe to be). Hoppin is right - you won't wake up one morning and have this all be fixed. But let me tell you that what you are going through is normal. I felt the same way when I was a teenager... except I was 13/14 years old. I thought I was stupid and dorky. Around the time I was 15 I started getting into music and found inspiration in the words of the people I listened to. I won't say that the music changed my life, but it changed the way I looked myself and the world around - perspective is everything. I started seeing what was good about me and through many baby steps I learned to percieve myself in a much more positive way. Don't be so hard on yourself. And don't sweat the future, its not that bad. I never thought I would become anything when I was 17. Well when I was 23 I was a store manger managing people in their 40's (I'm now in my 30's and doing something else with my career - that I do like!). Life has a funny way of working out - as long as you keep the faith. Life is meant to be enjoyed, Green. It's sometimes hard work, but it is worth it... trust me.
Yeah scooch is right, you are doomed to have a meaningless life with no social contact... simply because you believe you do.... You sound Really obsessive compulsive, just from the way you wrote this thread, for people like you positive affirmations will make a huge difference... we tend to repeat the same thing in our heads 1000's of times a day (yes 1000's) so start telling yourself something positive! last of all, work out what you want and go get it!
I bet that is your internal monologue, you have to change that because with out even concentrating you're probably saying it over and over and it makes it become true...
feb 24 is the "Day of Sacrifice". for all of you who know i use Gary Goldschneiders books on birthday astrology. I just read it for green's day.. it describes him to a t. Green, you are highly intelligent. But prone to all this dark delusion. there is nothing wrong with you. you are perfect just how you are. you can, however, modify all of it so it isn't painful. Go to barnes and noble and get G.G. "secret language of Birthdays" and his other 2 books and start studying yourself and everybody that you know. it will give you something to do, and teach you what you need to know. (god i wish i could help everybody on this entire forum everyday. i would if i could, just by typing out the pages of the books..... I mean, Gary is the man. He knows personalities better than any other human on earth and the anwers are there for all of us. )
Green, even after finding lots of friends, I still feel the same way as you. I feel like you have realised what I have a lot sooner than I did. Don't let anyone bash you for being a pessimist. Our society is a chaotic, slave driven, dehumanising machine and the only way you'll ever like it is if you lie to yourself. You have to start working now to find ways out of it - for example living in communes, or travelling round the world. On the topic of being a loner, it usually means you'll be a better smarter person as you get older. You seem to be a reasonable person and i'm gussing you'll find friends as ayou get older. Try and stay of the net and do something constructive.
I want to take a trip around the world and live in a commune. Those are two things I've been thinking about. I also kind of want to become a vegitarian (if I do, I wont do it until I am out of my parents house). I think I want to find a better country than the U.S. to live in when I finish college. All I do is get on the net. I can think of some constructive things to do though. Maybe I should do them. They will only occupy me for like, a week maybe, but atleast I will feel better a little.
Honestly green, i don't know what you look like, or what clothes you wear - and this shouldn't matter anyway but most of your posts are honest, intelligent and mature. You're a hell of a lot cooler than a lot of people on here and you should remember that you are still young and probably going through one of those stages where people just can't understand you. You definitely have my respect. Looking back on my last post, i should mention from personal experience that even though its a good thing to seperate yourself from society, try not to isolate yourself from people too much...even though most people suck...just once in a blue moon you just might find a good person that actually gets you for who you are...its strange but THEY DO EXIST, like pots of gold at the end of a rainbow Even though its hard, i don't think you should ever be anyone but yourself. hope thats good advice.
I like your sig. Whoever wrote that's a very high thinker...airy person. My writing has loops like that and i think way too much.... As for Green, you made me sad I used to feel like you. But i find its a lot better when youre out of school and actually doing somethin youve chosen to do with your life. You need this book i have. Its called "being happy" and has cute little cartoons and stuff. Xx
I bet you can't get asleep when you lie in bed. 'cause there are the moments of your behavior that you've done in that day and you have became nervous when you remind of this. I know lot of people who were just like you in your age and the same was I. However, it leaves you when you get older. Only you must is to be more active in real life than in cyber life. Many persons have social problems 'cause they attend to internet relationships too much and in several times they became feel uncomfortable when they meet people in real life. So please force yourself to be more social and to meet as much people as it's possible. Good lucK!
Verseau Miracle - check out http://postsecret.blogspot.com - Its a really beautiful site, thats where I got the sig from. I like red too Cooloner, I feel like we have so much in common, you have mirrored my feelings on life ever since I left high school. You really are a cool loner, and an anarchist too! We need more people like you! Green, a lot of the younger members on here basically get treated like crap because sometimes what they post is shallow, ignorant or just immature - just remember that you have been treated with respect here because your posts show that you seem to have some sort of character!
