I am going to start writing and would be pleased for any input. But mostly thank you for your time and space. She was tired and heading up the stairs to her room, to bed. The white washed walls leading up to her room door needed to be washed. She opened the wooden door and was confronted by a queen size loft bed that took up most of the room. The loft was a wooden frame and made from less than perfect two by fours. Underneath was a pine desk and chair, the only other furniture in the room. A large window filled the front wall and the black night was framed by three white washed walls that also could stand a sponge and paint brush. She closed the door to undress. Her room was one of three in the barn and she wasn't sure if anyone else was about. Just as she was climbing up the ladder to bed; there was a knock at the door. Tad answered her inquiry. "What's up", she asked. Tad looked agitated and started pacing as he spoke. "I don't understand women. You know everyone always blames me but Gloria can be really mean. Then everyone always says, 'Tad what did you do'. You know what, I don't understand woman...I just can't stand women sometimes; Come on Marion let's go get a drink". "Ok", she said and closed the door again to change. Tad walked down the hall past one of the other rooms to the kitchen. The kitchen was very large and well equipted. Further down the hall was the other room then the hay loft and double garage doors. Toast, one of the barn cats was eating from a small plastic bowl just inside the kitchen. Marion was out in a moment and they headed past her room down the stairs to the office and the exit. Marion had been friends with both Tad and Gloria before either had met the other. Marion loved that she was friends with men and women on their own grounds. She was a handsome woman, not beautiful. She always felt that that allowed her inside peoples psyches and their circles. She admired men and their friendships and was fortunate enough to always find strong women that treated their friendships and other women more the way strong, smart men do. The fact that Tad sought her councel and company now made her smile but it wasn't a surprise. They walked out into the night air. Of course here, in her home above the dairy barn, that air always had a hint of manure to it. "Where to" she asked as she slid into the passanger seat of his "vintage" volvo sedan. to be continued.
They walked out into the night air. Of course here, in her home above the dairy barn, that air always had a hint of manure to it. "Where to" she asked as she slid into the passanger seat of his "vintage" volvo sedan. She was joking. At this time on Thursday night with Tad meant only The Silver Eagle and shots and pool. The engine of the straight six screamed to life and Marion offered to tighten the loose belt. Tad pulled around and drove up to the hay loft. Marion ran through the side door and pulled the enormous chair that snapped the garage door to attention, then lifted it. As Tad drove in she ran through the hall and downstairs. At the bottom she went into the barn past the shower and down the hall to the tool room grabbed the ratched kit and a few screw drivers. Once upstairs they job went quickly. They were lucky and it was just the alternator belt. A few turns of the screwdriver and they were done. Tad closed up and drove down the hill again as Marion returned the tools and net him outside. They headed through campus towards the town. To be continued...
You've obviously worked on this story, Mapa, and that shows a lot of respect for the person that will read it. From the introduction you immerse us in a world of realistic characters, which shows in their speech and mannerisms. I also like your description of the farm. I've lived in the country for the last ten years, so I can relate to it. The only thing you might want to watch out for is a few repetitions in the first paragraph, but that is something that we all do (honest, you'll see). Plus, I'm being picky here, because I loved the descriptions, such as the 'night framed by the three white washed walls. So, what I'm saying is meerly footnotes that you may consider if you make any further drafts of your work for publishing, just to iron it out. There is a whole mystery brewing in the atmosphere you've created. It will be great to see where you lead us. Well done.
Thank you white scorpion and please you don't have to "pull any punches" I'm not sensitive about my mistakes. I don't have a lot of time to write... but am drawn to it. I sometimes am writing as I'm thinking because this forum is an opportunity to get my words out and with help sharpen them up. I enjoy reading and seeing the work of others here so much. I realize some of what I write will not come out well and I want to know that as much as I want to know what works. So again thank you. I welcome all comments and reflections. Hope to be back with a little more time soon. Vacation Bush style in New Orleans
Great picture of the lunatic. That fish has more brain than the two of them. It's nice when we can all inspire each other here. There are some people of great vision and passion that definately keep me coming back. I would very much like to read more of your story to find out what happens next. Hopefully you'll find some time soon.
