how to cure being too dependent

How do you cure being dependent on your guy or girl?

Last night Skye didnt call me we went out for halloween with seperate people and I got home around when he said he would and waited for him (because he bruised his ribs and passed out) but I didnt know that and calld him at 12 then at 7am and was crying and freaking out thinking he forgot me or something...

I guess what Im asking s what do you do to be less dependent on your signifigant other? I realized I really need to work onthis


Thanks ladies!!!

 

i really need to work on it too as well. im a freak when it comes obsessing over my boyfriend.
but im in the process of trying to transition myself from a stage of getting upset easily and freaking myself out over trivial things so that i can make him happier and myself as well.
pretty much what you need to do is just get your mind off him by doing other things. i realize thats what you did and it led you to the way you got, but these things take time. i really can't say a whole lot cuz im dealing with it as well. just need to relax and let things slide when its not a terribly big deal. communication is a very important element as well. i realize your boyfriend passed out, but in the incident that he weren't he would need to let you know. im pretty sure if ya'll are as close as you sound that wouldn't b a problem.
but anyhow theres not a whole lot you can do except try to relax yourself and tell yourself things are cool. keep yourself preoccupied as much as you can so your mind isn't wandering off thinking about what he could be doing and what not. stick with it and eventually it won't be an issue anymore.
if there is anyone else out there that has recommendations i would greatly appreciate them as well!!

 

One first step would be to stop refering to yourself as "SkyesBitch" in your profile. If you stop thinking of yourself as a bitch, maybe you won't feel the strong need to have an owner.

 

and the ticker under your name is kinda creeping me out, a bit too fixated.

it would be funny if i hadn't read about your codependency issues. but in light of your problem, it's sorta sad. i don't wanna make you feel bad or fuck up your night or anything, but that's the truth.

anyway, as for your dependency, you need to work on understanding WHY he is so crucial for your moment to moment happiness. have you been abandoned or neglected? how's your home life? i was once the same way, until i realized that i was holding on so hard because he was my ONE happy thing. work to develop other activities and relationships that make you happy. otherwise you may end up driving him away. (which, actually, might ultimately be good for you.)

 

Yeah, that ticker is, uh....

 

ticker? what the hell? i'm gunna write a long reply, but i need to eat dinner...

i'll be back.

 

Must've been some dinner...


Anyway, Greenbutterflydaisy, I have had a few friends in similar situations. They kept wondering why they couldn't stop being so emotionally dependent. Some of them, like KC brought up, realized that they had abandonment issues rooted earlier in life which were inconveniently hanging over into current relationships.
Others, however, just had bad boyfriends that didn't do their part to make their partner feel secure. I'm not trying to say that your boyfriend is bad, but from a few things you've posted, including this thread, it sounds like he doesn't have much regard for your feelings. You have a right to be upset when he doesn't live up to his word. It's just a matter of respect, and it doesn't sound like you're getting much of it.

 

Well I was afraid that was going to happen

ok

#1) the ticker was a joke between me and him because we fucked 2 months before we started dating..nothing more

#2) The Skye's bitch thing was yet another joke...he called me that once when we first started dating to get under my skin but I call him my bitch all the time too...there is nothing serious behind it

#3)KC you're right...once I started college and none of my friends did it made it hard to hang out with them, also I only see skye on weekends now and because we alternate me going to boone to see him and him coming to walkertown to see me...then I dont get to see my friends here as often as I used to...so I need to find something to keep my mind

#4)I dont think it is so much abandonment but the only guy I had a serious relationship with before skye (a 4 year relationship) was hellatious. He would not allow me to leave the house without him with me...I could not do anything with anyone ever without him...once he threatened to break up with me because I got off the phone with him to talk to a friend I hadnt seen in 3 years! I am just used to the kind of relationship where you spend every moment together...and I dont want that...I just get my feelings hurt easily when he does other things becuase I am so used to that being treated like such a horrible thing

As far as my other posts...Please keep in mind I did alot of growing up since some of those posts..some of them were me calling skye an ass becuase he didnt call me an dit turned out he didint h ave a place to sleep that night...please keep in mind that those were just one side of the story...and there was ALWAYS ALOT more going on than just what I posted

Skye is VERY considerate of my feelings...when I talked to him the first thing he said was he was so sorry he didnt call, he didnt forget but was in a lot of pain and he promised that if he said he would call he would...last night for example he told me he would call me later and I ended up going to bed around 10 and he still hadnt called but then he txtd my phone asking me to call at 12 and he said he was so sorry for waking me up but he promised he would call and he had just gotten back from the hospital...the issue was more that I am clingy with him sometimes and do treat him like my only way to be happy...its a thing about me I need to deal with...its not that he isnt treating me good

Sorry that was so long but I kind of felt the need to explain myself

 

I'm curious as to what kind of relationship you have had with your parents or other loved ones. Did they ever do anything that would have caused you to fear abandonment, obsess over being "forgotten" or being put on the back burner so-to-speak?

The reason I ask is, those past experiences can have an impact on romantic relationships in life, they can cause you to feel more clingy, more insecure. You need to look inside of yourself and find out why it is that you feel so afraid.

Hugs...

 

Not really..it was kind of the opposite...my mom was always very clingy...she always had to be there..I think thats why...ive always been around people who wanted to be present all the time...I dont ever really fear im going to be abandonded though

 

The best way to stop being so dependent is to get hobbies that you do without him. Things that you do for yourself. Look at yourself as being important and WHOLE without him.

For me, I don't need a man to make me "complete". I see a man as simply a bonus, something that may IMPROVE me, not COMPLETE me. I think a lot of people with dependency issues feel that they aren't whole without their partner. So what does that mean? That means without them, you aren't the person you are. I don't think that's too healthy.

 

Well that right there could be part of why you are feeling like you are. You were used to someone being there, always, and of course you grew accustomed to that. So now in a romantic relationship, you feel this urge to be connected at all times as it provides that secure feeling you always had while growing up. Without that constant connection, you feel lost.

Just a thought...

 

That makes sense...im just so sick of feeling like this though...I know ill end up pushing him away if I always have to be like that...its just hard becuse untill he moved we were with each other all day everyday...and now I only get to spend friday night to sunday night with him and talk to him during the week...and I know it shouldnt but it just hurts so bad if I dont get to talk to him untill night time and then is only for about 20min...whch isnt that common but it just makes me cry and feel so pathetic when I get upset...I feel like the biggest loser in the world for needing him so much...

 

Ok, Greenbutterflydaisy, I hope I didn't offend you; I've just seen too many friends in a situation where they were being mistreated that I felt I had to bring up the possibility.

 

Cheat on him :-D

Ok..I'm joking...I really don't have any advice but I still wanted to say something, so there is the something in all it's glory.

 

You didnt...I just wanted to make it clar that skye is an amazing fiance andhe takes great care of me when I need it