Needing some help.. :(

Okay, I've been married for almost 5 years, and I have disliked being married/been unhappy with it for at least 49% of the time every year at least. I mean, yeah, every once in awhile I enjoy it, and I enjoy being around him, but mostly, all I can think about is how much I enjoy being alone.

Main problem is, as of recently, I've started really, REALLY hating our sex life. I just usually fake to get it over with, and then I am always frustrated. I don't know how to tell him. (I don't even know how to tell someone that I'm faking with them.)
I've never had so much problems before. Hell, besides that, he's CONSTANTLY playing video games, and ignoring me. I'm talking about, instead of coming to bed at night, he stays up playing games, and shit. It's really annoying because when we got back together (we were split for about 5 months) he promised that this is something he would change.

*sigh* I don't know what to do.

 

Well you cant expect him to get better as a lover if you dont tell him he is bad. but if you are truley unhappy then end it i know it is hard to do but it will be the best in the long run. i play video games a lot too but i know when to spend time with my wife and if she feels that i am spending to much time on the games she tells me and i am good about stoping then and doing something with her. so you can enjoy your games and have a good marraige too i am living proof. i hope you get it all worked out.

 

Well, if he doesn't know what he's doing wrong, you can hardly expect him to fix it. However, the video games thing is another matter. He knows about that. When you discussed it, did you tell him that it made you feel bad when he spent more time with the game than you? It could be that you need to just go your seperate ways. Before that, I'd recommend serious discussion. The government has made it very expensive to divorce. Both mentally as well as financially.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a chore.

 

oops....

 

oops, again.

 

Dump him. Life is too short to settle.

 

you can't be honest with your husband about your sex life??

pack a bag and leave.......yer'll prolly be doing both yerself and yer hubby a favour.

 

Jeez.. methinks I was taken wrong.. I never said I didn't talk to him about sex.. I just never wanted to tell him that the sex has become some of the worst I've ever experienced.

I tell him about EVERYTHING that has upset me, but everything constantly goes back to how it was, and he constantly acts like he doesn't know what the problem is..

But I swear, let me even hint I'm upset or wanting to leave and he turns into everything he said he was going to be. I just am angry that I gave up my old apartment to come back to him, when he promised me that things were going to change, and they did, for about a month, and now it's back to the same way it was.

It's not like he doesn't know about the video game thing, I've told him a million times about how it makes me feel, but it's still an issue. I mean, come on! If your woman tried to get you to come to bed, would you really put her off for a game!?
I hope not..

 

Unhappy relationships(or even ones with the most minute sense of dissatisfaction) are never worth sticking out and keeping quiet about, hoping itll go away. It wont go away. If you really truly love this man, talk things through with him. Everything thats upsetting you, that youd like to improve or change. If he reacts badly to this and doesnt understand, thats his problem. This is your time to be honest. Life is so so short and you cant afford to sit back and let it slip away...
Anyway, call me fussy but a married man should have more on his mind than video games. Maybe i have overly-high standards.
But anyway, you need to think about YOU now. Youre a young woman. This is your life, and your only chance at it. Do whatever will make you happiest. Change things. Dont let your life become stagnant and dull through fear of change. Too many people make that mistake.
Best of luck
Love-Maxi.Xx

 

I didn't say that you didn't talk.....i said that you couldn't be honest with him ..... big difference......

 

Maybe you could agree to a night or a couple of nights a week that are his to play games, and you could maybe hang out with friends, get involved in a hobby, whatever. He has those two nights a week, and the rest of the week you get to play with his joystick. I wouldn't tell him you are faking, but stop faking. The next time you don't get off, talk to him about it much after the fact and maybe you could coach him through what works for you. You might even incorperate some mutual masturbation, or draw out some foreplay that gets you off before he even gets a chance to get in there...

Don't throw him away just yet. Voice your concerns with his gaming and do it in a way that you are offering him a solution for the problem. Don't just tell him it bothers you. Tell him what you expect and need from him to make things right.

: )

You're an absolute beauty, so you should not be concerned about turning your man onto you and away from ANYTHING else!!!

 

Hacker gives some good advice


But if he doesn't really change, or the changes don't last for more than a couple weeks, it's probably time to move on. You're so worth better than that. I mean, video games are definitely fun but if I had a hottie in bed like you I wouldn't be thinking about any silly video games for hours

 

a marriage can, and is generally intended, to last a lifetime.

now you've said that during your time you've been married you've only been happy with the situation a little less than half of the time.

perhaps this has been said, i didnt read all the responses, but to me the question would seem to be....do you want to go through life being happy less than half of the time?

because a marriage, or any deeply committed relationship, is one of the single biggest parts of anyone's life. and don't think that just the marriage will get you down - theres more to come...people getting sick, loved ones dying, possibly other things like losing a job, etc. i'm not trying to be negative, but i've got to point out that these crises happen to most everyone, and they occur independantly of your marital satisfaction. diseases don't care if you're happy with your man, and death takes no one into consideration when it takes your parents or children...

basically what i'm saying is that for as big a part of your life as marriage is, 49% satisfaction is simply unacceptable. you've hopefully got a long life ahead of you, but all lives of any sort bring with them their particular troubles. do you want to face these troubles with someone who will help you through them 49% of the time, or do you want to face them with someone who will always be there for you, care for you, put out (and well!) for you, and generally make you happy to be alive? because when these troubles occur, you may or may not be in a good place with this man you're married to.

remember, in the education system, no matter whose rules you're playing by, 49% success is nearly ALWAYS a FAILING grade!

personally, if i were in your shoes, i'd want to leave. if i'm going to be with someone the rest of my life, id want it to be something i had faith in. you can love someone more than you ever thought possible, but it wont make them good for you!

i surely wouldnt suggest just up and leaving him. i dont know you, i dont know him, i dont know your relationship. but think about ALL your options.

just because things are and have been bad doesnt mean they CANT change...but it does suggest they may well not change. you'll have to use your best judgment!

but then, i firmly believe in second, third, etc., chances. and if you love him, there is nowhere were giving another chance can pay off than in marriage. thats what its about....taking the bad with the good.

in my ever humble opinion, however, it doesnt sound like youre satisfied, and it doesnt SOUND like he'll change. but who knows? certainly NOT ME!

 

nesta - you are right.. and I have to say, that I'm not happy.. Am I really supposed to spend the rest of my life being unhappy most of the time??? Is that it? I've wasted almost 6 years as it is.

Grrr.. I'm so fucking pissed off right now. I get up and he's playing some "Seven Sins" video game that he immediately closes, and of course when I go and check out what it is, it's nothing but porn/porn-esque!! (And don't get me wrong, I'm all for porn, but not when it's being hidden from me! Porn should be shared!)

I'm so fucking sick of this. Instead of coming to bed when I do, he'd rather sit up and play games and shit and when I get up to see where he is, he acts like he hasn't done anything wrong. This being one of the main problems of the video game stuff.

Oh, and the whole idea of him having two days a week with his games and then other time with me, yeah, that'd be great, except he plays video games from the moment he gets up, (his PSP) to the moment I "drag" him to bed, (his PC.)
And who says I really even want to have sex with him anymore? It's become a chore and I'm fucking sick of it.

 

Sounds like it's ultimatum time... You sound like you are at the end of your rope.

 

what i fail to comprehend is why anyone would prefer to PRETEND to do something terrible (like killing people and things) instead of ACTUALLY do something wonderful (like making love to their s/o)

i mean, video games can be fun sometimes, but i'm sure as hell not going to choose a screen with fake blood over a bed with real pussy...

 

Damn straight.

 

going back to somthing that wasnt working increases the probability of unsatisfactory results greatly .

 

makno - yeah, I'm a moron for that.. but you know, I thought "love can conquer all" and all that bullshit. I'm fucking seething right now!
I don't understand how he can't figure this out? I wonder how he would feel if the tables were turned?!
I guess the thing to do now is to get rid of my shit and move out.

 

I have a close female friend that was married and moved out without him knowing it... She got things together without actually packing... just took an inventory of the important stuff, and planned a move. She set up a hotel room for a couple of days, and had a friend help plan this. They set a date and time when he was away, and they moved her out. She left him a note, and she was gone. They got the divorce and she is doing extremely well these days. The deal with their marriage was that he had cheated on her, and basically prior to that was ignoring her... similar story to what you were telling. If you have attempted to get him to correct his ways and it didn't happen, it will probably only get worse.