For the past week Aiden has been refusing to sleep in his crib. Every time i put him in his crib he will automatically wake up and jump up and down screaming. I have tried leaving my shirt in his crib i have tried everything. ALso when he does sleep in our bed he doesnt sleep next to me he HAS to sleep on me wether it be on my leg or back or even my head he just has to be on me. When ever i try to move him off of me he will wake up and lay right back on me. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
I'm an avid co-sleeper I say bring him to bed and let him be as close to you as he needs to. Our two kids have slept in our bed from day one and the next babe will too We'll be 5 pigs in a blanket soon
I went through this exact same thing with my first child at that age, honestly your not alone, I think everyone goes through it. I tried everything, sitting in the room, laying on the floor next to the cot, sitting by the door talking softly, none of it worked, my daughter just screamed and I was starting to get desperate. I can remember sitting on the floor by my daughters cot just sobbing and sobbing and mumbbling sleep just sleep, I dont know if I was even talking to her or myself! I couldnt bear to leave her cry it out, my heart would break, and I thought at times I was going to lose my mind it went on night after night. In the end, for the sake of my own sanity and to get a decent nights sleep myself, one night I just thought I cant do this anyomre, I bathed her, got her bedclothes on, put her in the crib, said goodnight its sleeptime and walked out of the room and closed the door. I ran downstairs and put headphones on and music full blast so I couldnt hear her scream. I told my hubby to let me know when she had cried herself out. After an eternity she stopped and I broke my heart crying, I felt like the worst mother in the world. But i did the same the next night and the next, and within a week it had all stopped. She had her bedtime routine and she knew that no matter how much she played up I wasnt going to give in to her but my god it was tough. The situation was totally different with my second, right from the start she had her own room, and had to fit in with us and our schedule rather than us fitting in with hers. (she is now one of the most confident, independant, happy little girls I have ever seen) I dont think there is any right or wrong way of doing things, but this is what worked for me. I really didnt want our kids in bed with us at night, I cant function properly on no sleep and Im a bit of an insomniac as it is, having 2 kids kicking the living daylights out of me all night long and a snoring hubby to boot would have just sent me over the edge! Good luck and I really do empathise with your situation.
This is where me and and shane (my fiance) disagree. He refuses to let aiden cry at all let alone cry himself to sleep. As soon as aiden starts crying shane either picks him up adn makes him happy or tells me to not let him cry or tells me to put a boob in his mouth to make him happy. The other thing is that every hour aiden wakes up and wants a boob and I dont know why or how to deal with this. Shane is no help at all at night he just sleeps right through it all. This little phase that aiden is going through has gotten so bad that i cant even get up to take a piss in the middle of the night without aiden waking up screaming then climbing off the bed and coming to find me.
In all honesty, I think Shane is on the right track. Aiden is only 10 months old. He really doesn't understand the fact that he is a seperate person than mom. I'm not sure when babes start to realize this, but it should be coming soon. All he knows is that he's not happy when mom is not around. It's not his fault and it's not your's. He's just a babe and to let him cry when even he can't understand would be sad. He's also may be too young to go all night without any breastmilk. Breastmilk is so gentle that it passes thought the system almost as quickly as they can eat it. So him waking to eat at night is completely normal. I didn't night wean untill 16 months the first time and 14 months the second time. It will seriously make your nightime parenting so much easier if you bring him into bed with you. You can virtually sleep though feedings, he'll get the closeness from you that he so desires, you'll hear virtually no crying (if any at all) at night, and he may not be clingy during the day. Remember that his body and brain are going through some crazy developmentle milestones right now. You said he's walking and climbing now right? That and he may be thinking about starting to talk, and he's just discoving the world around him. He won't be like this forever. It's our job as mamas to help our babes transition through these phases as smoothly as possible. I highly reccomend you NOT have him cry it out.
If your fiance wants your son kept happy, fine, let HIM keep him happy, let him be the one up all night, doing all the nursing, cuddling and feeding. After 3 days and nights of it, while you sleep through it all, he may well just change his mind, and have a bit understanding for what your going through. If you can express milk all the better, you fiance can take a turn in feeding your son. Your son is old enough to be sleeping through the night now withour being fed, give him a last feed at night and dont feed him again until the morning. Its really really hard to do and you cant do it alone, you will need all the support your fiance can give you while you establish a bedtime routine, you need to work together as a team through this one and hang on in there and percevere. Kids are very very clever and excellent manipulators, they have an art of playing one parent off against the other even at the age of one, you need to be united and strong. Try discussing it with your fiance, tell him how tired and desperate you are, and that you need his help. If ever you feel at the end of your teather with it give me a pm and feel free to rant as much as you like, I remember how it felt, how I felt at the time, and it was horrible, I just wanted to bang my head off the wall. Good luck, and remember, your not alone, and your certainly not a bad mother.
As far as the feeding/not feeding through the night goes I am not a doctor, only a mother, and both my kids were sleeping through the night at 3 months of age until Beth started the screaming thing when she just turned one. I suggest you get advice from your doctor or health visitor and check thats its ok to leave him go 6 hours through the night with no feed before you try and stop feeding him.
With all due respect, I'm going to massively dissagree with you Gixer. At the ripe old age of 10 months, a breast fed baby natually cannot go with food for 6-8 hours unless they are "trained" to and that just seems mean IMO. Also, children are not born manipulators. Manipulation is a learned behavior and a child of 10 months cannot conciously manipulate.
Here's a great site to get advice on all sorts of parenting techniques. I've linked you to the sleep issues page http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp
my fiancee gives me no support at all. I have a bedtime ritual and almost every night that shane is home he gets sleepy aiden all wired and playful and it's hard to get aiden to sleep. I do tell shane how tired and exhausted i am and all he says is what can i do about it. I suggest that he gets a bottle and thaw out some milk and he saw im too tired or some other stupid excuse. Dont get me wrong shane doesnt always do these things its just the fact that he does do these things that pisses me off.
Oh no, this is just like the age old question of "when should my baby be sleeping through the night?" Well my baby will be 6 years old in a month, and she STILL gets up most nights to come in & curl up with Mama & Dada. So I have no idea how long it's supposed to take, but I'd have to say from personal experience, "YEARS!" If your little guy is only 10 months old & still breastfeeding, it is very possible that his tummy simply cannot hold enough to keep him satisfied through the night & he may be waking for this reason. Because of how easily-digestible breastmilk is, it will naturally "go through him" quicker than any other kind of food. Personally, I would try co-sleeping. It is the only thing that saved me from going insane when my kiddies wouldn't let me to sleep any other way. If you feel uncomfortable bringing him into your bed, try the sofa... or even a pile of sofa cushions on the floor, so he can't possibly "fall off." I found that within a week of giving up & bringing my son to bed with me, I would naturally roll him to the other side when he was hungry. And most mornings I wouldn't even remember having done it! It let me get the sleep I needed, while giving my kids the comfort they needed. And with my husband working 90 hour weeks, some days this was the only time he got to snuggle with the babies! It's not easy, and every family is going to be different. What worked for me could be absolutely wrong for you, and something I would have never tried could be the trick that works for you. Seriously, try something different every week or so, until you find something that works for YOU! Good luck! love, mom
Is there another time of the day that they can horseplay together? Remember, your the mama, if you're doing most the day time and the night time parenting, then what you say goes. If Shane needs a list of quite time activities to play with Adian before before bedtime, then write up a list and stick it to the fridge
Its good that you disagree with me and have a different parental approach, thats whats so wonderful about these forums, you get lots of different info from lots of different people, no one way is right or wrong, its all about what works for you. I think the most important thing is the feeling that your not the only one thats going through it, and your not a bad mother just because you cant get your little one to sleep. I would never presume to dole out advice or tell someone what do do, only what worked for me in my situation at the time. I breastfed both my girls until they were 16 months old, and they both slept happily through the night from midnight until 5.30am. As soon as they started taking in solids at about 5 months then they slept a little longer, when they got to 9 months and were eating really well and being fed from me then they slept from 10pm through to 6am everynight apart from teething troubles. I just looked back over my journal from that time and it took 6 nights to establish the bedtime routine and we still stick to the same one now. Soothing bath with chamomile and lavender, warm pyjamas, tucked into bed and a story, then lights out at 8.30pm. I am not a perfect parent, I wish I was, I had no mother role model of my own and have had to "find my own way" so to speak, and that way may not always have been correct, but I do my best, and I love my girls, and they are happy, healthy and well adjusted. They are loved, show much affection, always kissed, cuddled and made to feel safe and secure. They are fed organic healthy food, they are kept clean, they always have washed and pressed clothes, we dont sit in front of the tv all day, we paint, we mould clay, we play games and spend as much time as possible outdoors in the fresh air. They are my proudest achievment, its a joy to watch them growing into such secure, independant, healthy, happy, strong little people.
FallenFairy, bring Aiden to bed with you, lie down with him when you're tired, and you both will go to sleep and be much happier. It's that simple, honey.
The only time that shane is free is when he's home and not on the computer or in front of the tv or sleeping so basically when he feels like playing with aiden or when i leave the room thats when he has time.
I have been bringing aiden to bed with me since he was born but what is different about how he has been acting is usually at the beginning of the night he would go sleep in his crib until 2 or 3 in the morning then he would come to bed and sleep with us. Now he will wake up as soon as i lay him down in the crib unless he is literally on any part of my body. I just dont understand why he is so clingy lately. Dont get me wrong i love having aiden sleeping next to me but it leaves absolutely no time for shane and i to have some alone time.
So, right now Aiden has a need that needs to be met, and he's telling you by being fussy. Is he teething? Is he having a growth spurt and needs to nurse more? Around 10 months is when babies realize they are seperate beings from you, and it's very scary for them to realize that they're not always with you. They have seperation anxiety, just like verbalizing children, but he can't say anything when he wants you, all he can do is cry. Babies really aren't trying to ruin your life, they're just asking for what they need the only way they can. By alone time, do you mean sex? if the baby is in the bed, he's not in the kitchen, on the couch, in the shower.....get my meaning? Or, if he's sleeping, he's not going to notice you and your man getting it on while next to him. It really won't mean anything to him for a while yet. Sometimes you have to get creative, and sometimes you have to put sex on the back burner while your baby's emotional needs are being met. You know that sick to your stomach feeling you get when your baby is crying? It's your mama instinct telling you to go get him and comfort him. "Alone time" is a Western concept, you and your partner don't need alone time, but your baby needs you. Cuddle on the couch as a family, go to bed as a family, watch tv as a family. Aiden is going to not want to be in your arms forever, believe me when he's 7 or 8 years old, you'll see every hug as a gift because he'll be so busy being a big boy.
Have him replace some computer or tv time with "papa time". Another reason to bring him to bed would be bonding time with Shane. My hub works ALOT, but he is in bed with his kids all night, everynight. That helps both the kids, and him, feel good about their relationships Brighid has some excellent, excellent thoughts
