Jesus was walking down the road and noticed an angry mob off to his left. He walks over to see what's up and see's that there's a whore about to be stoned to death. He says to the angry mob "Let ye without sin cast the first stone." There in the back, an old lady bends, grabs a rock and hurls it at the whore, beaning her right on the head. Jesus, obviously angry, looks over and says, "Dammit mom, you really piss me off sometimes!"
really? i never knew that then again, i didnt really pay attention during church/catholic school also, why would she be an old lady, since jesus only lived till his early thirties, and she was probly only in her mid to late teens when she got nailed by god
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door: 1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass." 10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God" 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Patrick's, not a patrick-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
On a flight from Shannon to New York Father Maguire finds himself seated next to a rabbi who introduces himself as Rabbi Klein, who was returning home to New York after a lovely vacation in Ireland. Shortly after Father Maguire asks, "Rabbi. Is it true that you people never eat pork?" "Never," replies the rabbi. "Surely, at some time in your life you must have tasted pork. Come on, now, huh?" "Well, Father, I guess since we're both in the same racket I can tell you. Yes, I did stray once and ate pork." "Ah, I thought so," says Father Maguire, a broad smile of satisfaction on his rotund face. "Now, Father," said the rabbi, "it's my turn. You guys are supposed to be celibate, right?" "Oh, dear God, yes. Absolutely." "Ah, come on, man. I leveled with you. Was there ever a time you strayed?" Sheepishly, Father Maguire says, "Well, truth to tell, there was a time, yes. Once. Long time ago." "I see," says the rabbi. "Beats the hell out of pork, don't you think?
How do you know? I don't remember reading that. Didn't they get their periods later back then? Like 15-16?
