Kinda a dilema here...could use some advice

k, to start off, if i end this without asking a question or anything, my bad, but i'm not really looking for answers, just advice

on top of that i feel kind of stupid posting this in the first place because....i dunno i find that i shouldnt have ever put myself in this position, anyways here's the deal:

my best friend, a guy i've known for what has been now since we were both 9 years old, and i am now 19

and then his girl friend...who has also been a friend of mine for about 4 years, but only became VERY close friends within the passed 2.

The situation is that my best friend, has been friends with this girl, [very close firneds mind you] for nearly 6 years now, ever since Grade 8 i belive in highschool, He has seen her go through numerous BAD boyfriends, always comforting her, telling her he's there, and all the time had feelings for her, but she never really saw what a truley good guy he was until about 4 months ago when they started dating

and when i say bad boy friends, thats pretty much an understatement, this girl has HUGE emotional needs, but it's not just like bitchy or always nagging

she NEEDS somone to comfort her, as she has gone through alot of shit in her life with parents/family, and as i see it all her previous boyfriends were absolutely pathetic in giving her what she needs besides my best friend.

anyways...the thing i find soooo hard, is i love her to death, quite possibly loving her more than a friend should, but i feel the need to protect her, comfort her, and just be the best damn friend i can be because thats what she really needs

so all the time i will hang out with her...comfort her, talk to her about anything and everything.. also pretty much hang out with her like a normal guy friend like every 2nd day going to the mall, getting coffe etc. so i go through this all and then i just see her and my best friend like being all sentimental/lovey dovey etc. while i'm there...

....and it kinda hurts me...

and this is the part I fucking HATE!

because the bottom line is, he is the best fucking guy any girl could possibly ask for, like u could not meet a better boyfriend, so when i see them together i know she is in 100% good hands, but the thing is...just to have such a close relationship with a girl...and then to see her to go to a guy, even when it's my best friend...somehow hurts....

another thing is..which is probably a major factor, I myself have never had a "actuall" girlfriend, i've had like little month long flings, fool around with girls, but never somone to "love"

any advice is much appreciated...it's getting to the point almost where it feels like i'm getting sick from worrying/thinking about it so much, and to be honest i dont know how to handle it.

 

Awww...this is a tough spot to be in.

My advice for you would be to give yourself a little distance from the situation. You know they can take care of each other, so you need to take care of yourself. Time will make these feelings lessen. I'm not saying to cut them out of your life completely, just be less available to them. And definitely back off from her. The more you expose yourself to her the more your feelings will grow.

Eventually you will have to decide to be the bigger man and be happy for them. And stop being afraid. Rejection and risk are a part of life. Everyone experiences it at one time or another. But if they didn't take a chance, they would never find love. So the next time you feel something for someone, don't let the chance to let them know pass you by.

*hugs*

 

^ Thanks, that is good advice...but...here's the thing:


She has NO girl friends, she has 1 other girl friend who she sees probably once a week because she's so busy going to school, working etc.

To her, i'm pretty much a "girl friend" she doesnt like to have girl friends because she has too much drama in her life already, so hanging with guys is alot simpler because they dont cause her any trouble

with that said, besides her BF, she considers me one of her "best friends"

fuck.....so confused i could cry

 

I am sort of in your position, or at least soon going to be.

I broke up with my gf about a month ago, but we still hang out as good friends. I feel bad when she talks to other guys right infront of me. Eventually she will find a boyfriend and it will be hard for me to bear.

I too hang out with her every day and go to coffee/mall with her just like you do. What helps me feel better about our fate, is simply getting in the mind set that there are a bunch of other girls out there. If I just sample around, I will learn more about what I want and learn what kind of girl I really want.

What you should do is:
Slowly start hanging out with her less. Look at other girls and even engage in conversation. Go to social gatherings and get to know others.

 

Run away to Alaska.

 

But as I said before, this is not about her, it's about you. Every experience you have with her is tainted by the fellings you have for her. It's almost like lying. Until you've dealt with them you have nothing to offer her. All you will think about and do is try to find ways to make her love you. That will sabotage the relationship she already haswith your best friend. And you may end up losing both of them.

Trust me. She'll be ok without you for a few weeks. She has him.

 

My solution will probably work better. They have trains.

 

And lumberjacks.

 

This might give some insight bro

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

I think some of it is bullshit, but it sounds like you are definitely stuck in the friend zone. Also you have to think about what you value more. You could hook up with this girl, lose your best friend, then the two of you break up in six months..