Lets see if I can offer some words of advice here (not promising anything since i am horrible at this..) Well, I understand your frustration at your mom but you shouldnt have hit her. Id be dead in the ground if i laid a single finger on one of my parents. She had a brain tumor and thats a serious thing and probably extremely hard to deal with..Im not saying she was in the right for mistreating you but she is still your parent and you just dont hit them unless your life is in danger, ya know.. but i dont know your situation so its hard for me to say you shouldnt have done that.. Sounds like the best thing for you (now this is just based on what you have written in this post and just my own personal opinion) to do is to stop sitting around and waiting for things to change/get better.. You have to be the one to make the change and to get your stuff together... Sitting around and dreading on things doesnt do good and will seriously make things really worse and not make you feel good about yourself or anything at all... I am sorry for the things that have happened in your life, people go through tragedies everyday... You have to move forward and be glad you are alive and that you can chose where your life will go next, what direction you want to take it.. Maybe if you got away and started all over, just explore things and spend time sorting out who you are and what you want in life. Since your family seems to be some of the problem, getting out on your own would probably fix a lot of things. Going out and just not sitting and sulking at home would also help as well... Again, this is just my opinion and it may sound stupid and dumb and just might be stupid and dumb but its what i personally think. Good luck in whatever you decide to do...
Wow, you've been through some hard times. I think most of us have been there (not exactly like this...each with their own manifistations) and how to come out of it is a age old question. For me, what works is to stop everything and focus on me. Who am I? What do I want out of life? Where do I want to be in 5, 10, 20 years. What is important to me? What kind of friends do I want. This like this which should help you put your goals back in perspective. Then, try to remember that every single person has thought at least a little about suicide. Everyone has extremely low days where nothing makes sense and nothing is worth it. And what happens? The cycle turns and things seem not so bad. It may take a week, or a month...but everything does move in cycles. Now you're low, soon you'll be level and then you'll be high. Granted, if you need medication for depression or something like that, this advice will not help. If you do feel depressed for a prolonged period of time or you attempt suicide again, I would advise seeking help. But other than that, just take a stpe back and relax. Everything passes eventually... Good luck to you and be well.
shadowfox. i try to help with astrology from Gary Goldschnieider, you may see me posting here alot,'cause he seems to always accurately decribe peoples deepest isssues (which we all have). Some peeps take it to heart and some ignore it, but i gotta do it anyway....Very briefly in this first post: Apriil 26 The Day of the Cultivator Again, very briefly paraphrased... "Great talent for preserving and protecting personal relationships, family ties, and even the physical health and well being of friends." From me: This is why you have had friends and family that have been seriously ill or have died because this is your greatest challenge, to learn from. To learn how to bring love into the situation and nurture. Gary:April 26 people have the "long breath" and stamina for the long haul. Having begun an effort, they will keep moving ahead day after day, week after week, year after year in the same direction, April 26 people can have somewhat stubborn ideas and be unwilling to change their course. They will however listen to to reason: thus thay are receptive to logical suggestions for improvements. But if the advice is to abandon a propostion altogether it may fall on deaf ears. Me: that is why you are here on hipforums seeking wise counsel from others. If you didn't have these "problems, you wouldn't be able to get advice from others. simple but true. That is why you have been challenged with grades 'n things at school, because it is essential that you stick with your work and graduate with some kind of a degree. Because there is a natural tendency to be stubborn, you may as well put that to good use and follow thru with school, and use it to your advantage. Gary: those born on this day have an overwhelming desire to serve. With a vision of themselves as gardeners or shepards nurturing and minding that things go well. they like to have fun doing it, too, and enjoy a laugh with co-workers. Because of their extreme dedication to the cause they are preserving or protecting, April 26 people can be quite lonely.yet very warmhearted and caring. Me: you stated that you put the needs of your girlfriend going away to college above your own and let things happen for her without trying to guilt trip her. This is a very good example of this altruistic attitude. My advice is for you to find a cause or organization there in Tulare that you can use your nurturing and cultivating energies toward. Working for a homeless shelter or abused kids organization would be some place to consider. You need to be in a place that you can guide and serve others and use your good business, pragmatic sensibilities. Letting go of power struggles with people with serious issues and just walking away is good too. But to get out of the feeling of being useless, you need to focus on working with people that can really use what you naturally have to offer. You are still one of the smart ones, and the trials you are going thru are designed specificly to teach you this life lesson. there is alot more to share, and the above posters are giving you really good advice too, so keep coming here, cause people do care about you, you do have friends here. I hope this helps. Otter
wow, the coast gaurd may be just what you need, to do something amazingly productive, those guys totally rock! They save lives and do great deeds! And they need brainy people who can do systems and productive things in administrations and just about every job there is within' the organization. Maybe you can continue your educational process with them, learning something specifically suited to both. If your bro can hook you up, it could be a great option. You should go to Google Earth and fly over Alaska and look at how amazingly beautiful it is up there! Don't guilt trip yourself about your mom. She is your mother, she loves you and wants you to be happy and stable, that's why they are encouraging you to get any kind of support with a "pro ". I am sure she blames herself as much as anything for her outbursts and emotional turmoil. And at the age of 19, you should be getting out on your own anyway, so go for it! Good luck and thanks for sharing. (now go save some lives!)
this odd but your story is one that i feel i know about but i've never read it yet becuse your the frist that but it together with words. your story more then any is the questioning what is life. Reading what you write will be one of my most valued writing in finding how to escape the cycle. Like so much of the population your young and partly educated stuck in a okay job with a dsyfunctional family and slight metal tweaks (we're all teawked if not more tweaked) But now you do have choices i guess not really that many but what is the point of life. You move up with your brother be coast guard have a good life maybe meet someone have a small family maybe have a good day save a few people lives save a bunch of animals,and you live a happy life ever after but then when you die what has changed, i guess nothing really has to when we die but it is that the desire to want life to be something more is so strong. But maybe i'm just young, that desire will probably fade out of me. Well not like that helped you but you will do good in what ever you do i feel from the tone you write best luck pineing through the tundra wheter that is in the snow or where your at
If I were you, I'd make arrangements to leave A.S.A.P. Either go away to college or join the Coast Guard/ Military, and then you'll recieve training and education (but you might end up going to Iraq, actually if you join you probably WILL go to Iraq) but would you rather spend 7 months in Iraq (or however long it is, you'll want to read up on it, find out whats involved) or stay stuck with your parents going to junior college? As for your girlfriend, she spent a huge amount of time away from you, and probably met somebody else, and thats why she "seems to hate you", I would think. Either that or she has issues. There many other women out there, and you don't need to worry about any of them right now. Its your decision what you want to do, you don't have to do anything your parents say (though they might kick you out), or feel trapped. Your not stuck in the situation you are in now.
