I need your help, I have to tell my mom that I'm a lesbian, and I want a mothers opinion on how I should do it. How would a mother want to hear this, and what kind of things would she want to know? Should I say it in person, write a letter, let her bring it up? should it be out of the blue, or should I lead up to it? any opinions from the hipforums mommys would be very much appreciated! Thankyou
Oh, that sounds hard (((hug))) It totally depends on what your Mom's like ya know. I have a friend who just came out to her mom, over the phone, by saying, "oh yeah, I'm a lesbian". I mean, she prolly went into greater than that, but you get the point. I hope that my relationships with my girls will end up being ones where that I just know they are homosexual so I won't be surprised if they tell me that is, in fact, the case ya know. Do you think she has any idea? If I was single and had no kids, the way I think I would do it would to just tell my mom about my new girlfriend. I'd just tell her that so and so is my girlfriend and my mom would prolly just figure it out on her own, then she'd come to me when all the pieces came together. Peace
i agree with the above--bring it up like it's something totally normal (because, really, it is!) Let her know, through your lack of drama about it, that you aren't ashamed, and she'll be more likely to be ok with it too--besides, she won't have a chance to react if there's no big speech to react to. And if it isn't ok with her...at least you sent her a clear message that she should keep it to herself, because YOU are ok with it
Thanks for the hug colorfulhippie! My mom expects it I think. She has said something about if before, but I never admited it. Plus when I broke up with my boyfriend, I didnt know what to tell her so I hadn't called her in five days, so finally she called and my ex answered, and she asked him if I was a lesbian, but he told her he didnt know. Once without saying that she knew she told me that I could do what I wanted with my life, and that she may not like the things that I do, but that she would except it no matter what. Now, your probably wondering why I'm having such a hard time with this. Its because I had a girlfriend a years ago, and I never told her, but she knew. Anyway at this point she made it very difficult for me to see her, by refusing to drive me to her house, and she would say things like "you better not be dating a women" and "all gay people get AIDS because god hates them". So, because my mother has acting in two very conflicting ways, I am scared that she might change her mind about being the nice mom, and go back to making my life difficult.
Are you still living at home? If so, personally, if it were me that is, I'd wait till I was outta the house and then carry on with my previous advice. Some Moms can make daily life hell if your doing something they don't approve of. It sounds to me your Mom might be better knowing about it (for sure that is) when she is not so submerged in it ya know? You've waited 19 years to tell her, what's another 1 or two? If she were to ask me again directly, "are you a lesbian". I would tell her yes. I have an issue with outright lying. I hope you find the answer you need. Peace
A mother *should* love her child regardless. I know for a fact that if any of my children came to me and told me that they were homosexual, that I wouldn't love them any less. True, I might not be particularly thrilled with the idea, but they are still my children, and their happiness is more important to me than anything else. But, homosexuality affects people differently and can bring up some very strong emotions and disapproval from others. Your mother sounds, at least from your previous post, like she will not take your confession too well, unless she has done some changing since your first experience. If you are still living at home, I would honestly avoid confessing to her right now, that is, unless you feel that it is important to you to let her know at this moment in time. Her initial reaction to what you are telling her might cause a lot of severe emotional pain and division between the two of you. Another thing is, and I'm sure you've been asked this, but are you completely confident that you are a lesbian? Is there any doubt there, perhaps bisexual tendencies, or mere curiosity? In the end, what should really matter is your happiness. Your mother might not agree with the choices you may make, but in the long run, I'm sure she would want you to be happy with your life and only wants the best for you. Big hugs sweetie...
thankyou everyone! In response to hippychickmommy... I am sure that Im a lesbian. Now that I've finally admited it to myself I feel alot better, I have a girlfriend and we are very happy with eachother. I am happy in a way that I have never been with a guy. I always broke up with my boyfriends for girls, so I feel its necessary to stop breaking thier hearts, and my own, and be who I was born to be. I do live at home. I moved out for a year and just moved in with my mom this month. Before I moved in I was dating a girl and had planned on telling my mom b4 agreeing too move in with her so that depending on her reaction I would decide if it was a good idea..but I chickened out and broke up with the girl, and started dating a guy. BUT before that happened I had attempted to tell my mother a few times, but failed, BUT she got the hint and that is when she said the whole "I wouldnt like it but Id still love you and support you" thing. Now, I do feel that it is important to tell her. I dont want some stranger asking her "I saw your daughter with a women, is she gay?" I dont want to hide anymore. Hiding is what destroyed my previous relationship with a women, and I dont want the same thing to happen in this case. I just want to be able to be with my girlfriend and call her that, not refer to her as my friend infront of family.
Then I think you know in your heart what you need to do to find peace within yourself. I'm not sure how you are, but me, I'm better with writing my feelings out than actually verbally comunicating them. You might even want to just write everything out regardless of whether you want to give her the letter or end up sitting down with her face-to-face. Sometimes it helps to get it all out on paper to prepare you for what you really want to say. Best of luck, whatever you decide to do. Only you know your mom and which option of telling her will go over better. Trust your instincts. {{{HUGS}}}
hahaa!! damn, i'm 40 and my mom is still making my life difficult... as for what to say to your mom, honesty is supposed to always be the best policy... i can't vouch for that myself, cuz sometimes i'm too honest and that just pisses some people off. you have to be true to yourself - just be tactful and considerate. expect the best and be prepared for the worst.
darling you're beautiful. my second point is that in the end, no one can run away from the truth. so you think you are a lesbian? well its what you are and no one can change that. your mother WILL come to terms with it one day or another. my mom hated the fact i told her i was bisexual and that i was having sex - i was 14 at the time.. but in the end, she knows she can't do anything about either one of those things because i'm still going to be doing them.. your mom has unconditional love built in even when you can't see it. she just has to embrace it.
thanks everyone who posted. trust your instincts... I never thought of that, Ive just been so worried. and the letter thing sounds good, even if I dont give it to her. hmm youve all given me some good things to think about. and Nisha, thankyou for the compliment and for your opinion, its appreciated.
little late but.. my daughter who's now 6.. (almost 7) told me last winter.. " i think i'd rather have a girlfriend than a boyfriend when i grow up." wouldn't surprise me one bit if she was lesbian.. other little things she does and say lean that way. perfectly fine with me as long as she is happy
wow 6 almost 7?? Ive never heard of that before. I was kissing girls at that age, but I didnt understand why. Are todays children just more exposed now, that they understand more about sexuality at an earlier age? or was I just one of those sheltered children?
I was very sheltered to. But I don't think it was my parents fault, it's just been in the last 10 or so years I think that being Gay is looked at in a different (no so much god will damn you to hell) sorta way. I also was just never exposed to such a thing. When my 3 yo pops up and starts talking about marriage when she grows up, I be sure to tell her that some women marry women and some men marry men. I want to raise my kids to be completey and utter unjaded by seeing, playing with, going to school with, working with, and being (if that's who they are) gay
