i always believed that i was in love many times before, but then i met this guy and it was just the most amazing thing, except that when his mother was murdered in august, everything has changed. it is a year that we have been together but i fear that maybe he isn't the one i thought he was. it was the best relationship i have ever been in. we never fought, we hung out, had the best times, things were nearly perfect. then this all happen. sure he changed because of everything, i'm just scared that i'm putting so much into it and it ended up not being what i originally thought. i feel that his love for me isn't there anymore. i feel i'm the only one willing to be in this relationship. sure he tells me he loves me and even recently surprised me early in the morning of him showing up at my house, but still. i fear that maybe this is the end of a very beautiful thing, but i'm scared of losing him. but in thought, maybe it's more than just losing him, it's something completely different that i can't quite comprehend. doens't help that he never talks, about anything. he isn't one to express his feelings and i am one that does. so there is a lot of frustration there and it's like a day to day thing. one day things are great and then the next thing i know it, i'm upset because we sat on the phone for an hour and barely spoke. i hate it completely. but i feel that i love that guy so much that i don't want to, yet sacrificing my feelings to be with him, when i am hurting. i have told him how i felt numerous times, but more than a lot of times he just gets frustrated. i know he has a lot on his shoulders with being the oldest of the kids left behind and everything. i just feel selfish but at the same time i feel like i'm obligated to feel this way, i don't know. i need some kind of advice, i'm simply going mad here.
You have you understand his mindset at this point. He lost his mother suddenly just a few months ago. Have you ever lost someone close to you? He is still the same person he was before his mom died, just situations have changed. My mom died suddenly about five and a half years ago. It took me about a year afterward to get back to my normal self. For six months afterward I was in severe depression and the doc tried to put me on medication. Most likely he's got situational depression. Anytime something that huge happens to someone, it takes them awhile to get back to their normal selves. If you truely love him, stand by him, give him a shoulder to cry on, be there for him when he needs you. He'll come around, I can promise you. It will take time. Be patient. What you must do also, is get him out. Do things together...get his mind off of it. AND DON'T BRING IT UP UNLESS HE DOES! I know his pain...
well, hell, murder is a truly life-changing experience. loss through nature or accident is hard enough, but outright murder can fuck your brain up worse than anything, especially your mother. i worked with a man whose mother was stabbed to death a dumped in a ditch by her boyfriend. he was very messed up for a very long time. he's got a lotta internal repair to go through, and may not be able to be there for your emotionally even if he wants to. it's really gonna be up to you and what you're able to do.
Doesn't that suck when this guy is like, this great time and all, and like, suddenly his life turns for the worse and, like, he becomes this big, like, downer?
Give him time. He's just been through a really tramatic experience. He hasn't even had time to grieve his loss yet. Everyone deals with tragedy in their own way, maybe his way is to just shut down so he doesn't feel the pain. He's still the same wonderful guy that you fell in love with, he's just mourning. Give him plenty of time and just try to be there for him without trying to push him to get over it. Try to understand what he's going through, to lose your mother to a violent crime is devestating. I really hope everything works out for you!
