is he gay? or is he just open?

Okay....
well, my friend, who shall be referred to as Bob...
sends LOTS OF mixed messages, and it's quite annoying.
you see, I think he is bi or gay.
Although when I asked him, he said no of course.
here is why I think he's gay:
1.) once of the first things he said to me was (this was before i knew i was completly gay- i used ot think i was bi): "Bisexual poeple are hte best because they get to experience hte best of both worlds." and he sounded like he included himself when he said it...
2.) he does little gay things sometimes when he smiles or jokes around (not very gay or anyhting, but subtly).
3.) he gave me a head massage when I was stoned until I fell asleep
4.) he sleeps REALLY REALLY REALLY CLOSE next to me when he sleeps over- his head is ON MY PILLOW, only an inch or 2 away...
5.) he mentions that I am gay alot, and starts conversations abou it alot
6.) i woke up in the midlde of the night to find him holding my hand while I was asleep. I was confused, but let him hold my hand, and fell back asleep. the next morning he didnt meniton it.

when I asked him if he was gay, he said no, and I said "are you sure" a few times and he said yes. but when I told him that I woke up with him holding my hand, he seemed shocked and said "oh...was i? well, you know, it is close quaters on your futon....I like to spread out while I sleep..."

I'm not convinced that he is straight. Maybe I overanalyze what he does, but I've just never had any other straight guy friend of mine hold my hand while I sleep...thats just weird. And especially play dumb when I ask him about it...

I think he's bi, though I could see him being gay too. What do you think? Shoudl I just drop it? I don't want ot get too attached to the idea, or else I will then have trouble being freinds with him.

if he is straight, then he is THE MOST CONFUSING STRAIGHT GUY EVER!

 

sounds like he is gay or bi.

 

lol I remember this a while back...

The good news-

Everything you've mentioned is definitely believable that he could be bi or gay. Secure straight guys can have their gay traits, but not to the point where it seems like there's sincere remarks and intimacy going on like you mentioned.
Either he's confused and he's got this unconscious desire to experiment or he's obviously gay/bi and he's just very careful and reluctant.

The bad news-
All of these instances could be going to your head just to meet your demands or expectations. I had a friend (he still is) who was pretty intimate and playful with me at one point...You know, like he was interested or wanted to get somewhere with it. Unfortunately, I never took initiative nor did it last forever because we aren't around each other as much during the school year. However, now since it's over my head for the most part, I can safely realize that he's not gay. Was he curious? Probably. But for all I know, the phase is gone and he's definitely not gay for the long run.

So just be careful on how your mind interprets everything because it may go against you in the end.

But at the same time, be level-headed and keep it going because it seems like this guy still has his little 'thing' going on with you.

 

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My advice: go for it. Next time he sleeps over, and you both are pretending to be asleep and he's trying to hog the pillow. Roll over and kiss him on the forehead, and if he goes "dude -what the ..." Then you pretend to wake up, just like the hand holding thing. And go, "oh I was having a dream that I was meeting Colin Farrel ... No, I did not kiss you, ... sheesh!" And if he doesn't move his head then kiss him on the cheek and so forth. But if he moves his chin to bring his lips closer to yours, I'd say go for the tongue.

I want to tell you about a comedian friend of mine. A straight boy. He once told me: " You ever get a boner in public? I hate that. But I always seem to get them when I see the wind blow up a pretty girls skirt, or when a girl is combing her hair on the bus, or when I smell toast cooking, or when I hear a dog barking, or when it starts raining, or when I think about pie for some reason, or when ..." You get the idea. He was a horny bastard. Some dudes are like that.

Let me tell you a story about Billy and Bo. Bo is straight and kinda like my comedian friend. Don't blow in his ear, you know. And Billy is Bo's gay friend. One day Bo is feeling devilish and he says for Billy to go get him a pudding pop. Now, Bo's straight friends would have told Bo to "fuck off" if he told them to get him a pudding pop. But Bo said it with a devilish grin, that was subtly looking like a gay thing. So, Billy bounced right up and ran and got him a pudding pop after asking "what flavor." And Bo realized something when Billy, his eyes all bright and shinny like they had just shared a secret, came back with the pudding pop; Bo realized that having a gay boy run and fetch for him gave him a woody. (Only as a matter of fact it was the act of anybody running and fetching for him that made him hard. If Bo had a dog he would know that. That's the kind of bastard Bo was.)

Wait a minute -there's more to the story. The next day Bo was hanging with Carol. And he was all tongue tied. And he could feel his arms getting tight -he was so nervous. And so he was kinda sitting all macho and tight jawed in case he might say or do something stupid. And Carol asked him to get her a pudding pop. So, Bo bounced right up and ran and got Carol a pudding pop after asking "what flavor." Now, you might expect Carol to be a lesbian, but she wasn't. She was a straight bastard just like Bo. And when Bo, his eyes all bright and shinny like they had just shared a secret, came back with the pudding pop; that's when Carol decided she was going to marry the bastard, and the two of them lived happily ever after. The end.

Moral of the story? If between the time that Billy had fetched a pudding pop and Bo had fetched a pudding pop, if Billy had tried to steal a kiss from Bo, he might have gotten laid. But that's more than you can expect.



.

 

If you are gay and he is aware of this - and is then doing these things, then I dont know whether or not he is 'a gay' or 'a bi' (whatever those are supposed to mean) but it does mean he wants to get something started.
Probably a 'BJ'.
Its that simple.

 

This boy knows that you are gay and sleeps over with you. As far as I'm concerned, that's twelve of the ten deadly signs of homosexuality right there.

Of course, this doesn't mean that he is willing to admit it to you or even to himself. I would be very, very cautious about starting anything with this boy. Let him make as many moves as possible.

 

I know a guy who said that exact same thing about bi people once and turned out to be bi. I mean, I can't "categorize" him 100% b/c only he can do that, but that would be my guess.

 

I agree with what Sage said. I think the kid might be "afraid" to admit he's gay/bi and he's testing the waters, so to speak, with you.

Along the lines of what Hipunk said, the next time he sleeps over and you share a pillow, move your head a lot closer maybe even touching but don't kiss or anything and check his reaction.

oh, have you heard from your friend in Germany ?

good luck and peace out,
bob

 

yeah i had 'very straight' friend who slept over at my place alot,
and even after kissing me, and having sex with me, she was still 'very straight'
she just did 'a bi/lesbian thing'
y'know some people are never gonna admit they are bi or gay or whatever
but that doesn't mean they are straight.
i say, do the things he did, hold his hand etc and look how he reacts.

 

I dunno if kissing his forehead would be smart...

Since he held your hand, do something snuggly back like putting your arm around him or something first. Then warm up to whatever =)

 

yeah....I"ll just keep this thing going slow...sometimes it seems as though he isn't gay, but other times it seems as though he really really really is. I'll just haveta wait and see if any of these "odd" moments come up again, and make sure that I'm not too desperate. I did try the hand holding thing before, and he didnt do anything really, he just kind of stayed there- he may have been asleep though....but yeah, then he rolled over and took his hand away, so I dunno.

 

I assume that you have a second pillow on the bed. I just hope nobody sneezes.

You need to say something along the lines of, "Bob, I know I'm gay. Why do you keep bringing it up?"

 

haha, yeah, I get self concious...like, "does my breath stink like hell?" haha

yeah, i should say that to him...I kind of have before, but its been more along the lines of "you seem to note my homosexuality a lot bob..." and he doesnt really say much.

 

Be firm but gentle. I find it's great advice in almost any situation.

I'd love to know his answer to "Bob, you seem to spend an awful lot of time sharing a bed with a guy you know is gay. What's up with that?"

 

So, what would your reaction be if you found out he WAS gay or bi? Would you still want to remain friends or would you want to pursue a romantic relationship? Because if is the former, then I would just let it go altogether and say it doesn't matter what his orientation is. If you are seriously attracted to him, then that's a different story. I would agree with the others and say that questioning him about his interest in your homosexuality is the best route. Usually that interest is a sign of discomfort brought on by him identifying with your feelings.

I wouldn't ask him directly again--asking the same question so much can get annoying. Just give him time. I guess if you are interested in a romantic relationship, you could always flirt around with him and see what signals he gives off. You could try holding his hand and see what happens. Just be careful not to come on too strong or it could scare him away.

But, if I had to venture a guess, I'd say he's gay or bi. Otherwise, he's probably the most open-minded accepting straight guy out there. We could use more of them.

 

whether is gay or bi doesnt seem like the point here.
To me it really seems that he likes you.
maybe he is confused about his sexuality.
you two are close friends and maybe you are the only guy he feels he can get this close too.
Instead of asking him if he is gay, you should ask him if he is confused about his sexuality, and talk about it.
what kind of questions does he ask you about your sexuality??....
if its questions like:
how did you know?
or questions about your expieriences with men
I would say that you are guarunteed that he is asking you these things, b/c he is confused about himself.

 

i still have no idea- he can be kind of flirtatious, but I might just be taking it that way, as I am bad at identifying exactly what being flirtatious is. But he does seem to kind of flirt some times. However, he does get crushes on girls very often, and tries to date them (this often happens when we hang out, and he tries "discreetly" holding their hands, or laying his head on her lap when he's tired, and other silly touchy-feely things). I feel like its more of a show though sometimes. But not just that, but the way he talks about the sitautions afterwards is very....gay, for lack of a better word. He's all touchy-feely, unlike any straightguy that I have seen. I understand people being concerned about "what he/she thought" but not the way he talks about it like a girl. hehe. i'm not trying ot be mean abuot him, Im just saying.


I feel like its more of when we aren't around other people that he kidna loosens up...

I relaly think though that if he is, there's nothing I can really do to quicken his comofrtable-ness with his bisexulaity/homosexuality. All I can really do is not show much signs of interest in him (maybe flirt a TINY TINY bit, seirously) and just be his friend. The next time he sleeps over I will see waht happens.... (i always seemt o say that...who knows).
Cheers,
Dylan

 

good luck.

 

You're right--when he's ready he'll be ready. Hopefully, the situation will reveal itself when he next sleeps over. But if it doesn't, it will eventually. He will work out his issues with himself and then the whole thing will be less nebulous.

Best wishes!