Ok, here's how it is. I've been with this guys for a little over three years now and i really love him. But i ran into my ex the other day (we haven't been together in like 4 years) but after seeing him it brought back memories and i haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I still have loads of feelings for him. We got together when i was 18 and he was 25, so i was young at the time and a little immature i think. He has a son and i wasn't ready at 18 for that, i didn't know what to think, it's retarded now that i think about it. Anyways i'm 22 now and think i was so childish then, and if i had of met him when i was older i really think things would have worked out. He has a girlfriend, but he tells me he still likes me. I'm just frustrated that i blew it when i had him. I don't want to lose the man i'm with now but i can't get over my ex, i haven't stopped having feelings for him, and i'm always thinking about him. Any advice would be really appreciated.
I think it is very natural to still hold feelings for your "ex." Especially because at one time you were very attracted or in love with that person. But to think that you can pick up where you left off is going to let you down. You have grown up and apart from this person, you and him are not going to be the same people you once were. You have had new experiences which may be good, but realize there is going to be bitterness between you because you have both been with different people. You are lucky you are in a position to have a great loving friendship with your ex, that says a lot about both of you. But do you really think that you will be able to trust him knowing that he is telling you he still has feelings for you while dating someone else? What is going to stop him from doing that while he is dating you? I am not one to step in the way of love, but just wanted to give a little advice here. Listen to what your heart is telling you, it knows you better then I do.
The only thing I can think of, is to make a pro and contra list for ech of them and see what it says... Not much of a help, huh??
it sounds like you don't want to get over him. at least have the courtesy to be honest with your current partner before doing anything with the ex
what could have been will usually bite you in the ass if you try and pursue it now. most likely you'll realize that he's not the same person from before, and that you aren't the same person anymore either. then you'll regret leaving the guy you're in love with, and have at this moment, for some old love, and add yet another could have been to the list. also, it's in no way retarded that you weren't ready to be in a relationship with a guy who has a son. it's not childish for that to affect your decision to be with him, in fact, it's exactly the opposite. it would be childish to disregard the fact that he has a kid and get with him without thinking his kid's going to be an enormous part of your life going forward.
Perhaps what I will say will fall into what Fulmah said: When you leave a relationship mutually, with strong feelings still there for a person, alot of times you will spend many years, if not the rest of your life, trying to find a person that deeply resembles the person with whom you left. It makes it especially difficult to run into your ex in public, especially in the arms of another. I have recently went through the opposite of this, where my ex and I broke up because of her choosing to cheat and mentally play games with me. I despise her because I gave all of my heart and soul, and got played in return. You actually have a really special heart. You are able to maintain a relationship with someone without making them feel out of place, but at the same time share a special group of feelings with an ex. The best thing to do is keep the bond of friendship with your ex, and give your current man a chance. Although he cannot replace what your ex gave you, perhaps he can rewrite a new chapter in your life.
I agree it's pretty natural to still have feelings for past loves. I saw a guy I dated in a grocery store and those little flutters came back... it drove me crazy too but it's been months now and I could care less anymore.. you'll eventually stop thinking about him and your man will do something really sweet or cute and you'll wonder why you were thinking about your stupid ex in the first place. much luck to ya!
