Attention All Mothers

i don't think a letter would be the best way to tell her. I think she would be hurt that you can't actually tell her in person.

 

I agree that a letter could be a good option, it would also give your Mum some time to think about it, to realize and accept it before she has to talk about it, so her reaction might not be as extreme.

If you are afraid your Mum will really freak out, maybe consider coming out in a public place, like going to a restaurant, having a nice dinner and then tell her, so she can't make such a big scene.

 

Well, there ARE possibilities for lesbian couples to have children (I don't know exactly about the laws in the US though), so if your Mum is very upset about not getting any grandchildren you may want to tell her that.
Um, I also think a letter's a good idea, but it depends whether you are a "writing kind of person" and how openly you can talk to your mum (or not).

 

OK I'll give you a couple of perspectives!


As a parent to a sixteen year old woman. If she was tell us that she was a lesbian or anything else for that matter I would be very proud of her for telling us. My opinion of what is a good or bad thing to be are irrelevant to her happiness. If she decides she wants to do something I believe that my "job" as a parent is to support that best I can, even if I don't agree entirely. I'll also tell her my opinion so that she can help form a fuller opinion of her own. In the case of her being a lesbian, I'd be pleased for her. Sexual orientation is, as far as I'm concerned, just a part of who we are and should be celebrated as part of our uniqueness as individuals.

Now, as the son of my parents. I can't tell them anything without getting critisism of some description. So from teen years and really up until my 30's I did and told after or let them find out, rather than face the humiliation of their scorn. Not a healthy relationship for sure. The last 5 years or so I've come to the realisation that I love them as they are my parents but they will never truely be my friends. Armed with this idea I tell them anything now as their opinion really doesn't matter that much. I'm also much more tolerant of their position. They are very in the box people. They live 1 mile from where my Dad was born and can actually see the house of his birth from there, as if the cord was never cut. Me, well I have adventurous blood in me!! I learned to respect the differences between us.

So my advice is. Don't do what I did but try and do what I do with my daughter. Obviously your Mum means alot to you or you wouldn't be concerned enough to ask on here for advice. You know your mother better than anyone else I expect so you know in your mind how she'll take the good news. One approach might be to ask her first if she has always been straight, or entertained ideas of women but never did because of social pressure etc. You might be surprised by what you hear. If your Mum is my age (40ish) then she grew up in some pretty wild times. Wasn't quite the 60's but we were experimenting and doing all kinds of wild stuff in our teens, like most teens do. She may be more open than you think.

Anyway, good luck. I like the restaurant idea too - gives you a safe haven!!

Love and Peace J

 

Yeah but with a letter you won't know what the initial reaction is, and even if you do later, it will be different than the first, and on top of that, you'll also be waiting and wondering for a while. eek.

Oh well. Whatever feels best.

 

thanks everyone for you r opinions so far, but i have no mommys opions and that is really what i am looking for. I am going to take tigerlilys advice and post this in the parenting forums.
thanks all of you

 

thanks swordfish for your detailed answer. i really appreciate it

 

Good plan.

Sorry I'm not a mother.

 

...Me neither. Have you told her yet? If so, what happened?