Hi, I posted something similar to this in the Hippies forum but I thought I'd post it here as well to see what response I get from some of the older 'heads'. My question is this: are there any of you who stopped using hallucinogens many years ago who still feel like you're tripping. It's been 21 years since I took acid and I still have permanent hallucinations. They're pretty mild, just tracers and afterimages, plus some colours sometimes, but they exist 24/7. I have what's known in the medical world as HPPD which is very rare. Some people can get it after just one hit of acid (or other hallucinogen) while others (like me) can use drugs for many years before getting it. I would be interested to hear from a) anyone else who's on a permanent trip and b) seasoned heads who have tripped hundreds of times and are not on a permanent trip. Peace.
Brother, I feel you, I also have HPPD. I had to eat an enormous quantity of LSD to get it, but I got it......its not exactly fun, I can't even drive at night because of the fractals and movements i see. Unlike you I had the misfortune of having a misinformed doctor prescribe me Risperidone to cope with it, well just so you know, Risperidone should NEVER be given as a medication to combat HPPD, it interacts with the lysergic Acid peptides in your brain chemistry and damages receptors in your brain, because of this numbskull doc giving me Risperidone to combat my relatively easy to deal with HPPD, I now have brain damage that comes in the form of intense chronic anxiety and panic attacks, it basically keeps me keyed up half tripping all the time, its not fun to deal with at all. I was diagnosed with HPPD 5 years ago, and contrary to what they say it hasn't gotten any better. I dont mind the HPPD so much, its the anxiety/panic associated with it that bothers me. Hallucinogens can be a wonderful tool, and I honestly believe that they can change people for the better, if taken responsibly.
Brother, I feel you, I also have HPPD. I had to eat an enormous quantity of LSD to get it, but I got it......its not exactly fun, I can't even drive at night because of the fractals and movements i see. Unlike you I had the misfortune of having a misinformed doctor prescribe me Risperidone to cope with it, well just so you know, Risperidone should NEVER be given as a medication to combat HPPD, it interacts with the lysergic Acid peptides in your brain chemistry and damages receptors in your brain, because of this numbskull doc giving me Risperidone to combat my relatively easy to deal with HPPD, I now have brain damage that comes in the form of intense chronic anxiety and panic attacks, it basically keeps me keyed up half tripping all the time, its not fun to deal with at all. I was diagnosed with HPPD 5 years ago, and contrary to what they say it hasn't gotten any better. I dont mind the HPPD so much, its the anxiety/panic associated with it that bothers me. Hallucinogens can be a wonderful tool, and I honestly believe that they can change people for the better, if taken responsibly.
Many doctors are still completely ignorant about it and some have not even heard of it. The most common mistake doctors make is to diagnose you as psychotic and prescribe anti psychotics which do more harm than good as you have discovered. People with HPPD know that what they are seeing are hallucinations. Psychotic people tend to think that what they are seeing is real. Like you, the visual aspects don't bother me too much. My main problem is a feeling of unreality (de-realisation in medical terms). I have this in a very mild form constantly, but occasionally get episodes when I will suddenly feel as if nothing is real and this almost always causes extreme anxiety and in the worst cases a panic attack. It's a bummer, but I manage to live with it and I now have a decent job, a wife and 4 kids. It took me many years to learn how to cope with it though.
Yeah, I know what your talking about, I experience disassociation too, its like your in a movie and everything just kind of blends together and your watching, its taken me awhile but im learning to cope with that as well, you just cant let it get the best of you, basically i've learned that I have to take control of my own mind, i'm still working on it, but i'm getting there, btw, its very good to talk to someone else who has this, makes me feel alot less isolated. Another problem i've noticed is negative self-esteem, personally i feel like other people "know" just by looking at me and look down on me for it, I realize this is all in my head and is just an expression of my own negative ego but im curious, do you or have you ever felt that way as well? Also, have you ever had anyone talk down/look down on you after they found out you had HPPD? Personally I think alot of the symptomatics of it are related to the fact that (and this is my personal opinion) people who have taken large quantities of LSD tend to be very receptive and think outside of the box, I also believe that my brain operates in a different fashion than other people, I feel that alot of the anxiety/panic is related to the fact that I really do see things more clearly/perceptively than alot of people, I feel like my brain works faster or at a higher level (not to sound conceited) and this is the cause of alot of the indescribable feelings associated with it (u know what im talking about) what are your feelings on this?
Regarding negative self-esteem: yes and no. I don't suffer from negative self-esteem, but I do know that I would be able to do certain things 100% better if I didn't have this disorder and that gets me down. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty because it was me that chose a drug taking lifestyle in the first place, nobody forced it on me. Having said that I don't wholly regret it because I do believe that some positive changes were made to my life during the years I was taking drugs. People looking down on me: No, because I never tell people that I've got HPPD. My wife is probably the only person I've ever told, except of course for people on internet forums. Brain: Yes, my brain definitely works in a different way than it did before. I'm not sure if it's more receptive or not, or faster, but these are both aspects that I have considered in the past. I'm not convinced that hallucinogens can lead to any sort of real spiritual enlightenment, but I do think that they can cause you to consider things more deeply and trigger trains of thought that lead you to think more deeply and intuitively about life in general. Having said that, I think that they should be taken much more seriously than they are at present. Kids today are dropping acid and expecting to have a funny, hippy happy party time and see lots of nice colours etc. Hallucinogens are not about that in my opinion, they are powerful mind altering substances. Wonderful experiences can be had while under the influence of these substances, but equally horrid experiences are also possible, so anyone going into it without seriously considering this is asking for trouble. Good speaking to you anyway, I know what it feels like to be isolated with this disorder. Have you visited http://hppdonline.com/index.php? The message board link on that site takes you to a forum where people with HPPD and other drug induced disorders can rant to their hearts content. There's also lots of practical help there. Hope you have a great holiday period, I won't be online for a few days due to the holidays but I'll look forward to speaking to you again soon. Peace.
do yall ever notice more pronounced visual's when youve have a head cold or sinus infection,,an toothaches?? the colors in the patterns seem to become more vivid for me when i have those things...
i had flashbacks for a week or two when i ate this tiedye once. i felt dissociated and goofy for a minute. that could become permanent? that woud be scary. what about if you eat mushrooms? i know its a totally different buzz and all that, but is there anything similar to hppd you could get from eating too much shrooms (besides stomach ulcers and cancer)?
Potentially, yes. Go here: http://www.hppdonline.com/board/index.php, there's people who post here who claim to have got HPPD off shrooms.
I've only done shrooms a few times,and yes it has changed me...I'm still me,but... I just feel apart of me is gone. One weird thing that changed was when I touch myself(Not Masturbation(LOL!)like my leg or somethin',it doesn't feel like my leg,kinda feels like I'm touching someone else's. I use to get these weird/baked out thoughts about bad things happening to people I know...I don't really have em' anymore,they usually come back when I smoke weed though,so now I don't really smoke. It's like theres a voice in your head tellin' you that fucked' up shit.I told my friends & family about it but they just made fun of me. From then on everytime I told them I was feeling weird,they said "HAHA Look he's battling his mind again!!!" The most fucked up part about it though is the way my brain feels now...It's like I can feel it doin' stuff up there,and it trips me out. I too have flashbacks,and there pretty cool! Walls/ceiling breathing... I'm alot better now.I just started doing stuff that takes my mind off of my mind(lol) like going to the beach,skateboarding,playing/listening to music.Being around friends helps too. Don't stay locked up in your house!It's all in your head...You'll be fine...peace
