afraid to ever have kids or get married...

Man...I am just sitting here bummed out cause i have been reminded once again of how shitty my childhood was and how i am so afraid to get married or have kids because i am so afraid i will end up like my dad.....I know that I could change things or break the chain or whatever if i had a family, but damn that is a gamble....i dont want to put anyone through the agony that i was put through as a child.....I havent even dated in a while, because I just have serious issues now with sticking in a relationship because i dont want things to get too serious......have any of yall been like this? I dont want to be the damn overbearing husband/father.....I am seriously thinking about going to see a counselor or something because on one hand i woul love to have a family and correct all of the mistakes, but on the other i just know i am going to fuck up everyones life like mine did to me....

 

I seriously considered counseling before parenthood. It's not a bad idea.
If you care enough to honestly look at your actions and realize how they effect those around you including any future kids you should be OK. Humans can be self correcting .

 

My boyfriend thinks like you, right now, but also for other reasons, he has decided he doesn't want any kids, and before that decision, he seemed very eager to get some. I hope he's going to make up his mind, and also see a counselor.

 

I can understand exactly how you feel...
since I came out my moms womb and till I was your age, I lived in the house of hell.. My parents were awful to eachother, they hated eachother (and btw are still married) they sit in seperate rooms, sleep in seperate rooms, scream at eachother and so forth.. And I wont go into how I was treated cause well thats neither here nor there...
I though for the longest time that I never wanted to get married, EVER and that being a parent is something that I never ever wanted to be. I saw the way my parents were and didnt want to be that..
But now its a whole new story...
I found that I was more or less scared, scared of becoming like them.. And realized that I wont be like that, I learned so much from them on how not to act as a parent and how if feels to have that empty feeling of having parents who could care less.. And it makes me want to be a parent and give my child the love and support that I never had.. And I also met someone whom I want to marry (and that is really surprising cause the thought of marriage use to make me sick and nervous and never wanted to marry) But I actually found the one..yeah, yeah, corny I know but everything has changed so much, so many feeling inside that I never thought I would have...
its quite weird cause when I was your age, i felt and thought completely different, well waaaay different then I do now.
But people are different and every persons life is different as well...
Just dont assume that you will end up like your father.. though my mom wasnt the best mom in the world, she is a MILLION times better then her mom who would beat her every minute of the day..So, even though we dont get a long I am grateful that she didnt follow in her mothers footsteps..
dont know if this made any sense and its just a bunch of ramblings...but good luck in what you decide to do...

 

hey, man, i understand. i emerged in a war zone. i remember the first time my mother told me she loved me and let me hug her. i was about 16. from the age of 10 my life was spent defending and hiding my little bro and sis from my parents and trying to keep my parents from killing each other. which, to a stupid teenager, means you step in the middle and get hit by both sides. my husband also came from an incredibly abusive household. his father beat him when he was 9 months old for wanting his bottle, and that's just one case.

but the both of us are totally aware of our beginnings. dave went thrugh several treatment and therapy programs (from his heavy drug usage) that helped him immensely. i went more the spiritual/meditation route, though recently have had to address my rage more directly. and that's something that cannot be ignored. i didn't really even know i had that problem until i started to lose it. that's not somethign that can happen in a house with babies. i would recommend addressing your inevitable, deserved and quite possibly buried rage. it will really help you in your relationships. i've never felt so much like the incredible hulk in my entire life as i did last year. lol. i'm so happy i dealt with it.

our baby girl, kai, is adored and totally secure. we've both learned effective measures for dealing with our tendencies to over react in anger, and work together to keep each other on an even keel. our daughter doesn't end up beaten like we were, nor does she end up completely ignored. she gets her punishments (time outs, toys put up until she settles down, so on) and knows that when it's all over, she can depend on a good cuddle when it's all said and done. if we can do it, you can.

 

Im afraid i will ever have elijah

 

Why do people get marryed and have kids anyway? Is there some kind of tax break or something? It seems like having all your freedom gone is a high price for a tax break.

 

wow...
maybe cause they want to, i know hard concept huh

 

lol. i enjoy life so much more now. some of us are built to marry and have children and be completely fullfilled by it. others of us aren't.

 

you wont end up like your dad i bet you would be a loving parent ...my son changed my whole life for the better ...stay posotive

 

thanks yall.